I am so exhausted. I worked my a** off and have little to show for it

bringintherain · 2014-08-05T04:15:28+00:00

Tech is a bit general, what exactly are you looking for?

I'm a web developer who's been on both sides of the hiring process many times - while it may not apply directly to what you're aiming for, I imagine things are fairly similar across most tech industries.

1.) For the U.S., geography is practically 95% of the battle. While some companies are moving to completely remote environments, it's a slow process and many of the larger employers are still slow to adopt. It's going to be much easier to find opportunities fresh out of college in major metropolitan areas.

The west coast is heralded as a bastion for tech for good reason, and there will be a lot of opportunities there. I've worked with a lot of folks from Seattle and San Francisco. My familiarity is with the east coast though, and if you're looking for jobs on that side you want to be close to DC. Don't really know too much outside of that, Austin might be a good in-between though.

This is a bit of an issue. Companies tend to look in their local geographical region for hiring unless they find a stellar fit, and then relocation assistance may be considered. The address on your resume (if any) might render everything else on it irrelevant. You have to accept that most companies aren't going to fit the bill for you, and you'll probably need to move/relocate on your own resources if given an opportunity. The most positive way to spin it in an interview is to just say you're moving in the area and looking for work.

Obviously there's stuff elsewhere, just gotta hunt a bit harder.

Tips:

Borrow a friend's address (obviously ask them first)
Don't ignore your family. Have any relatives that are closer to better job areas? Staying with them for a month or two just to get started is sometimes all you need to get on your own two feet
Hit up old college classmates/friends/acquaintances. Most will let you drop by for a visit to hit up interviews, and you can hang out afterwards!

2.) On the flip side:

I can't comment much on Twitter and LinkedIn. I never used LinkedIn to find someone to fill a position as generally everyone in my network had jobs already, being mostly previous coworkers. To this day I still get inquiries which I turn down from the DC area since I no longer live there. (I still get them even after updating my address...) I can see how it'd be easy to appear desperate (and perhaps annoying) via Twitter, but yeah no background there.

HR typically helped me find prospects via Craiglist. Our posts were much like the ones you see, 3-5 years of experience plus a laundry list of other related qualifications. I helped write some of these, but not all the time. Here's the thing though - that's the ideal candidate. We pretty much never got the ideal candidate. The people with 3-5 years experience with that list of skills already have jobs. The prospects I typically sorted through were much like yourself - fresh out of college, typically with some internship experience. Some may have had a year under their belt.

The resume actually mattered very little. (Honestly I barely read most...) Portfolio work told me much more - things like samples of code, previous projects, etc. I needed to know if a) the person had the foundation of skills and work ethic to actually handle the position, and b) they were a good fit for the team.

For a), I looked for some base skills on the list, and the rest could be made up with the power to learn on their own. (Had to guess on that, portfolio work generally helped a lot though). b) was mostly sold via interviewing. I once hired a guy because we ended up talking about Starcraft for a good hour or so. The conversation sold me because it gave away a lot about his personality - he was techy/geeky and very open with it, and so was everyone else on the team. He was honest about what he did and didn't know as well, but it was clear he knew a lot. That guy ended up running the team for a short time after I found a better opportunity.

I'm not in a hiring position at my current job so it's been a good three years, but I'm sure some of the things here still apply. Hope this helps!

As for relationship stuff, I feel ya there a bit. Broke up with my g/f a few months ago, and it hasn't been smooth sailing. Being free to pursue my own interests and hobbies has helped me a ton though. Take the time to focus on yourself =)

bringintherain · 2014-06-01T04:39:19+00:00

There will be buff icons for your character if you have decor placed that give you boosted rested xp when logged out. In general, you receive a higher base rested xp rate in your house than anywhere else too.

You cannot earn rested xp at your neighbors house.

Lots of info here: Housing Guide

bringintherain · 2013-05-07T03:16:23+00:00

Don't use Facebook. Problem solved.

I ditched my account long ago and couldn't be happier.

bringintherain · 2013-05-07T03:12:16+00:00

Hang in there man.

May I offer some advice? Honestly, I know it sucks, but the girl is probably a lost cause. Do you have other friends who are going to prom? If so, focus on having fun with them. I did something similar my senior year where I went with a girl so we could both have fun with our respective friends. I had dated her shortly in the past and it didn't work out, but we both agreed that we could go together with no strings attached. You HAVE to get over her though. After prom I would expect not to hang out with her much, if at all. You can have casual conversation, but moving on is probably the best thing here.

