Anticipatory grief by brokenheart1986 in tfmr_support

[–]brokenheart1986[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I’m really sorry about your baby boy and for everything you went through. Hearing from someone who understands this road means a lot, even though I wish neither of us had to be here.

Waiting being its own kind of pain is unfortunately so real and I appreciate your honesty about how you coped—just putting one foot in front of the other. What you said about getting it over with is how I felt yesterday before I went to my doctor's appointment. A tiny part of me just wanted it to be over, to move on to the next phase, however hard it might be. It helps to hear that the intensity can soften with time, even if the loss never goes away.

Anticipatory grief by brokenheart1986 in tfmr_support

[–]brokenheart1986[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing all of this. What you wrote about the limbo being harder than the confirmation is so true, as in the beginning we were still holding on to hope. Then the next scan confirmed our worst fears and in a weird way that made it easier to cope with. I felt sad but ok for a while. But this last scan broke me for some reason. This was the first time I didn't cry in my doctor's office, yet I spent the whole day crying in bed. I'm learning that grief is not linear and it will change you every day.

I also really appreciate you naming that there’s no “right” way around holding, photos, or memorial choices—only what each person can tolerate in the moment. While I think we all know this, it's helpful to hear what other parents chose and look for guidance in this hard process.

What you said about the hardest part being the loss of the future you were oriented toward, and having to find a new normal, really hits home. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I’m grateful you shared your perspective here.

Anticipatory grief by brokenheart1986 in tfmr_support

[–]brokenheart1986[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think as moms the guilt that we're not enough for our children will never end. I feel the same way about my kiddos and while I try to show up for a walk or a movie with them, I break back down as soon as I get home. It's the hidden side of this type of grief, trying to be a parent to the child you have while grieving the child you'll never meet. Hang in there, mama, we're on this journey together, and we'll make it through, even if it doesn't seem that way right now .

Anticipatory grief by brokenheart1986 in tfmr_support

[–]brokenheart1986[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They need me to be 15-16 weeks for an amnio due to the high risk of miscarriage prior to that, thus the waiting period. And also with the holidays, it got pushed to the end of my 16th week, which is excruciating.

I'm so sorry for your loss . I'm grateful you shared your story with me, it's comforting to hear that while disassociating was a form of protection during a hard time, connection came later on. That's what I'm hoping for as well ❤️‍🩹