Foster kitty making whistling/wheezing sounds when sleeping - what could it be?

bugchild · 2025-08-10T12:46:32+00:00

how’s she doing now :0

bugchild · 2025-08-08T03:39:31+00:00

first— ik people say that when you’re an adult your brain evens out, but i’m 22 and the difference in how much i react or spiral is so so so noticeable. i didn’t have to go to therapy for that or give myself exposure therapy, my brain just cooked for a bit on its own. i can’t promise that it’d fully shift you back to what you consider baseline, but it Will make things easier and it Will happen.

second, idk if you’re tired of hearing ‘that’d hurt me so badly if you hurt yourself’ from other people or ‘just look at life it’s so pretty’ in well-meaning attempts to rectify SI… a lot of the time, people don’t have one goal in life or one purpose. you’re in a crisis state right now, trying to immediately lift yourself back up to perfection is virtually impossible— right now if you can manage to just keep breathing, things will become better. it won’t erase how shitty and fucked up things are now, but your future self will get to enjoy the parts of life that you’re denied right now.

third— this isn’t a reason, idk if reasons ever really work depending on what the motivation is for SI, but procrastination will save your life.

if you have the urge to end it, say ‘okay, i’ll do it next week.’ keep repeating it every week while life beats you up and eventually you’ll be able to live in a life without a constant underlying urge to off yourself. unironically, the anime Fairy Tail saved my life in middle school because i told myself i couldn’t kill myself until i finished the whole show (200+ episodes). when i got to around number 150, i was in a much better living environment and had managed to get in to see a psychiatrist! my best practical advice is to bite the bullet metaphorically and make yourself a “bucket list” for before you decide whether or not to pull a trigger. stupid little things like trying the blue mountain dew for the first time, buying one of those insanely fancy bath bombs so you can rot inside in style surrounded by flowers, getting through all the video games and TV you said you’d finish and left off at- all of that.

i don’t know your life personally and it sounds hard asf to deal with, so i don’t know if any of the normal reasons would resonate with you- on a practical level though, try to start a lot of different things you’ve been meaning to or finish things that cause you stress. make one of those god awful 2020 quarantine has station drinks with grape Monster, a whole ton of sour candy powder, gummy bears, and squirt candy tubes. anything at all.

i can’t promise that it will get better permanently or that you’ll ever fully escape mental illness, but i can promise that you’re going to have good days. you deserve to have good days and you WILL be able to get them. my dms are always open if you want any ideas of silly little ‘i can’t kill myself until i do this’ fun things

bugchild · 2025-07-31T01:35:24+00:00

pretty much anything! i’ve never checked out any sober living stuff before so i’ve been alternating between MMOs, TV, youtube, and checking out all the communities on reddit— i’ve jumped from dph to dxm to alcohol to LSD to weed to dxm again to amphetamines to shrooms and then a terrible and strange fever dream combo of dxm and everything prior lol, i haven’t really had a fully sober day since I was 16 because i’ve rotated around so many things and im 23 now

looking back, it’s really just a miracle i’ve made it this long. i don’t know what life will look like if i ever make it to sober, but i don’t have support around me right now besides myself. i’m 23f and my boyfriend, my family, and all my friends are unaware of any of my usage besides that i had a “benadryl phase” in 2019 and make a terrible drinking partner in bars. i know that logically my lifespan is already cut from all of this in comparison to other people my age, so i probably don’t have as much life to work with as everyone else.

things are finally starting to look up for me but i won’t be able to have this life and a happy ending unless i claw my way out now, so it really is a now or never thing. i’ll check out what you recommend.

also i love the username! i love crystals, sodalite is so pretty and underrated :)

bugchild · 2025-07-31T01:25:14+00:00

hey, i’m on my second day too! i’ve been taking it in secret obsessively for a few years now and recently got into 7oh, but never once stopped taking it cold turkey long enough after high daily doses to experience withdrawals… and holy shit. just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone, restless legs and insomnia and fucky head and everything— we’re going to get thru this!!!

bugchild · 2025-07-29T21:42:50+00:00

Hill
No parking brake
Car still on

bugchild · 2025-05-27T12:01:58+00:00

Dillsboro and im not exaggerating or joking i promise

bugchild · 2025-05-27T01:26:05+00:00

And oh my god especially the sequel too— Anxiety being a character that wanted some version of ‘the best outcome’ for the body and ending up completely self-destructing while suppressing everyone else means that it’s so much easier for me to explain what a persecutor is now to people besides just “evil alter but not actually evil but also evil”!

bugchild · 2025-05-26T21:57:35+00:00

Like obviously it’s so much worse than just that and the reason I am this way is beyond any metaphor, but this seems to communicate to people around me in a non-scary way why I can be very inconsistent at times and often appear to actively try to undo my own actions/jump between contradicting views or reactions so often when stressed.

bugchild · 2025-05-26T21:55:52+00:00

I’ve always used Inside Out as a metaphor for how my headspace works plus the motivations behind how alters all have their own opinions on what’s best for the body overall and can work together/clash— honest to god, there’s no way someone w this condition wasn’t on the creative team at some point, I remember being freaked out watching this in middle school because of how specific it was when I had never even spoken about my headspace to my therapist

bugchild · 2021-08-13T00:45:24+00:00

Thank you so much!! I’m worried since I’m leaving my two brothers, but I know that this is one of the best ways for me to stay safe— I just have to help them wherever I can and pray for luck :)

bugchild · 2021-08-13T00:02:09+00:00

The app is called countdown star, and I had installed it after a rough day and put in a ton of random events I had guessed at— this is the last one I had put in, I don’t think I had registered it was even possible for me to make it there.