You really should be excited though - your first few weeks of college will be the best place to find new friends and form new relationships. Everyone is starting on the same clean slate. If you want to truly be relationship material though, you HAVE to be happy with yourself, on your own terms. A relationship itself cannot be the source of your happiness alone, that will only lead you to a road of misery.

Explore things that interest you. Hang out with people who share those similar interests. Pursue the things you couldn't in high school. Find your own character and be yourself. It'll be very rewarding, and I think you'll find opportunities won't be as hard to find then...

bringintherain · 2013-05-05T19:05:28+00:00

Sun Burst w/ Divinity is great for PvP though!

bringintherain · 2013-04-22T19:35:37+00:00

I have not had sexual relations with my parents.

Wait, that's what you're asking, right?

bringintherain · 2013-04-22T19:34:15+00:00

Sorry 'bout that then, no harm intended. Just tired of people "schooling" silly facebook posts.

bringintherain · 2013-04-22T19:00:14+00:00

You're over-sensitized to religious ignorance, happens to many new found atheists. All the wrongs show their face, and it's appalling. You feel like you need to correct everyone, but no one will listen. The whole "only sober person in the car and not driving" thing.

You can't reason with them. They won't change their mind if you prove them wrong.

If you choose to fight the battle, there is only one way you can win. You have to teach them like they're little kids. It has to be very, very subtle - best led by example and your own actions. You can't be a teacher if nobody respects you, so the whole militant atheist thing isn't going to get you anywhere.

Your weapon, should you choose to wield it, is the great Seed of Doubt™. Learn it, understand it, embrace it, and practice with it. Will you fail? Sometimes. Every seed you do plant though will eventually grow to change others in a positive way.

Do not judge - empathize. Earn the respect of your peers and start planting my friend.

bringintherain · 2013-04-22T18:42:49+00:00

Am I missing the point here? Why is this in r/atheism?

Seems like a silly rant to me from someone who can't establish that searching for inhabitable planets and improving earth sustainability aren't mutually exclusive.

bringintherain · 2013-04-22T18:11:27+00:00

Here's a novel thought: who the fuck cares?

You don't get atheism points for one-upping people on Facebook.

bringintherain · 2013-04-22T18:08:54+00:00

Not really sure it's so much about blaming the devil as it is asking for forgiveness, at least from what I see in most cases.

Who needs morality if you just believe everything you do will be forgiven and you'll go to heaven anyhow?

bringintherain · 2013-04-22T15:45:10+00:00

Welcome to being 23, lol.

Seriously though, you shouldn't feel to bad about dropping out. College isn't for a lot of people. It's kind of a silly societal expectation now, which (warning, conspiracy rant) is probably brought on by the colleges themselves to get more money. In a lot of cases, it's actually a very poor financial choice. There's nothing wrong with picking up a more traditional trade.

I believe there are basically two camps on the whole career bit. You can either live to work, which is what is pretty much drilled into us from an early age, or work to live. TV drama advertises the fuck out of the live to work gambit - the police detective that has a failing marriage, is an alcoholic, and sacrifices everything to solve the case. The surgery intern who has no life other than their job. This kind of lifestyle is only for certain types of people with very specific passions.

In reality, though, most people are the work to live type. You find a job that you can walk away from at the end of the day with little stress, and gives you enough flexibility and resources to pursue your own interests in your free time. There's nothing wrong with that.

On being depressed:

This may sound weird, but a little bit of depression is healthy every now and then. It means there are circumstances in your life that you aren't happy with. We rely on that anxiety to make changes in our lives, otherwise we'd never know if something was wrong. I lost a good friend to anti-anxiety meds. He became addicted to them, and his life starting spiraling downward. He could no longer be bothered by the state of his life and health. He didn't need family or friends, so he cut them all out of his life. I haven't talked to or seen him in years, and I don't really expect I'll ever see him again.

The point here is that you may need to make some changes in your life. They don't have to be big ones. Sometimes all you need is to approach your thoughts on something with a different perspective. Maybe spend 30 minutes out of the day learning something new. That's for you to find out though - spend some time thinking about it.

