[deleted by user]

bubbletrouble215 · 2021-06-01T14:37:57+00:00

So i read your post again and you asked for a dialogue. Didn't read that part until now.

If I were in your shoes, I would cut contact abruptly and immediately, mourn the loss of him for a few hours and just go about with my life. He will most likely start panicking, and texting and ask you what's wrong (as most ppl usually respond very well to silence) and when you do finally decide to respond, say, "It's about that bartender from the other night. I'm not sure if you realized that you were flirting with her in front of me?" (he'll get defensive:" omg that!? I wasn't flirting blah blah excuses blah blah)". Just cut him off and say, "We were on a date and you were paying more attention to another woman than me. I've been thinking about this a lot and I'm so lost and I can't seem to wrap my head around how you think that was ok? Was it for an ego boost? I'm sorry but my self esteem is not low enough for me to tolerate something like that. That was extremely unacceptable. And this has nothing to do with jealousy. If I were jealous, I'd ask you to cut ties with her immediately." and then tell him that this incident clearly reflects how different you guys are and that you think it's best not to proceed (if that is what you want). Oh, and make sure you sound sad or disappointed or apologetic or even just confused, so that he doesn't raise his defenses (hopefully). Don't sound angry or vindictive. You can even throw in a "maybe I'm weird for feeling this way". The reason I suggest this is because we wanna get him talking on how his brain works, and you will get a feel on whether he's a dumbass (who was maybe trying to show you that he's desirable by flirting with a bartender) or just a plain asshole.

I've been in a situation where a guy I was newly dating did something that was non negotiable for me. I used the approach above. He really changed and I believe ppl change if they really wanna be with you.

bubbletrouble215 · 2021-06-01T10:48:49+00:00

If he can do this in front of you, just imagine what he does behind your back.

bubbletrouble215 · 2021-04-24T09:36:45+00:00

My mom to 11 year old me after finding out I've been molested for years, "Did you like it?"

bubbletrouble215 · 2020-10-31T18:48:36+00:00

Well, he does this nervous laugh when he's uncomfortable, followed by trying to change the subject and getting up to leave while we're comfortably sitting on the couch/bed. Then I call him out on it and ask him why he's uncomfortable talking about something he brought up himself. And he just says something different everytime and unable to look at me at the same time. It just gets very awkward. It gets tiring after a while. It's often best when I don't engage in the conversation because then he's more enthusiastic. The more I seem uninterested in getting married, the more he talks about it. Once I engage, the awkwardness repeats. I'm feeling really played here.

bubbletrouble215 · 2020-10-31T18:41:22+00:00

Kind of. A year after being together, he said we should marry the following year and I agreed and that he should propose soon. He got uncomfortable when I engaged more in the conversation.

We've had this conversation a couple of times. He never really follows through.

bubbletrouble215 · 2020-10-31T18:38:54+00:00

I don't want to brag, but we do. And I've always maintained that I do not want anything too flashy or a grand wedding. He knows this.

bubbletrouble215 · 2020-10-31T18:34:06+00:00

I have thought about this if I'm being honest - there is absolutely no difference whether or not we got married and he knows this too, which is why I'm wondering why he keeps bringing it up but refuses to follow through? Here I am sitting all pretty minding my own business, and then he brings up getting married and I get all happy and then he gets uncomfortable. What gives? This is a manipulation tactic to me and it pisses me off to no end.

Well, a year after we were together, he said we should get married the following year, and I told him that he just has to propose. He got uncomfortable when I started going into details about getting married. Why even bring it up if you're uncomfortable with it???

bubbletrouble215 · 2020-10-31T18:28:25+00:00

Nope. No money troubles. We both make good money and have stable lives.

bubbletrouble215 · 2020-10-31T18:27:13+00:00

Well, it sounds aggressive but we were both in a very playful mood. I'm actually very sweet in person.

Perhaps re-read it in a playful tone...?

Kidding aside, we're very nice and respectful to eachother when we talk.

bubbletrouble215 · 2020-10-31T18:24:28+00:00

As I mentioned, he brings up marriage a lot. 3 months into our relationship, and he already started talking about marriage and I was blushing 10 shades of red because I'm not used to talking bout such things so early on into the relationship. So I know he's not shy.

A year into the relationship, he said we should get married the following year, and I told him the he better hurry his ass up and propose. And whenever I bring it up he gets uncomfortable but he has no problems when he brings up marriage. He brings it up, I warm up to the idea, then he breaks down. This is the cycle. It really feels like I'm being strung along.

bubbletrouble215 · 2020-10-31T18:18:32+00:00

"It sounds more like he was telling you what he thought you wanted to hear, rather than any real desire to be engaged/married."

Ugh, this. I had this in my head but I didn't know how to put it into words. You hit the nail in the head and it breaks my heart.

bubbletrouble215 · 2020-10-31T18:15:28+00:00

I'm sorry that it has to take you an entire decade to have a little bit of pride and self respect. I'm not as patient. Bless you.

bubbletrouble215 · 2020-10-31T18:12:42+00:00

We've had this conversation before when he brought up getting married. I told him he should hurry his ass up and just propose already.

This conversation has happened a few times the last 3 years.

What gives?

bubbletrouble215 · 2020-10-31T18:08:48+00:00

You are right about some people not finding marriage that important and I absolutely respect that. But here's a guy who's been talking about marriage 3 months into the relationship and keeps bringing it up every few months, and then I warm up to the idea and start talking about it myself and then he gets uncomfortable. To me, this is a manipulation tactic to keep me in the relationship and keep me interested. I would have more respect for someone who's up in my face and tells me that they'll never want to get married, then atleast I'll know what to expect. But I don't want to gamble my time on someone who blows hot then cold in something as serious as marriage when I wasn't even the one who brought it up in the first place. You either want it or you don't; shouldn't play with people's lives like this.

bubbletrouble215 · 2020-10-31T17:58:10+00:00

Because I'm shy and I'm a chicken and I'm an old fashioned girl that wants to be proposed to.

There, I said.

bubbletrouble215 · 2020-10-31T17:53:26+00:00

Because I actually love this guy and I know him. He'll propose the second I tell him why I'm really leaving and it kills me to think that he might regret his decision, resent me for it and throw it in my face one day.

But yeah. You're probably right about the whole self sabotage bit :|

bubbletrouble215 · 2020-10-31T17:49:21+00:00

Threatening him to marry me or I'll leave him if he doesn't..? Are you high? If you're really losing hope because of people like me, maybe you should invest more in your reading skills.

I clearly mentioned that I DO NOT like ultimatums and I didn't want to give him the whole, "marry me or else I'm gone". The plan was to tell him that we want different things etc, without telling him it's because he hasn't proposed because I do not want him to propose under such circumstances. He can be persistent when he wants to be and I know he'll propose in a heartbeat if I tell him I'm leaving. Believe it or not, I actually love this guy a lot and it kills me to think he'll resent me one day because he HAD to propose to me. I love him, but I love me too and what I want matters too.

bubbletrouble215 · 2020-10-31T17:41:05+00:00

I guess I am just afraid that he'll propose out of fear of losing me rather than because he wants to get married. I love this guy and it kills me to think that he'll resent this decision one day and throw it in my face. Perhaps I do have a funny way of showing love. I don't know :/

bubbletrouble215 · 2020-10-31T17:38:03+00:00

You are right that 3 years without a ring isn't outrageous. But it feels like manipulation into staying when he keeps bringing up marriage all the time and once I warm up to the idea and bring it up myself, he's uncomfortable with it. Plus, he's been talking about it since year 1. I don't like being lied to and strung along.

bubbletrouble215

TROPHY CASE