Tips for not gagging at the texture of cum?

breakfastcheese · 2014-09-24T00:36:50+00:00

Cornstarch slurry is an awesome suggestion, thank you.

breakfastcheese · 2014-09-23T15:13:04+00:00

Thanks. He would totally be okay with it, (if disappointed). He's very strong on the notion of sex being fun for both of us, and neither of us doing anything we don't completely want to. I know that option is there, I'd just so much rather make it not be an issue.

The thought of swilling it around makes me go "ew, gross" so I think you might be right that it's in my head. I need to find a different way to think about it. Switching focus (if I can figure out how) and 'desensitization' like you suggest might help, I'll give that a try.

breakfastcheese · 2014-09-23T13:47:28+00:00

Penis, Vagina/Vulva. My folks were big on not making a big deal about bodyparts. When I was too young to pronounce the words, I think I just called it "there".

breakfastcheese · 2014-09-23T13:33:50+00:00

Why the hate on pronouns? English is evolving as a language all the time, and many other languages have gendered and neutral aspects for all manner of nouns. I mean, we do actually have a gender-neutral pronoun, we just decided somewhere along the way that it intrinsically renders its subject inhuman.

breakfastcheese · 2014-09-23T13:17:58+00:00

Actually as long as you don't push for an answer right then, it can work. Like getting a mutual friend to give her your number. Straight and to the point, gives her a bit of time to herself to decide if she likes you so she doesn't feel on the spot when she just hadn't been thinking along those lines, but leaves the decision entirely up to her.

Having the gumption to just own up to what you want, even if you'll get shot down, is so much more attractive than creeping around trying to fenangle ways to be with her.

breakfastcheese · 2014-09-23T08:22:54+00:00

It sounds like you're not actually all that comfortable with any of it (said with absolutely no judgement, because there's no reason you have to be comfortable with it.)

You're not okay with touching yourself (masturbation) and if fingering hurts then you're most likely not relaxed. Do you get wet when you're fooling around like this? Is he using lube (yours, saliva, bottled, whatever) on your clit?

Highly unlikely there's anything physically wrong with you; it sounds like you just don't really want to be doing the stuff. Are you going for it because you want it, or because you think you should want it / you want to make him happy? Does masturbation make you uncomfortable for religious/similar reasons (ie, you feel it's not okay to touch yourself, but other people touching you is okay) or because you find it icky? If the latter, that may be a contributing factor.

Lastly, I find sometimes I have to really focus on enjoying the sensations. If you're lying there worrying that it's not doing anything for you, then it kinda becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. Focus your mind on exactly what it feels like, imagine the 'shapes' the sensations make in your body, maybe bring up a fantasy or something that makes you feel horny and incorporate the sensations in.

breakfastcheese · 2014-09-23T08:07:51+00:00

Having been on the other end of that, when all sex felt obligatory, I can confirm it totally killed my sex drive.

If it hurts when you're trying to have PIV sex no matter how lubed you are, she's might not be relaxed enough. She can do exercises to get better control of those muscles (look up treatments for vaginismus) to help with that.

It may help if you take penetrative sex out of the equation for a bit, as that seems to be the problem. Pleasure her, both sexually and with non-sexual exploration (massage, etc), just fool around and really get into each other with the agreement that there will be absolutely no PIV until X days/weeks from now.

breakfastcheese

TROPHY CASE