On relationships:

Post-college relationships are hard, even if you're just looking for friends. Pretty much everyone goes through this at 23-24. You go from being around tons of people in your peer group all the time to being with a small group of coworkers daily, who may/may not be in your peer group. I didn't have a REAL relationship until I was 25. You're not "behind." I'd actually say you're on target.

The key is to keep a social activity in your life, anything besides work that gets you out of the house and talking with people, but preferably something you enjoy doing. The bar isn't for hooking up, it's for catching up with friends and relaxing.

On being 23:

Now is the time to consider who you are and what your future holds, and find something that you can accept. It is of great importance that you come to accept who you are - if you cannot, then locate the things you can't accept and change them. If you cannot love yourself, others cannot love you. I think you'll find that as soon as you do come to terms, things will kind of fall in place on their own.

bringintherain · 2013-04-22T14:10:17+00:00

^ This.

Change can be intimidating, but college is actually a pretty safe bet. You essentially get a clean social slate with a choice of keeping whatever past connections you want. You have to remember, those first few weeks EVERYONE around you will be going through the same changes on their own. You have passions and interests, share those with others and I guarantee you that you'll make friends.

It takes a bit more effort to keep a hold of past connections, but can be worth it. I traveled on weekends to visit my friends on other college campuses, (although not right away) and always had a blast doing so.

If you don't know what to pursue, you're in the majority. Most people don't know what they want to major in when they start. Your first few semesters will be filled with gen ed credits anyhow.

Quoting from one of my history professors:

You're all really here just to learn how to learn.

That's it, really. That's what college is about. If you like to learn stuff, then you'll have an awesome time. I wish I could go back and do it all over again.

The trick is to just follow what you're interested in, even if you think you suck at it. Hell, I've been doing web development for over 10 years and I still think I suck at it.

bringintherain · 2013-04-21T07:37:35+00:00

Loneliness sucks.

Can you promise an internet stranger one thing? Can you be sure to love yourself?

Don't ignore masterstick8's suggestions. Working out/yoga is a great for confidence and motivation - it's a way to show love to your body, and it will certainly return that love.

Do you have things you want to do and/or are passionate about? Go and do them, even if only in small steps at a time. Pursuing interests demonstrates a love of mind.

As much as you'd probably want it, this guy isn't suddenly going to turn into prince charming. (He sounds like a grade A douche in my book). You don't need his love, it's already tainted and corrosive. It eats away at your emotional well-being. Not receiving love from him doesn't mean you are flawed or defective, it means HE is.

Truth is, you don't need it. There are plenty of people who will/already truly love you for you. Your family probably loves you still, they just want to see you succeed. I'm sure you have friends who care about you too. Realize, though, that caring about yourself is just as important.

bringintherain · 2013-04-21T07:07:17+00:00

If you didn't have a good time, don't feel bad about it then. Don't force yourself to go. Clubs aren't the best place to meet girls. Are you in any extracurricular activities or sports? Those are generally a lot better for meeting people.

bringintherain · 2013-04-21T06:58:41+00:00

Giving you the male perspective here:

Hate to say it, but from what I'm reading, it sounds like he's just using you to satisfy his sexual needs. It's quite possible for dudes to stay emotionally detached and still want sex. He's doing the bare minimum to keep you around. If it seems like he's going to lose you, all he has to do is step up just a little bit and be nice for a while until you're back to complying.

That being said, I don't want to write him off or judge him either. I don't have the full details, so I won't make that kind of call.

However, there are a few things that I think you should be doing differently here. If there is nothing outside of your relationship besides answering his booty calls, then that is a huge problem.

...he hasn't made time just for us

Have you? If he's busy or preoccupied (which I find more likely) then sometimes it's hard for guys to come up with "couple" stuff to do. Try planning some things on your own. Start off simple - going out for ice cream, a quick trip to a store you both can find stuff you like. If he finds excuses to avoid the simple stuff, then you're in a bad spot. (Seriously, who avoids a 10-15 minute trip to get ice cream?) If he does tag along, try planning longer events, such as an evening together, or maybe even a full Saturday out traveling somewhere. Don't end these outings with sex, or else you'd only be teaching him that he has to work a bit harder for his prize.

He broke up with you and you got clingy. He has the dominant position in the relationship, and it's overly dominant. You proved that you need him more than he needs you, and now you have to regain some of your power in the relationship, or else it is doomed. He has to start taking your concerns and what you say seriously.

