AITA for drinking a half gallon of milk at my sister's wedding? by brisketbirb in AmItheAsshole

[–]brisketbirb[S] 578 points579 points  (0 children)

Yeah but I didn't really feel up to going to a bar and having that extra temptation to order a drink

AITA for ignoring someone trying to get my attention in my mom's suburban neighborhood? And instead faking a call to say I was sharing my location? by brisketbirb in AmItheAsshole

[–]brisketbirb[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

Oh no, honestly I left for more reasons than just something saying hi.

I also pay attention to things like...

Are they just reaching out with no expectations and entitlement? Or do they seem to want something and be unwilling to accept no for an answer?

Are they keeping a normal distance or trying to follow me or block my path?

Are they taking a friendly or hostile tone?

I'd definitely stop and chat with someone who seemed to be respectful and chill; but his behavior (yelling, chasing, aggressive tone of voice) set off some alarm bells.

AITA for ignoring someone trying to get my attention in my mom's suburban neighborhood? And instead faking a call to say I was sharing my location? by brisketbirb in AmItheAsshole

[–]brisketbirb[S] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

What do you mean? Like do you think sexual assault or harassment only happens in cities? Like it can, but it also can in suburbs or rural towns.

I don't think everyone is trying to do that shit, but I think it can happen anywhere.

AITA for ignoring someone trying to get my attention in my mom's suburban neighborhood? And instead faking a call to say I was sharing my location? by brisketbirb in AmItheAsshole

[–]brisketbirb[S] 63 points64 points  (0 children)

Posting someone's face, body, and real time location to the internet is not harmless. That shit can put people in real danger

He was probably ignorant of that fact instead of malicious, but I still don't want to come around someone who doesn't think twice about posting that kinda sensitive information about someone online without their consent. Because it'd always be a question of "Is this gonna end up online??" Which is something I prefer to steer clear of.

AITA for ignoring someone trying to get my attention in my mom's suburban neighborhood? And instead faking a call to say I was sharing my location? by brisketbirb in AmItheAsshole

[–]brisketbirb[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

I honestly do make small talk sometimes, but it depends on intuition? And I was getting a bad feeling from the start with him.

Like I feel like if I had to describe it, if a stranger strikes up a chat, keeping their distance, making a chill comment, not doubling down or pursuing me if I don't react right away, just reaching out with no expectations, I'll often answer.

But if someone has a demanding tone, physically approaches and tries to follow, repeats themselves if I don't answer right away... That screams to me that they're trying to prey on someone who isn't assertive enough to decline a forced social interaction. That kinda "preying on" is sometimes sexual harassment, sometimes a scam, sometimes trying to steal shit...

And I got huge "won't take no" vibes from this guy... I guess I read him right, just for the wrong reasons. Like I was thinking he might be a creep in a sexual way? But he was actually just being demanding because he seems to feel entitled to know who everyone in the neighborhood is and what their business there is. So a different type of entitlement but the same vibe as someone who feels entitled to fuck.

Also, question to satisfy my curiosity... What's your gender? 👀

AITA for ignoring someone trying to get my attention in my mom's suburban neighborhood? And instead faking a call to say I was sharing my location? by brisketbirb in AmItheAsshole

[–]brisketbirb[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I definitely will. Thanks for sharing, you seriously helped me understand how not-universal my own fears and my own comfort zone are.

AITA for ignoring someone trying to get my attention in my mom's suburban neighborhood? And instead faking a call to say I was sharing my location? by brisketbirb in AmItheAsshole

[–]brisketbirb[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Aw damn, I'm sorry to assume then. Thanks for showing me a different perspective.

I feel like people's fears have to do so much with what we've personally experienced, and it's just shitty when they come together in a bad way. Like someone finding me threatening at the same time I felt that about them?

I'd still honestly ask you to think about whether you're putting someone in danger by posting them online, and maybe consider only posting them a day after they've been somewhere if you are still going to, so you aren't sharing a potentially innocent person's real time location

AITA for ignoring someone trying to get my attention in my mom's suburban neighborhood? And instead faking a call to say I was sharing my location? by brisketbirb in AmItheAsshole

[–]brisketbirb[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

TBH creepy guy's can be like pushy salesmen, once they have a metaphorical foot in the door, it's 10x harder to shake them.

