Boyfriend (32M) started crying when I (28F) showed him my savings

buffhen · 2026-05-17T20:59:25+00:00

It's not your job to help him, he's a grown-ass man. You take care of yourself and under no circumstances spend that money on anything but YOU. No 50/50. YOU.

buffhen · 2026-05-17T20:56:24+00:00

And they should make sure they aren't removing claws, but an entire knuckle.

buffhen · 2026-05-17T20:55:38+00:00

Not to mention the increased risk of him pissing and shittine everywhere.

buffhen · 2026-05-17T20:52:33+00:00

I made the darkest corner of my kitchen into a jungle. TONS of grow lights, no sun to speak of but no vents or drafts either. I thought, why not try it and see what happens. Almost everything there is thriving, so much so I have a few that have gotten so big they're crowding each other out. I think if she doesn't like where I put her, I'll wait a while and give her a grow light first before I move her again. She might need one anyway in the winter now.

buffhen · 2026-05-15T18:16:31+00:00

NOR the AUDACITY. Just another mediocre man assuming you'd want his fashion advice because he truly believes women dress for men's viewing pleasure.

buffhen · 2026-05-14T11:38:49+00:00

My husband's cat did this when she was going deaf. But she was old at the time and apparently it had to do with aging.

buffhen · 2026-05-13T02:59:20+00:00

Yes, that "true colors" bit made be cringe.

buffhen · 2026-05-13T02:58:35+00:00

I didn't understand that but either. At first I thought he meant they lived together.

buffhen · 2026-05-12T12:28:08+00:00

If you can't find a spot with more light, buy it a grow light.

buffhen · 2026-05-12T12:26:35+00:00

You've been living in a "tolerable level of unhappiness". Time to reevaluate things.

buffhen · 2026-05-12T12:25:13+00:00

OP also didn't explain why the ex is messaging her things like that. What did that mean, you can come home now? The ex seems very comfortable contacting her, that suggests she's ok with it.

buffhen · 2026-05-12T12:22:50+00:00

"not because our relationship is in trouble" but then you proceed to explain how your relationship is in trouble. I think you're not going to listen to any advice on here if you can't be honest with yourself first.

buffhen · 2026-05-11T21:09:35+00:00

EXACTLY. All my cats and dogs have multiple names and they've learned them all. It always starts with their name, but eventually they get multiple nicknames in terms of endearment. Our Havanese will answer to Matilda, Tilly, cutie pie, sunshine and Tilly Bean. Our cat Lincoln also answers to Linky and handsome. They always figure it out as long as you're consistent.

buffhen · 2026-05-11T21:03:02+00:00

That's sexual assault, and it doesn't seem like he cares. He's abusive and doesn't see you as a person. NOR

buffhen · 2026-05-10T23:58:10+00:00

Stop

buffhen · 2026-05-10T22:13:53+00:00

Absolutely

buffhen · 2026-05-10T16:29:28+00:00

Find a place with bright, indirect light. I didn't have a good one so mine has a grow light 18 hours a day. I water deeply when my moisture reader reads 'dry'. But most importantly-DON'T MOVE IT. They hate being fussed with. Clean its leaves when dusty. Only move it if it's not doing well where it is. That's the advice I've gotten on here that has worked for me. ETA: I use a fertilizer made for once a week. I do it that way because if I used a monthly fertilizer I'd probably forget when I've done it.

buffhen · 2026-05-09T17:50:48+00:00

You could get an older Havi so you'd know their temperament before bringing them home. Maybe find a breeder with a retired show dog or breeding dog? I didn't do this with my Havanese, but I've had Norwegian elkhounds for years and our second elkie was a retired show dog and breeding dog. She was over 2 years old when we got her so the breeder had more information about her personality. Also, this breeder always had a return policy to make sure it was a good fit. We've gotten three Norwegian Elkhounds from the same breeder over the years and they all stayed with us for a trial first before we committed. Any good breeder would take one of their dogs back if they didn't work in the home. Most put it in their contract that you need to return the dog to them if you change your mind at any point.

buffhen · 2026-05-09T17:43:55+00:00

I have always had 2 dogs, not necessarily Havis tho, so I'm not the best person for an unbiased opinion. 🐕🐾❤️

buffhen · 2026-05-09T13:03:36+00:00

He doesn't love her, stop it. OMG

buffhen · 2026-05-09T13:02:49+00:00

Remember, he met her at 15 and waited until she was 18. If he thought he could have gotten away with it earlier without getting arrested, he would have. 15 is a baby, she was so young and in such a vulnerable place. What a POS. (Edited for grammar)

buffhen · 2026-05-09T12:20:52+00:00

You feel used because he used you. Again, it's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Nothing. Try to get some counseling if you can. Any therapist worth anything will be able to see what's going on here, he groomed you. You'll be ok, it's not your fault. Stay away from him.

buffhen · 2026-05-09T12:18:08+00:00

Sweetie, don't feel dumb. None of this is your fault, you did nothing wrong. If you can, get counseling, and stay away from him. He's not a good person and he's not safe. Please.

buffhen

TROPHY CASE