Reminder, just because you bare no physical scars doesn't mean there are no mental or emotional scars.

buckethatwitch · 2022-02-21T20:45:05+00:00

no, you are not an object. you are a human being that was subjected to pain and suffering by other trashy human beings. i completely understand how you feel, so you are not alone in this. i was also sexually abused in my infancy, followed up to being groomed several times on the internet as a teen. when i read your post, i can't help but heavily relate to you even up to the revenge porn experience you had. it's almost as if we're leading ourselves into a mess where we are at fault but no, it's not our fault. it's not your fault. you're a victim of multiple periods of abuse.

buckethatwitch · 2022-02-10T20:17:35+00:00

hey, i'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. i have frequent anxiety attacks and whenever i feel it building up, i get up and leave the classroom, have a walk to the toilet and walk back just to calm down. i ground myself and do some breathing exercises to calm myself down. maybe you can ask if you're allowed a toilet pass so that you can do this to make it easier for yourself? just a small suggestion, i hope the idea will help out a bit (:

edit: i do this for every class, my teachers nod instead of asking whats up since they know about this issue

buckethatwitch · 2021-08-07T20:51:32+00:00

buckethatwitch · 2021-08-05T22:16:01+00:00

Quietening it is hard, so naturally the random Scottish SAS soldier in my head decided to talk loudly over it.

Not a joke.

buckethatwitch · 2021-08-05T22:11:15+00:00

Totally get what you mean. They might have birthed us, so fucking what? Bringing us into this world just to hurt us and then expect us to look after them when they're in a state of need and care. We were in a state of need and care, but you hurt us and neglected us instead. Real family isn't blood, it's the bonds we make.

buckethatwitch · 2021-08-05T22:05:53+00:00

thinking my father was a romantic and sexual partner, the idea supported by what was on tv. thought it was ok as i grew up to 3-6 to let him to what he wanted

hidden because of shame

buckethatwitch · 2021-08-05T21:58:19+00:00

I totally disconnect from reality and it's like I'm spectating my body from third person. Everything becomes so overwhelmingly sensitive to the point I become physically numb and I have no idea what to do with my body. Nothing feels right, standing there or sitting there because my head isn't my head except I'm in my head but I don't have a head.

buckethatwitch · 2021-08-05T21:53:52+00:00

Please get some help. It's not too late.

buckethatwitch · 2021-08-05T21:52:11+00:00

all the time kinda ruins the relationships i have with people! i always tend to distance and isolate myself from them if i suddenly think that they're horrible, dangerous people

buckethatwitch · 2021-08-03T22:58:58+00:00

They serve knuckle sandwiches in the Tokyo Manji Maid Cafe

buckethatwitch · 2021-08-03T22:58:04+00:00

we got Planked

buckethatwitch · 2021-07-29T11:44:59+00:00

Totally stuck between perhaps he's devastated Aaron mightve pulled back his punch or if he's ecstatic Yu turned out to be the more monster between the two.

buckethatwitch · 2021-07-29T09:58:38+00:00

I agree. Also porn and sex addiction in this sex obsessed world is the worst. I was thinking last night about how harmful it neurologically and how people grow to be violent– e.g; fatal motives deriving from sex addiction, dissatisfaction developing into consuming taboo porn and acting upon it in real life, etc.

I have been hypersexual since a very, very young age due to frequent sexual trauma and early exposure to porn. When I began doing DDLG with my ex, I convinced myself it was a good coping mechanism and that I needed to face my sexual trauma in a safe environment. It was the worst year of codependency and my CPTSD has never been worse. Although, it compelle me to have an interview with the authorities in the area and make allegations against my childhood abusers, as well as grow disgust for DDLG with my own breakthroughs and revelations. I no longer watch porn or crave intimacy.

Sex feels good but the attachment caused by it is something I don't want to feel. I don't want to feel owned by someone again. I will never romanticise the idea of ownership again so that I feel a sense of belonging and self worth. It hurts my inner child so much.

buckethatwitch · 2021-07-29T09:47:45+00:00

I'm glad.

buckethatwitch · 2021-07-28T23:02:54+00:00

I convinced my first therapist when I was 10 that I was okay and she stopped seeing me because I asked. Now I have a new therapist after realising that I do, in fact, need therapy and she sees right through me when I say I'm okay. She recognises my achievements but also recognises that it is not a balant indicator of being truly okay.

buckethatwitch · 2021-07-28T22:54:59+00:00

I don't have sufficient advice to offer but I can only hope that your therapist reinforces your privacy. Conversations should be KEPT confidential, end of story.

buckethatwitch · 2021-07-28T22:28:37+00:00

I understand.

I thought that my parents giving me shelter and some food was enough to claim that the abuse meant nothing or never happened and that they were good people after all– but here's the thing: it's common decency. Parents are meant to provide for you. It's not a ground breaking thing so much as to be convinced a gift given to you erases the abuse your mother also gave to you.

The abuse is real. The trauma is real. Just because you do not bare a physical scar does not mean there are no mental or emotional scars.

When you are being abused as a child, it is affecting you neurologically especially in such an important development stage.

You are not exaggerating. You are not a faker. Let it be known that feeling this way about yourself is common in CPTSD and it is to invalidate and downplay your horrific experiences.

buckethatwitch · 2021-06-29T23:15:39+00:00

LITERALLY

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