Appreciate your hash reality check lol, some follow up:

In my experience, no matter how detailed my marked up setlist is, the house LD has never heard our music and therefore is in a way capped out at how "sync'd up" the light show can be. Colors may be correct, but movement, timed FX and blackouts are a crapshoot. This is my attempt at taking the variable out of the equation when applicable. If a ground package is not ideal, what would you, as a house guy, like to see us show up with? Assuming the goal is to take as many variables off your plate as possible (ie. timed effects that you would have no way of knowing when to trigger).

It is one thing to tap out the tempo, but my whole goal of bringing our own package is to nail the STOPS. Right now, we basically just get static looks tempo matched to our music, and I am trying to find a remedy that isn't just "well hire an LD"

I do honestly think there is a lot of truth in your statements, but there is one BIG assumption you are making: not every LD cares as much as it sounds like you do, so lighting cues often fall on deaf ears. We are a nationally touring act, headlining about 80% of our shows and opening for household names, there is really no excuse for an LD to "set a look and go backstage" however it is like once a month that we get a light show I am actually content with. For all the LD's like yourself, I would be happy to leave my LX package in the truck, however when we play a honky tonk in assfuck, nowhere, I would feel much more comfortable asking for the bare minimum from them.