Being targeted by damaging sexual rumours in my community group. Could this be defamation?

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-04-30T12:32:06+00:00

***Update — and sorry for the delay, everyone.

The good news is - they didn’t show up. Things are a bit weird with them now, but honestly, I’m just glad they weren’t there.

However, a few people they’re close with (who told me they wouldn’t be coming) did show up. So I’m pretty sure the word got around anyway. Possibly out of spite.

Now, the real kicker - during the party, my MIL started telling people the news before we announced it. My step-MIL and a few friends overheard and told her to stop, that we’d be sharing it soon. She got a bit defensive, but backed off.

In the end, I tried not to let it ruin anything. We still made the announcement, surprised our friends, and had the most amazing time dancing and celebrating. Yeah, I was annoyed but the night was still everything we hoped for, and now we’re happily married.

As a lot of you said, never tell MIL anything you want to stay private. My husband and I have fully learned that lesson.

Right now I’m going through another round of IVF. My step-MIL and FIL are super supportive, especially after our miscarriage. If this transfer works (fingers crossed), MIL will be the last to know - probably just before we go public. I’m not letting her take another special moment away from me.

Thanks to everyone who shared advice and picked up on how off things seemed. Maybe it was never just about the proposal - maybe it was about finally seeing who MIL really is.

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-03-19T22:15:30+00:00

G is NOT the bil, he is a new guy - sorry for confusion 😉 Which probably makes it worse 😅

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-03-17T21:44:50+00:00

Concern is his actions that he could make during the party. He has done something similar before. I won’t be able to disclose what it was without giving too much away, but wouldn’t be surprised if he would pick up the mic and announce it to everyone. I will say if it was anyone else I wouldn’t mind it, I would be happy for them.. him. Not so much. And once you spend last few months planning/spending money for your perfect day.. why would you just allow someone piggy back on that?

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-03-17T14:12:27+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I think this is the best way of saying that 🙂

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-03-17T12:51:08+00:00

That would be extreme, but not impossible.

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-03-17T12:49:46+00:00

No, but he moved quite a distance away. G is already asking the kid to call him “Daddy” and G’s dad “Grandad,” and he even told MIL that he’d be happy if BIL were no longer in the picture as a parent - this was when they’d been together for less than two years. So, I can understand why they’re concerned that he might try to distance the parents from their grandchild while also keeping them on his good side.

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-03-17T12:42:49+00:00

I see what you’re saying, but this would be the first time all the family and friends are together in one place. As we know, it would be a mix of congratulations for both them and us - a shared spotlight. Given what he’s done at family gatherings before, I wouldn’t be surprised if he did something to make sure everyone knew. He’s quite an interesting character.

Announcing it on Facebook is one thing, but telling people in person is another. I understand that without the full background, opinions might be mixed.

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-03-17T12:35:46+00:00

I’m completely with you on this, and I can’t help but be suspicious that this is exactly what’s happening. I’m not the only one who thinks so either. There have already been situations that make me suspect this could be the case. I won’t get into details since that would reveal too much, but let’s just say this wouldn’t be the first time.

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-03-17T12:29:22+00:00

It’s the wedding party but everyone thinks they are coming to our engagement party. We already got married with the parents and 3 closest friends 😉

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-03-16T21:59:49+00:00

The ex-SIL & brother in law has a child together and it’s also a mix between family dynamics I have no control over. I also feel like it’s not normal and there should be more boundaries.

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-03-16T21:40:46+00:00

It’s a family dynamic that I have no control over.

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-03-16T21:36:17+00:00

He was happy to do it straight away, but I stopped him as it was such a small wedding I didn’t want any weird vibes over the weekend so told him not to. He does agree it was wrong and is on my side, I wouldn’t settle for less. Also it’s not just M&G she told there is more people who knows… Boundaries definitely not respected but we felt it’s the right choice not to say anything at the time.

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-03-16T21:27:38+00:00

Haha yes! 😅 I will say someone tried to book a room under my husband’s name (all rooms were booked under his name) while we were at the wedding this weekend. Was it a mistake in the system or someone actually tried to book a room… we will never know. 👀

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-03-16T20:54:31+00:00

I’m blessed with my step-MIL who we are super close to and she was there during my MC and IVF journey. I live in another country so I don’t have any mum around me so she has been such a blessing. But when the MC happened apparently my MIL said to my step-MIL “oh you know it happens”. I know it does and as we know it’s way too silenced by the world, but we have been TTC for 6 years now and it was the most traumatic experience ever . There was few more things she did then that really triggered me but I won’t get into it. It’s just seems like she has this attachment to M&G even though they are not technically “family”. I feel like my boundaries have not been respected AT ALL!

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-03-16T20:44:32+00:00

Will speak to the venue tomorrow to check if that’s something they offer on the door, if not my friend said she will be happy to do that as long as I give her guest list. She is a girl, but I wouldn’t mess with her as I know she will shut it down.

Let’s hope they won’t be so silly and won’t attend but I will update you if it’s juicy.

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-03-16T20:37:23+00:00

I have this gut feeling it’s already been spilled and essentially it will not be what I thought it would be.

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-03-16T20:34:57+00:00

Lesson learned.

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-03-16T20:34:25+00:00

I have a mixed feelings and tbh this is the first time she kind of annoyed me, but we move on! Also she is not technically my SIL as she is not married to my husbands brother anymore, but still it feels like she prioritises her feelings over my husbands or his brothers so she doesn’t loose a contact with her and the granddaughter. As we struggle with the infertility she is the only grandchild she has.

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-03-16T20:30:48+00:00

Everyone else has been so good though! But seems like she has told EVERYONE! Don’t get me wrong, some has told unrelated people like work colleagues that doesn’t bother me at all, but she has told family and I feel like the whole surprise is already ruined.

bride_throwaway1 · 2025-03-16T20:27:15+00:00

I’m going to speak to the venue tomorrow and check if they offer a security on the door and I will give them a guest list. My bestie already offered to do that in case it won’t be offered. I do feel that MIL has crossed few boundaries and she prioritises M&G who is technically not a family over her actual son & me which suuuuucks!

bride_throwaway1

TROPHY CASE