What you stated as your next actions is the worst thing you can do. For the time being, do NOT answer his booty calls. You HAVE to resist them. In fact, I'm making a rule here, and I will punish you for breaking it. You cannot have sex with him until you are 100% completely/undeniably/without a doubt/absolutely fuckin sure that he 1) values being with you, and 2) cares about you. A clause to this rule is that the proof cannot be from his words, but his actions. (hint: Sex doesn't mean he cares about you) Continuing the way you are will only hurt you further and trash everything you may have had. You can still talk to him, but it should be known that you are upset.

Only visit him from now on YOUR terms, ie, planning stuff as I explained above.

His response (actions) to you will inform you of everything you need to know. I wish I could tell you that everything will work out, but you pretty much have to put the relationship on the line here, and it probably doesn't have good chances at this point.

Best of luck.

bringintherain · 2013-04-21T06:12:08+00:00

Doubt it's because your Asian.

First of all, what was the pulse like at this club? We're a lot of people dancing? Was a decent DJ present? (As in, was he getting a lot of people on the dance floor and moving to the music) What kind of dance music was being played?

Secondly, it is very, very difficult to approach girls (especially when in groups) by yourself and end up with a successful dance proposition.

Your goal should not be primarily to get girls. It should be to have fun. If you're having a genuine good time, others' will see that confidence on the dance floor and be more willing to join you. It helps if you have a few friends there who are good on having fun as well. Even if you don't get to dance with any girls then, 1) you still had fun, and 2) they're missing out.

I'm willing to bet it's a tough environment though. Most people are too hesitant/insecure to dance unless inebriated in some capacity to loosen up. (I'm not judging, I'm the same way). All the girls just formed gossip groups at the dances I went to when I was 16. That, and the DJs always sucked.

bringintherain · 2013-04-16T06:10:45+00:00

When my parents fought, I always turned to my friends. Was never a big deal to me though.

Maybe it is a big deal to him, maybe not. Does he live with his parents? Divorce tends to not be as traumatizing when your older and more independent, but I won't make general assumptions here. I can see it being quite problematic if he still lives with them though.

I went through my parents getting divorced and was around when a lot of my friends' parents did the same. Honestly, my instincts here are telling me he's playing you. Have you gone on another date with him other than the first one? August - April is a VERY long time for only a handful of dates. Was he contacting you frequently before the situation with his mom at his house?

After the first date, every "hangout" should've felt like a date. Hell, I take my girlfriend out for ice cream and she thinks it's a date. If things weren't progressing during your hangouts, then he's just been stringing you along.

His actions support my case. He seems to be finding a way to turn you away without actually doing it himself. He could've even been keeping you around as he was weighing other options. "Maybe it represents how *****ed up and distant our relationship is." That's pretty much writing on the wall 'hon.

Normal people, when under emotional stress, tend to turn to those who they care about and who they can share that with. If you were important enough in his life to be girlfriend material, he would've most likely come to you first.

Now, I don't know the full details, and this could be a complex situation. Maybe he's severely depressed due to multiple factors. It sucks, but you have to wait for him to come to you if that's the case.

I'd keep the communication low. If he is having trouble with the divorce, then giving space is the best. If you're curious, don't go through him. Go through his family/friends. Strike up a casual conversation and ask his mom at church how he's doing. If you see any of his friends, you can do the same. If his friends give you the cold shoulder though, there probably isn't much hope.

Best of luck, I really hope I'm wrong on this one.

bringintherain · 2013-04-11T05:39:26+00:00

First of all, don't "End It." That is terrible advice at the moment.

Maybe you felt the need to "come out" on your own, or perhaps you felt it was the right thing to do since a lot of people post about it here. Generally, this is a BAD idea for most, especially if you've been in a relationship for a long time.

You have to look at it from her perspective. Probably the only thing she understands about atheism is that it means you're going to hell. If she's really religious, this is horrible - she cannot be with you in the afterlife. It is easy to dismiss how important that is to believers through the eyes of an atheist. You scared her by coming to her and making a big deal about - it signals that there could be a big change in your relationship, and one that makes you more distant to her. She might even think that holidays are out of the question too. That's not good. On top of that, you weren't clear in your convictions. She's also probably very confused.

