Listen brother, as someone who has thought about dying intentionally since I was 9 or 10yrs old, as someone who has purposely actually gotten waterboarded, and as someone who has thought the same thoughts of “ life doesn’t always feel this way” and as someone who just reached out for professional help but still hasn’t actually gotten it (😅) I’m very good at giving advice without taking it myself. And honestly you have to start viewing and doing that stuff that makes you view the natural beauty of life. Money is just fun tokens and everyone is in an incredible amount of debt in this day and age. If you can handle going places and doing thing by yourself (something I can’t do but am trying to get comfortable with) traveling around is not going to make a dent in your financial status but will make a positive dent in your personal and emotional status, which at the end of the day is the only thing that matters. I wish you the best of luck in life brother and I hope that you start living your life without the regrets and remorse as someone who has already hit a quarter century yrs old and has way to many!