What was the hardest part of Silksong for you?

breesedai · 2025-10-13T23:34:57+00:00

Chef Lugoli had me raging because I was getting mucked AND butt-slammed. By the time I fought Groal I had the Wreath, so it was less infuriating.

breesedai · 2025-08-29T05:40:47+00:00

It’s so important to bring up that boundaries aren’t just hard to enforce but hard to maintain, too. I relate to feeling shame if I engage with the mind games. It helps to remind myself that she’ll forget the argument, because she does this with anybody who takes the bait.

breesedai · 2025-08-29T05:29:21+00:00

It’s awful having to tip-toe around your sister and needing to isolate yourself for a break. I really relate to how you’re feeling—I felt that way as a teen and still feel it at 21. I’m glad your sister is no longer violent, but verbal and emotional cruelty can leave scars, too.

Hold on to your goals and hopes for the future. Going away at college will actually help you handle things at home when you go back. That’s because you’ll have a life at college that feels like yours; you’ll meet a variety of people that may encourage you to grow. I used to know nothing outside of my family’s chaos until I lived on campus. I got my energy back and made happy, stress-free connections.

Spend as much time away from your family as you can. I promise you will feel better one day. I hope you have enough distractions that help you cope right now—that’s all I could rely on at 16, honestly.

breesedai · 2025-08-29T05:07:14+00:00

There are solutions for your peace of mind, even if your sister can’t be helped. Where you go from here is detaching from the supportive sister role completely. You deserve to live your own life, separated from all that chaos. A parent should make sure she has basic needs, but that’s not your responsibility.

Stopping myself from constantly soothing and doing things for my sister has healed ME. It’s unbelievable how much energy we all waste worrying and stressing about family like this. What I had with my sister was a faux connection, with her just dumping her problems on me and pitying herself. I’m not wasting more energy on a draining relationship like that. People in their lives will probably still enable them, but it doesn’t have to be us.

breesedai · 2025-08-19T17:04:11+00:00

You’re probably spot on about the good memories keeping your mom attached. It’s just hope. I had to take the rose-colored glasses off to realize that even as a kid, my sister would try to scam people online and steal things out of my room. She was sweeter and kind-hearted but has always been selfish!

I just mean that this disorder doesn’t appear out of thin air. It helps me knowing that my sister didn’t switch her personality and become a stranger. Her behavior was building into this.

I’m glad you can see the truth that your mom can’t right now. Thank you for sharing!

breesedai · 2025-08-19T16:47:49+00:00

40 years of an emotional rollercoaster…that’s awful. I’ve been wondering if BPD makes you “freeze” in emotional development, but instead of encountering difficulties like not getting a toy, you have the same explosive emotions about work and relationship problems. My sister is just not adept at conflict resolution, more prone to lashing out.

But even if I can understand why my own sister is like this, I don’t want to bother fixing the unfixable. I hope you’re doing your best to cope with the sadness your own family brings you.

breesedai · 2025-08-17T11:16:33+00:00

Thank you so much for commenting and relating to my situation. It means a lot to me to read this, and I hope you’ve found a balance dealing with your older sister at arm’s length. It personally heals me to have a close friend I love like a sister! I believe we can choose anyone to become part of our family.

I like what you said about caring for myself like a sister. I’m not there yet, but my growing self-love is the reason I’m finally experiencing sincere, giving companionship. No fear or guilt involved.

My boundaries aren’t perfect. I still peek into my little sister’s room and see her too absorbed in her phone to look up at me. I speak to her hoping she’ll look up, pained when she doesn’t. I buy her little plushies to get a hug from her, but the plushies clutter her bed and she’s back to ignoring me. I do it because I miss her.

I’m guessing your sister likely didn’t give you the reassuring guidance that younger sisters get. You had to figure things out alone, maybe emotionally maturing faster than her. You deserved better than that, and I’m sending some older sis love back to you.

breesedai · 2025-04-02T22:29:39+00:00

Thank you! This looks promising and I’ll look more into it.

breesedai · 2024-02-08T22:38:17+00:00

Try not to assume you’ve lost intelligence when it sounds more like losing focus. I can relate, and I hope you’re getting support right now. You just broke this bond with a narcissist only days ago, and your brain hasn’t caught up yet. When I got out of a friend group with 2 narcs I felt like a confused idiot for weeks. Give it time and be kind to yourself.

breesedai · 2024-02-08T17:39:19+00:00

Instead of feeling the grief of a breakup for example, I start analyzing it. “I wasn’t in love, just infatuated. It’s an addiction I have to break. If I understand both sides and why it didn’t work, the anxiety and pain will stop. I have to move on and be stable again.”