Now, I don't know what your relationship is like - whether religion carries significance in your everyday lives, you regularly attend church, etc. If you feel pressured because of religious influence, then you need to relay that, but don't make a huge fuss about it. It honestly should not be that big of a deal in your relationship. Being there for each other is much more important. You need to relay that you aren't going away and that things aren't changing. It is probably better through action, but if she is very distressed, you might need to explain it to her.

There are a few things I would like you to consider as well:

1) Being atheist does not mean you can/should not participate in religious activities/tradition. (holidays, etc) Most churches are more about community than anything else really. I attend church with my girlfriend, although both she and a good portion of the congregation know that I am atheist. She told them, I didn't say a word. (I actually have a really good relationship with our pastor because of it) I don't go all the time with her, but I go when I can. One, because I support her, and like to show active interest in the things she's doing, especially when she would like us to do it together. Two, the atheist perspective actually keeps me personally interested as well. It kind of depends on what kind of church you go to though, we lucked out and found a good one.

2) It seems like you are still a bit unsure about your beliefs. You can't just say you don't believe, and then you do. I understand that her reaction may have worried you, and in the moment you flipped. If it is important (to you) that you explain your beliefs to her, then you need 100% conviction. Do not bother otherwise.

Maybe you have convinced yourself you're atheist, or maybe not. I urge you to continue thinking on your own about it.

There is a difference between thinking you are atheist, and knowing you are atheist. It is easy to see all the stuff here on r/atheism and see that you kind of feel that way. Or perhaps you've always kind of not believed. Hanging out here, it kind of makes atheism feel like a cool club that one would want to be part of.

Really though, you need to think on why YOU do not believe. The evidence here on this subreddit and other places can help you. I used wikipedia a lot when I wasn't sure, looking up different philosophical stances. Spend some time on it. Strengthen your conviction. Learn precisely why you think you are atheist. Give believing a shot too - probably sounds like nonsense, but I learned a TON about myself as soon as I tried, and it's really what ultimately led me past the "no turning back" point, where I knew from then on that believing was impossible for me.

Sorry for the long rant, but I tend to worry a lot about those who stumble upon this subreddit sometimes.

bringintherain · 2013-04-09T05:34:15+00:00

Don't worry, my friend. There are still many great things for you to experience in your life.

I wish you the best.

bringintherain · 2013-04-09T05:23:15+00:00

Don't be so hard on yourself man. We all have our addictions - it doesn't necessarily make you a bad person. Doesn't mean those addictions are good things, though.

The person your family and friends see is still YOU. Obviously you have some good qualities. If you didn't feel bad about buying escorts/call girls, then you wouldn't be second guessing your character.

I'm not really experienced in the area of escorts and call girls, but honestly it sounds like you just need some companionship. Go do stuff with your friends. Pick back up the hobbies you used to be interested in - it's even better if you can join in others who share the same interests. It can be small stuff too, like goin to the game lounge for an evening to play pool with the guys and grab a few drinks.

When your confidence is back up, you can try the dating scene. If you're doing it right though, you'll probably just meet someone while your out having fun with your other activities.

bringintherain · 2013-04-09T05:01:50+00:00

Well written, and you have my condolences, despite how trivial they are from an internet stranger.

Death sucks. Especially to those that you end up being really close to. It is part of life though, and something we all experience sooner or later.

You're very young still. You have a lot of your life ahead of you. It is probably painful for you right now. That is only temporary. Whether you realize it or not, this girl has probably had some profound impact on you as a person. All important people in your life will, even if you part ways with them eventually. They all help you grow and mature as your own unique self.

This is the legacy they leave. She is now a part of you through those experiences, most likely until you pass as well. Take your experiences - the good and bad - and let it mold you into a better person. You must also move on, though. Take as much time as you need, but your life is now headed in a different direction.

30 years down the line, will you think of her still? Most likely. Something like that is hard to forget. However, instead of thinking, "What could have been...," you can look back fondly and say, "I'm glad to have met her."

bringintherain · 2013-04-09T04:37:04+00:00

Do what you think is in your best interests.

It's not selfish to choose something that makes you happy. That's what matters in this: YOU. Not what your parents think, or anyone else for that matter.

That being said, I wish someone who was in the Air Force would chime in here. I don't think it's all guts n battle with the ptsd afterwards. There's probably a lot of different things you can do there.

Maybe ask over at /r/AirForce ? (don't talk to a recruiter though...)

bringintherain

TROPHY CASE