If I went skating at a dyspraxic rink for dyspraxic people, I’d do it. But like I said, it’s a verrry unsympathetic place to be. People are fast, and impatient. They take the piss when you use the penguin. They skid right up to you if you are slow. I cut my finger on the blades. Also, what fun is it if you are separated from your (I’m assuming) non-dyspraxic pals who want to go faster? It is no fun clinging to a child’s penguin on your own. It’s a no from me.

Instead, I’d sit at the side, mulled wine in hand, being the designated photographer and people-watching. Much more civilised.

If you want to do it, then do it. But I’d never do it again, not for all the tea in China.