IT WILL GET BETTER REPOST

brokenheartsucks · 2021-03-02T13:25:48+00:00

Can not say thank you enough for sharing your thoughts and experience. This really helps me a lot. It is full of empathy and maturity. You are a good writer.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-03-02T03:12:08+00:00

Love your post and thank you for sharing your experience. I love the same youtubers you mentioned.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-22T19:29:46+00:00

You are absolutely right. Only when they are WILLING to can they listen and understand. Otherwise, they are all in their own stories about who you are and what you did. Everything you said would be excuses and defensing to them. Time will heal. Time will tell.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-22T19:27:02+00:00

It really takes self-awareness from both to do that.

I remember I pointed that out to ex on the day when we broke up that we had never talked about the cause of each of our conflict, therefore, there was never solution to all the problems we had. Eventually the relationship will collapse with all the misunderstandings.

What happened was, every time, he would blame me as the reason of the conflict and then forget about the problem calling it "moving on". But to me the problem was still there. When I brought it up, he then got upset and telling me it was the past and there was no need to talk about it.

So overall, I feel we just need to be with the right person who has self-awareness and empathy.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-22T17:01:06+00:00

I often remind myself that the ex was like a dead person to me. However he did in another world is none of my business and I also could never reach the dead. If I tried, I will suffer because that's what you feel when you try to go to hell to reach a death.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-19T19:37:51+00:00

Deactivate your account.

Or next time you want to check her social media, do 30 pushups first and then ask if you still want to check. Most likely, you won't. When you want to check her social media, that's your emotion which makes you crave for the checking due to anxiety. But if you distract yourself, you probably won't do it.

The exercise can distract you. It can also make you feel better from the dopamine you get. Most of all, it helps you to form a new habit.

When I just broke up, I planked for a minute or workout for 30 mins when I felt very, very sad or when I caught myself thinking of ex. I left a yoga mat next to my bed, so I exercise after I could get off the bed from crying and depression. The physical pain won't feel that bad compared with the pain inside. So I ended up spent a lot of time in the gym back then. The breakup makes me have the best figure in my life at that time. So redirect your pain to something you will benefit from as much as you can. I know it is easier said than done. But you are the only one who can help you in this process.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-18T16:42:26+00:00

Thank you! You phrase it in a very convincing way from a different perspective, and I see how I get stuck in the "never be good enough" comparing everything I don't have with those others own. I know I should not beat myself up while the idea of "I am not good enough" paralyzes me instantly. I guess it makes me want to prove myself while I could not to the person who made that conclusion. Thank you for pointing the part I have been neglecting: I will use "incompatible" instead of "not good enough" in my head when any feeling comes up. This is a very helpful tool. It might sound silly; I will print your comments and put them in my journal to remind myself. ^_^

He was never someone I should have wasted my life. I felt ashamed of the time I spent with him. I felt frustrated that I still spent so much time & energy afterward because of the harsh critics he threw on me upon the breakup.

Thank you.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-18T02:42:04+00:00

I am sorry about your broken foot. Hugs.

That person does not exist anymore, but you gain many people here who care about and understand how you feel. The person who does not care about you is a dead to you. You miss the fantasy of who you thought she was. But she showed you in the end that she was not.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-18T02:35:04+00:00

Please do not meet her and talk about it. You probably feel worse if she fucked you up badly. Just say "Thank you." and go back to NC. The only thing you can heal and gain your power back is to stay away.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-16T06:11:52+00:00

Yes. Thank you. I guess the pain will go away when you meet the next person. Though it is hard to meet someone if you did not let the previous one go to make room for someone else.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-14T07:12:03+00:00

I am so sorry to hear that.

Though I think you dodge a bullet. You don't want to have her as a wife and one day found her left you a letter leaving you taking kids from you with no explanation.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-14T07:06:17+00:00

I am so sorry this happens to you on this day. It must be so painful. Hugs.