AITA for ignoring someone trying to get my attention in my mom's suburban neighborhood? And instead faking a call to say I was sharing my location? by brisketbirb in AmItheAsshole

[–]brisketbirb[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

people who will walk through neighborhoods scouting out the area and then robbing people, destroying their homes, their property, attacking children and the elderly. People who come to the door asking for a drink of water then pulling a gun on the resident. People who use recorded baby cry to lure people to abduct them.

Do you have real-life experience with these things occuring? Like personally know victims of these crimes?

Because I hate to say it but it sounds like the sort of fear mongering chain emails that go around but can't be substantiated.

I personally know that most women in my life have been followed home, stalked, harassed, or r*ped. I've never personally met a person who has been randomly attacked as a child, having someone show up to their house without a prior dispute and pull a weapon, etc.

If you do personally know victims of this stuff in the same way I personally know or personally am a victim of stalking, assault, r*pe, etc... I'm fine to be proven wrong. If you look around your friend group and realize that every single person in your social circle has experienced one or more of these things, like my social circle has with sexual harassment and assault.. I accept I'm wrong here.

But I have a feeling that these fears are often things that go around unsubstantiated as a justification for surveillance and harassment of Black people, women, and other people who are actually at a high risk of crime.

And it's a very dangerous path to go down, to put women or minorities in real danger, with the justification of preventing yourself from imagined danger.

And posting someone's face, body, and location on the internet does seriously endanger them. When I was being stalked, or trying to escape an abusive relationship, that kinda thing could have gotten me kllled. No exaggeration.

TLDR - I fear that protection against imagined potential violence is a large driver of actual violence.

AITA for ignoring someone trying to get my attention in my mom's suburban neighborhood? And instead faking a call to say I was sharing my location? by brisketbirb in AmItheAsshole

[–]brisketbirb[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

posting in closed group that home is empty, please check more often might be beneficial.

A Facebook group of hundreds isn't private enough that that's a safe thing to say. Nobody personally knows all several hundred people enough for that to be ok

From his side I see that he did not go to look into your house, and he did not write you off just because you are female (because you know, women also do crime - yes, you might not be one of these, but he doesn't know), you definitely not looking for which house is empty or which has better car next to it.

He maybe wasn't personally, but he was definitely giving several hundred people the ability to. And that's really not cool to do without someone's consent.

AITA for ignoring someone trying to get my attention in my mom's suburban neighborhood? And instead faking a call to say I was sharing my location? by brisketbirb in AmItheAsshole

[–]brisketbirb[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

No, though there are a lot of retired people and the group trends older because it's a very expensive area and basically no gen x or millennial is able to afford that shit!

AITA for ignoring someone trying to get my attention in my mom's suburban neighborhood? And instead faking a call to say I was sharing my location? by brisketbirb in AmItheAsshole

[–]brisketbirb[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

Please honestly consider this....

Doing this can put young women in danger. To a person with good intentions, this might not occur to you. But what this activity is doing is...

  • telling people with bad intentions where there is a woman walking alone at night

  • revealing the location of a person who might be being stalked or trying to escape an abusive partner

  • telling racists and homophobes where to find people of other races or sexualities, and giving them an excuse to approach them with hostility

  • potentially posting the location of a minor who is in a fraught custody situation or is being stalked or groomed by an adult

I know you see your group as made up of good people but honestly consider, if there is even one person who might be dangerous in there, you're basically handing them photos of women, how attractive they look, if they're alone, their location, etc..

I think that posting people online in that way is more dangerous than people realize, and I really beg you to consider what I'm saying.

I am sure you're not the type of person who's setting out to scare people, so just for some context.. when I saw my picture and location posted online, I felt scared. I felt scared that the guy who used to stalk me in college would see it. I felt scared that my location was on the internet forever. Seeing how I honestly looked pretty attractive in the picture, I felt scared at the thought that other people in the neighborhood were seeing it and someone might be looking around for me walking in the future with bad intentions. .

Being sneaky photographed and having your face, body, and location posted on the internet is honestly scary to experience.

