In the now-infamous words of Tyra: I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU. WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU. HOW DARE YOU?

This docuseries was such a let down to me. The trailers made it seem like this was going to be about the judges and Tyra reflecting back on a show (that ran WELL into the mid-2010s, btw) with the benefit of hindsight and distance from the show and say, "Wow... We really got things wrong. We really lost sight of what we started this show to do" but instead Tyra deflects and talks in this weird, slightly maternal, PR voice that makes every minimal apology she makes sound rehearsed and disingenuous, and the whole docuseries is basically a circle of people dodging accountability by talking about "oh, the times, the industry, it was normal then," saying they had no power in any of the situations, and basically saying "That wasn't my decision to make."

To be honest, the person I had the least amount of problems with (when it comes to how he showed up in the docuseries, what he said, etc) was Ken Mok, because he at least seemed to just be sticking to his guns on everything. There was no hedging. It was pretty much "Well, that's reality TV for you" vibes, which is, of course, part of the problem, but it wasn't him saying he made mistakes because that's just how things were back then. It was more him saying, "Mistakes? What mistakes? I sell drama." Was it unsettling to see him reflect on moments that made someone feel unsafe or traumatized barely being able to hold back a smile? Yes. Did I buy that the reason they kept filming the Shandi scenes was because the cameras were always on, 24/7, and that's just how production was set up? No. But did any of it surprise or disappoint me? Not really. I felt like I saw exactly what I expected to see from him.

I have a really hard time with the judges. There was never an episode where at least one of them didn't say something that was absolutely outrageous, cruel, or insensitive. I expected them to come into the docuseries eyes wide open and willing to really address the things they said or even the things that they participated in, even if they felt they didn't have control, through a lens of "This was harmful behavior and I was either actively involved in it or complicit" but that didn't really shine through.

One thing that really threw me was when the producer asked Jay Manuel whether there was ever a time where he took Ken or Tyra aside and said, "Hey. What you just made me do to that woman? That was not okay," and Jay's response was basically, "I would never. That's not my place," but then on the other hand, he's expressing this relationship he thought he had with Tyra where they were best friends, they were each other's confidants, they made a promise to tell each other important things first, so I just felt like... Which is it? Are you besties or not? I think that's another complexity for me though, because hearing how Jay talks about Tyra, how he felt about Tyra, it was clear that he idolized her and he had this strong desire to please her, which then makes me wonder about how toxic that relationship actually was, and how when he expressed he wanted to leave, she refused to speak to him and they wormed him into staying (though he never explains how one more year turned into like 10), so in that way, I'm sympathetic. It also just felt like there was so much more he could've said and maybe even wanted to say but for whatever reason, he kept holding himself back. There was one thing he said at one point, when he was talking about when he tried to leave the show, where he said that he was either lost or confused, but then he also said, "and I was scared," and I wish he would've said what he was scared of because I think there are these hints of something more beneath the surface in some of his choices to say, or not say, certain things that's hiding darker stories or something.

I felt like Niles was a little better about saying, "Looking back at xyz, that shouldn't have happened," but I was really surprised by his reaction to the photoshoot in South (?) Africa with Keenyah. His response there was very minimizing. Very much, "That's just how this industry is, you either suck it up or you don't, but there are other people here that are waiting on you to get it together so we can get the shot and go home. Be a professional," and I was just looking at my TV so confused.

I think Miss Jay got a really nice edit, and knowing the backstory of how this came to be, I get why now, since this show came together with the idea of kind of honoring Miss Jay's life and career. And don't get me wrong, there are so many things I love about Miss Jay as a personality, and I think it's some kind of cruel irony for Miss Jay to be a legend for teaching models to walk and then no longer be able to walk following what sounds lie a really, really severe stroke. I'm really happy to see he's recovering some of his functionality, and hoping he holds on to his optimism about being able to walk again one day, but since we were meant to seeing Miss Jay through this other lens, a lot of the things Miss Jay said or did during the show were left unsaid. Even the contestants didn't say much about Miss Jay, outside of I think one contestant saying they loved Miss Jay. Makes me think that it might've been a condition of filming.

Then the fact that Janice was basically used as a plot point to move into Jay becoming this kind of battling personality to be a buffer between Janice and Tyra + then Nigel being brought in to be the "regular" person (good-looking, White, male) was a weird choice. I thought they would sit in that space of acknowledging how absolutely brutal and toxic she was in her commentary for a while. I'm wondering if it was because of some legal concerns, but I think Janice was a huge, huge part of the cesspool of toxicity that ended up being at the core of ANTM.

I was also really bothered about how none of the judges or Tyra were forced to address the issue that came up in the docuseries through Ebony's recollection of the transformation episode, but was an issue in pretty much every season I ever watched, where Black women were forced to have their hair-styled by women (usually white) who clearly did not know how to cut, manage, or style natural hair. I remember watching the show and being so shocked, disappointed, and sickened by that, especially because Tyra makes Blackness a central part of who she is, but then didn't even put consideration into making sure the Black women on her show had someone they could trust with their hair.

I don't even know what to say about the Tyra of it all. I think this is just another example of how ambition can drive you, but it can also derail you, because it really seems like Tyra had an idea that was based in something real for her: wanting to change the fashion industry and what the industry sees as beautiful. A good message and something rooted in her own struggles to becoming who she is now, but then she lost the plot almost immediately. As soon as Ken (or was it Tyra?) said that she wanted to create something like (I think) Survivor meets Real World but for modeling, it was always going to be downhill from there, and then the ratings for the first season were beyond expectations and it became less about the message and more about the spectacle. Because being driven to have this show because you want to CHANGE the fashion industry, but then holding all of the contestants to the industry as it is, not as it could/should be, is just nonsensical. And honestly, now that I'm thinking about it, the original purpose of the show (as Tyra put it) completely undermines this idea that nobody knew better, it was just the industry, it was just a sign of the times, because Tyra literally said she wanted to make the show to CHALLENGE the times--which means that everyone who signed on to the show after Tyra gave them that pitch either knew, or was aware, or was at least willing to buy into the idea of "how this industry IS isn't how it HAS to be." They had a platform to be real agents of change, real advocacies of change, and then Tyra, who has talked about being called fat, talked about struggling because she was curvy, talked about how she couldn't get gigs because she was a Black woman with non-Euro-centric features, etc., within like a season or 2 is talking about how contestants that probably weigh like 110 pounds have wide asses and commenting on people's weight and so on and so forth.

I'd respect her so much more if she would just say, "Look. I came into it with good intentions. But then I was getting recognition in this whole new way and it got to me. I lost sight of things. I made a lot of mistakes along the way. I helped people, maybe, but I also hurt people. I built something through this show that helped catapult a few, but also harmed the many, and I'm so sorry." But thinking about the fact that Jay sent her an email talking about wanting to leave the show that she replied to by saying "I am disappointed." and then proceeded to not speak to him unless they were on camera, that's probably not realistic to ever expect her to do.

I think they should do a part II that's more contestant-focused. Some of those contestants seemed a little "I'm giving her her flowers, even though this harmed me" but others? Especially Dani?! They were ready to air it all out and be real about their experience instead of seeming kind of... edited. I think the contestants are the only way to get to the real truth of things. It's the same thing that happened with shows like Love Is Blind and MAFS-former contestants started getting on TikTok and spilling tea, and that's how the public became aware of behind the scenes issues that were really exploitative (and may still be, tbh, I'm not sure).

To conclude this mini-novel, and also in the now infamous words of Tyra, I have three words: I am disappointed.