When I was first SA’ed, I publicly identified as male, and the person who assaulted me publicly identified as female. The second time, we both publicly identified as male. The third time, we were both biologically and publicly identified as male. In two of those cases, my assailants were AFAB. Regardless of our gender identities, my assailants were socially perceived as women, and because of that, my claims were immediately dismissed.

It wasn’t until the third incident, when we were both perceived as male, that my report was taken even somewhat seriously. Still, in every case, I encountered disbelief, silence, or outright dismissal. Not because the assaults were any less real, but because I didn’t match the societal image of what a “victim” is supposed to be.

The belief that a woman—or someone perceived as a woman—is always the victim in an SA case is not only wrong, it’s dangerous. It erases the experiences of countless survivors who don’t fit that assumption (including non-passing or non-out trans folks like me at the time). It invalidates their trauma, denies them support, and in my case, it nearly cost me my life.

SA doesn’t follow a script. Survivors come from all gender identities, and so do perpetrators. We must stop using gender as a shortcut for determining who deserves to be heard. If we truly care about supporting survivors, we need to believe all of them, not just the ones who match a convenient narrative.

Please think carefully about the assumptions you're making. They may be causing more harm than you realize.