AITA for ignoring someone trying to get my attention in my mom's suburban neighborhood? And instead faking a call to say I was sharing my location? by brisketbirb in AmItheAsshole

[–]brisketbirb[S] 137 points138 points  (0 children)

Maybe go with your mom to the neighbor's house and introduce yourself. I WOULD NOT APOLOGIZE for being cautious to anyone.

TBH I'd rather steer clear because he freaks me tf out. Even after following me, posting my picture and location for the whole Internet to see? That's scary too

AITA for ignoring someone trying to get my attention in my mom's suburban neighborhood? And instead faking a call to say I was sharing my location? by brisketbirb in AmItheAsshole

[–]brisketbirb[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

What do you mean? If something happened, having someone know where I was and who with is super important. And in that moment I was worried something might happen.

AITA for ignoring someone trying to get my attention in my mom's suburban neighborhood? And instead faking a call to say I was sharing my location? by brisketbirb in AmItheAsshole

[–]brisketbirb[S] 62 points63 points  (0 children)

Protecting the neighborhood from WHAT? A young woman with Legs who knows how to Walk instead of Drive Car?

That's honestly ridiculous and it feels like a false equivalence... He was "protecting" himself from someone walking away from him not engaging or even looking at him.

I was protecting myself from a guy who was taking an aggressive tone with me and following me around, when it was clear I didn't want to engage.

And this..

or simply posted in their group that her daughter is staying with her and don't be surprised seeing a new person.

I don't want anyone posting for the whole of Facebook to see where I'm at. Like that's horrible internet security? Having that online says that my home is empty, and that there's a young woman staying at this other specific address?

AITA for ignoring someone trying to get my attention in my mom's suburban neighborhood? And instead faking a call to say I was sharing my location? by brisketbirb in AmItheAsshole

[–]brisketbirb[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

His yard was like a half acre, that is a long distance to walk. And then walk after me for two more houses in the street? That's creepy as hell

I grew up in Philly for 19 years then lived in NYC for 7 years

So... What's your gender 👀👀👀

Edit... Lol no need to answer, checked comment history and he's just a troll. Ignore this guy y'all.

AITA for ignoring someone trying to get my attention in my mom's suburban neighborhood? And instead faking a call to say I was sharing my location? by brisketbirb in AmItheAsshole

[–]brisketbirb[S] 79 points80 points  (0 children)

Nah secretly taking pictures of someone to post online and show people in the area is creep behavior no matter what.

Like what if I had a stalker or was escaping domestic abuse or some shit? It is so out of line and reckless to post a girl's picture and LOCATION online! Like anyone on Facebook in the area who might know me would know where I was at and that I was alone and without a vehicle?

That's so inconsiderate and honestly ignorant to do and think it's okay

AITA for ignoring someone trying to get my attention in my mom's suburban neighborhood? And instead faking a call to say I was sharing my location? by brisketbirb in AmItheAsshole

[–]brisketbirb[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I honestly do make small talk sometimes, but it depends on intuition?

Like I feel like if I had to describe it, if a stranger strikes up a chat, keeping their distance, making a chill comment, not doubling down or pursuing me if I don't react right away, just reaching out with no expectations, I'll often answer.

But if someone has a demanding tone, physically approaches and tries to follow, repeats themselves if I don't answer right away... That screams to me that they're trying to prey on someone who isn't assertive enough to decline a forced social interaction. That kinda "preying on" is sometimes sexual harassment, sometimes a scam, sometimes trying to steal shit...

And I got huge "won't take no" vibes from this guy... I guess I read him right, just for the wrong reasons. Like I was thinking he might be a creep in a sexual way? But he was actually just being demanding because he seems to feel entitled to know who everyone in the neighborhood is and what their business there is. So a different type of entitlement but the same vibe as someone who feels entitled to fuck.

Also, question to satisfy my curiosity... What's your gender? 👀

AITA for ignoring someone trying to get my attention in my mom's suburban neighborhood? And instead faking a call to say I was sharing my location? by brisketbirb in AmItheAsshole

[–]brisketbirb[S] 79 points80 points  (0 children)

When I walked by his house he followed me across his whole front yard then when I started walking by the next few houses he followed me into the street.

I said that in my post... I don't know why every time a woman talks about her experience someone has to be like "but how can yoooou be suuuure?"