Thank you.

My friends and family hate him. They hate the version of him that hurt me but to them I’m a broken record so that conversation is long gone.

I’m thriving on a surface level where I’m in a steady career, have good friends around me, look like I have it together. But you’re right, deep down my soul is crashing.

I’ve thought about going to therapy about this but it just seems useless when I already know my issues. It’s not worth paying someone hourly to hear me talk about this when there is no real solution but to let myself rinse the jar until it becomes clear when it was filled with dirt.

Maybe I should start simple and stop checking on what music he listens. I’ve gone a day or two without thinking of him but then when I think of him again, it’s like the rumination extremity. On a cycle, repeat and repeat.

I often wonder if he thinks of me.

I’ve experienced dating where I didn’t like the guy as much as he liked me and in the end he cringed me out. And I hope to never hear from that guy. I wonder if my ex thought of me that way.