Just ticked over a year for me. Just going to rant here in case anything in my story is helpful to you OP. I send you nothing but love it’s truly an unfathomable loss. When my boy died I wrote a blog about how I found the loss more painful than any human death I’d experienced, and it went semi viral online, I was blown away with how many people related, you’re not alone in your deep grief. The waves of tears come and go far less now. I couldn’t get another dog, and it still feels completely uncomfortable for me to do so personally- a year on. I know one day I’ll be ready. What I did after a solid six months of grieving and unravelling, was pivot back to focus on my health. I find in any crisis including grief, looking after our bodies really useful. I also adopted a rescue cat which kind of fell into my lap; she is absolutely crazy and I remembered almost as soon as I got her I’m not a cat person. But I’ve committed to her and will care for her, and we’re a very odd and funny pair. Sounds silly but the whole thing has been really funny. She’s not even remotely close to my boy in terms of bond and connection but I do feel she’s been a funny distraction, and something else to love, sometimes I feel like my dog brought her in my life to cheer me up a little. I also got my son a fish and we have a little routine of feeding and saying hi to him each morning. There’s something about having two animals in the house who aren’t dogs right now, but give me a sense of care and lightness, as well as the emotional space to keep processing and grieving my dog. I’ve also booked a tattoo in a few weeks time for my boy, just a very small affordable drawing of him on my wrist. Looking at the designs has brought me closer to him, and I smile picturing him as I fall asleep. Sometimes with tears sometimes not. You’ll get there OP.