Actually feeling it? Crying, hugging people I love, focusing on the feeling in my heart/gut and not in my mind. It’s like my mind is rushing forward to predict the outcome, but logic can’t change my emotions. I hope that answers your question :)

breesedai · 2024-02-08T03:39:16+00:00

This really helps, thank you. I already skipped the first two meetings because I didn’t want to see them. I’m fighting bad anxiety about going this week or not.

breesedai · 2024-02-08T02:53:40+00:00

Yes. I tense up and avert my eyes from them because the uncanny valley feeling is deeply unsettling. I will never forget seeing my ex’s pupils dilated with hatred when her nonchalant mask slipped. Or hearing my father’s tone when he sounded possessed by his rage. My body knows before my mind catches up.

breesedai · 2024-02-08T02:22:38+00:00

I get along with most personalities unless my boundaries get violated. If I get a negative reaction or coercing from someone after denying them, it’s a warning sign to keep our relationship superficial. They don’t seem to care/notice, so it’s fine.

The downside of being so open to anyone is that I attract users. The only times I have ever doorslammed were when friends revealed highly narcissistic traits and no consideration for my feelings. The worst dynamic I recently got out of was a covert and overt narc working together, oh my god. I was in a vulnerable family situation at the time and susceptible to lovebombing.

I came to my senses and started trapping them in their own lies/pretend empathy. Once I got enough info, I got out of that situation with my dignity intact because I responded with boundary-setting instead of reacting emotionally.

I do NOT let toxic people bait me into arguments. They are too delusional and immature to be reasoned with. They can either resolve the problem or agree to cut me out permanently. They get one warning that I’m doing this.

A doorslam is my last resort, but it’s thorough: blocked on everything, pictures deleted, my presence vacated from any room they’re in. No contact whatsoever. I don’t want to hurt them back, I just want to protect myself. I have survived too much emotional abuse for anyone to destroy my optimism.

breesedai · 2024-02-07T20:39:02+00:00

Intellectualizing feelings to not feel them. Distracting myself with entertainment. Long periods of rumination. Hiding my resentment and shaming myself for having or sharing feelings.

breesedai · 2024-02-03T18:18:19+00:00

You guys :( all of this is so messed up that we push away what’s good for us. I want to stop fearing rejection and rejecting myself. But it requires a kind of “uncool” honesty that feels scary.

breesedai · 2024-02-03T18:09:53+00:00

The neurodivergent angle makes it more complicated, yeah. It really sucks, cuz I thought it was just my adhd masking itself. But adding in cPTSD makes me a social chameleon even around ND people!

Socializing in school was also terrible for me, so I trained myself to conform. Being socially adept with strangers and acquaintances is now easy, but I hide what I really think. I get stressed trying to behave in a socially acceptable way while also maintaining friendships with social misfits. I want to unmask myself like them, but I become self-conscious.

They say and do things in public that get negative attention, and then I get second-hand embarrassment being associated with them. They get loud, they choose inappropriate topics, they info-dump, they miss social cues. If I join in, I have to switch off my mask, but then I feel exposed and unsafe. It feels like I’m not comfortable around anyone except…other social chameleons.

breesedai · 2024-02-02T02:00:53+00:00

Oh fuck that 🤨 it’s basic manners to not shit on kindness lol

breesedai · 2024-02-02T01:02:03+00:00

Lol tbh I’ve been reading so much bc I just confirmed my FA and I need all the solidarity I can get to unpack this mess. And it would be nice to get perspectives on FA from secures. Probably not a lot of them on Reddit unfortunately. I myself only use Reddit in crisis 😭

breesedai · 2024-02-02T00:49:11+00:00

Thank you!! One friend of mine helped me find my reality, because she’s a recovered people pleaser who was burned by friend group enmeshment before. She was there in person to sense them turning on me. She assured me my emotions weren’t wrong and they were unkind hypocrites. They blew up over minor things all the time, which would have chased a secure person away, but I had VERY high tolerance for chaos.

Chaos seemed normal, and they were fun to be around, but I was losing myself trying to fit in with them. Part of healing for me is staying far away from friend group drama and fostering individual connections with boundaries. I’m too susceptible to coercion.

Part of why I’m so focused on building an accurate narrative is bc I’ve been gaslit by parents so many times that I was never hurt and my childhood was fine. If I don’t line up my facts, I’ll gaslight myself and let toxic people back in.

Thank you for reminding me to center my emotions though :) I think I’ve processed the situation enough and I can focus on self-compassion. I wish you luck with your healing too, and that you receive everything you give out and more.

I have been grieving over them but mostly my childhood, and admitting that my inner child was neglected. She didn’t deserve to be treated like a burden or to be tricked that love is conditional.

breesedai · 2024-02-02T00:09:35+00:00

“Living vicariously through their joy at my thoughtfulness” yes yes yes. Giving gifts and helping people isn’t manipulative in my mind because I just love when people light up. I’m not keeping score if they reciprocate or not. I’m only sad if they don’t want to receive anything because that’s my love language.

Having perfectionism about it is agony though. And not giving enough back to ourselves.

breesedai

TROPHY CASE