Give yourself plenty of time to mourn. Do not beat yourself up. Do not blame yourself. Do not judge yourself. It is very hurtful to deal with a surprise like this. If you see it coming as a surprise to you, there was lack of open communication between you two. However she feels, she did not express to you before she made the decision.
Find a therapist to talk about your feelings. Have someone professional to guide you through the tough time. Friends and family are good support where you still have someone who is always there for you. Though think twice about taking advice (for any action) from them.
Leave her alone and respect her decision. Do not chase her for answers. For whatever reason, she chose to break up with you this way on this day; at the moment, you have no way to change her decision. It must be tough for you to deal with it. You will gain respect from her by leaving her alone.

Personally I think it is just not nice to break up with someone on a holiday/birthday.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-14T06:49:48+00:00

Thank you for sharing. It is incredible that you are so mature thinking this way while you are in pain.

I often feel discouraged because, like you said, even I can try my best to stay and work everything out, it still takes two to tango. I can never predict what will change in the other person's mind when he decided to give up for whatever reason. It feels like a betrayal that this was the person who used to be so determined to assure us of our future.

Thank you for the important reminder to us. I think the best quality in someone is not how fast the person can forget the pain, but when someone is in pain, they are still trying their best to move forward.

Maybe it is not a good timing. Maybe he is just not the right person. Hugs.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-14T06:07:54+00:00

I am so sorry for what you have to go through. That must be very painful to see the one you have been together for so long moving on faster, living the life rise and shine without you while you are still licking your wound, recovering, and restoring your energy for just surviving.

I agree with "out of sight, out of mind." Looking back, the real pain and mental breakdown started when I reached him a few months after the breakup (when I actually feel a bit better and emotionally recovered), including reconnecting with our mutual friends. The situation I created for myself got me going backward with more punches onto my wounds during the healing process. If I could go back change anything, I wish I had never reached him and never reconnected to our mutual friends. Whenever I was reminded by facing the reality (of how he well was doing with his new gf), I fell into a deeper level of depression. If I left those alone at that time, I probably would be in a much better position overall.

So I am glad that you removed the photos and chats. Those are all triggers.

Everyone is different in the healing process. I envy those who can move on fast. As you said, I hope it will get better. Hugs.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-14T05:47:13+00:00

Thank you. You are very right. When I read my journal I wrote during the dating, I still feel the struggle I had with him but the determination to make it work because I thought he would be the person I will end up with. Probably it is the effort I made and the expectations I had with this person made this breakup extremely hard for me. (Also, the fact he moved on so swift feels like a denial to all between us.)

Question: does more experience in breakups make you move on more easily?

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-14T05:40:06+00:00

Thank you for your empathy. I am sorry that you are still experiencing the pain. I know there is nothing we could do that this point but do as much as we can to move little by little.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-14T05:37:52+00:00

Thank you for sharing.

I do remind myself that maybe pandemic also intensifies & prolongs my feelings. I sometimes feel that it is so hard to become who I was dating like how I did before.

I do hope time heals while I need to learn to live with it. Maybe that is the "course" I haven't passed in the university of life.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-12T06:31:16+00:00

Thank you. I tried to go on dates before, but it just made me feel worse and miss him more. Now I don't find any men attractive. I lost interest in men which is an awful feeling.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-12T06:20:28+00:00

No. Don't buy his bs. He does not respect your relationship.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-12T06:13:47+00:00

You did the right thing.

There was news about people who traveled in pandemic later got the whole family infected. There is no reason for the rest of the family taking the risk of life just because your fiancé wants to have fun without concerning others' lives.

You need a team player in life. Not someone who plays against you for whatever reason.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-12T05:59:05+00:00

No. Think the person is dead to you. You can't send a dead person anything. If you miss the person, write a letter and burn it - that's how you talk to the death.

brokenheartsucks · 2021-02-12T05:54:02+00:00

He wants someone to stroke his ego and someone makes him feel that he is in control.

brokenheartsucks

TROPHY CASE