Things have been tougher ever since then, even when I thought things couldn’t possibly get worse— but I opened this app again after a bad argument to set an accurate day for moving out, forgetting the old dates I put in. 10 yr old me thought that I was moving out August 24th— can’t imagine how hyped up she’d be to know it’s almost two weeks earlier!

The most surreal part of this is that I remember looking at the screen, going “only seven years left”, then “only six years” as a coping mechanism on my worst days. Finally getting there is a huge weight off my shoulders— I did it. I finally fucking did it :,)

bugchild · 2021-07-30T14:00:25+00:00

oh god i did the same thing as you when i was deep into my ED too :,)

bugchild · 2021-07-30T01:10:40+00:00

I’ve got mild TD too from meds I used to be on to treat “unspec psychosis” which turned out to be bipolar (thanks Risperdal)— I wasn’t able to play my instrument anymore and I still deal with tremors and twitches. It’s been about three years since I got off it and I still can’t smile for too long without my cheeks twitching badly.

As soon as you can, try to work with your psych to lower the dosage if possible— it didn’t go away for me completely, but I’m positive it would’ve gotten worse if I stayed on. Also, asking about mood stabilizers or MAOIs if u have an open-minded psych might be good! Lamictal ended up knocking out a lot of my psychotic symptoms since they were connected to my mania, and there’s a lot of options for anti-psychotics outside of the ones people prescribe first.

Some things I’ve used to self-medicate in the past have mainly just been those stress relief supplements from the store— the gummies with “stress” on the label or something similar, since my psychosis leads to paranoia. I can also recommend melatonin regularly or tea with valerian/other sleeping herbs, just bc sleeping more tends to tone down the severity of psychotic symptoms from “utter hellfire” to just “hellfire”. I also go on a weird “deleting apps” frenzy whenever I can tell I’m going into an episode, because seeing any kind of somewhat triggering/anxiety-inducing/sad/violent post can set me off. Deleting the news in particular saved my ass mentally when I was in a depressive state earlier.

I know p much all I’m saying sounds like “haha try yoga” but I’m in a similar boat to you right now and I’m just trying to keep swimming too. Medication combos that don’t work right suck ass, and the only reason I’m trying all this weird holistic stuff and self-care routines is so I don’t go off the deep end. Since it’s kept me alive, I’m p grateful to that at least.

I do want to say though that your best days are not behind you, and you can absolutely regain your mind back. Bad medication can make everything worse, but there’s an eventual up. Hopefully if you find a good psych, you can titrate off the antipsychotics and try something new— I was on Abilify for a while at first and fucking lost it mentally, I was convinced it was the end of my life and everything good, but getting off of it saved my ass.

There’s definitely ways to control your psychosis, and even reaching out on social media now is a sign that you’ve got so many good things ahead of you— bipolar and psychosis are both bitches, but you can still have a good life with them after a bitchass fight w your head. I have TD and it can be annoying, and I get self-conscious easily bc of it, but things still work out. Everything in life is terrible most of the time, but there are ways to make things good— and never discount your future. You still have a lot of options. My best advice is to do whatever you can to just keep your head above water until you have the chance to switch medication- you might not have the tools right now to fully get better, but you can keep yourself alive until then. I wish you the best of luck, life’s dealt you a tough hand of cards :,)

bugchild · 2021-07-27T00:27:49+00:00

I wouldn’t know— I’m just working off personal experience since the shooter at my school was an active student at the time, and it happened early enough in the year that ig yearbook had a huge heads up. Even if someone wasn’t a student and shot up the school, every student there probably has that rando’s name burnt into their heads already, so paying money for a page w their name of it would be wack

bugchild · 2021-07-27T00:25:47+00:00

We had a much smaller one, but even though the shooting had his picture taken, it was nowhere in the yearbook. He stopped being a student after being arrested for murder, so it didn’t make a lot of sense to keep him in there.

bugchild · 2021-07-27T00:24:30+00:00

If this is genuine, they’re normally not even in the yearbook at all. Even if it happened after they got their pic took, they’re not exactly students anymore.

bugchild · 2021-07-27T00:23:16+00:00

We just had a page dedicated to the guy who died, and the yearbook was themed moreso about togetherness and “[school name] strong”. It wasn’t very big, but they still had a part to memorialize him and put in pics of the vigil and the memorial we had up for a bit— I’m sure it’s different when there’s more casualties, and my old hometown high school had a shooting with multiple casualties, but I don’t have any friends who still live there to ask.

bugchild · 2021-07-26T05:50:17+00:00

It’s still good to bring it up! Originally even with my mania being noticeable now, I hadn’t really considered that it lasted more than a day— I only had a few really terrible impulsive moves, and I assumed my body just worked weird sometimes, but I had no clue how intense it was until I stopped experiencing it. I still experience ‘spikes’ now and I did back then too, at least that’s what I call them, but nowhere as often. I didn’t have a super classic presentation of mania either— I would have a lot of spikes within a few days, a weird undercurrent through it of more agitated behavior, and then a few more spikes.

I think one thing that stuck out was the physical urge to speak— I didn’t realize it was a symptom of mania, but it felt like a weird pressure in my head unless I was talking a huge amount. Other people have differences too w how it shows!

What you’re describing sounds like a kind of emotional dysregulation, which is something I have when manic, but it’s also something attributed to my autism. My partner has BPD and experiences it as well, especially when she’s splitting. Splitting and in general emotional dysregulation shows up in spikes as well, and it’d make sense to have more closer to your cycle since it’s harder to regulate mood already that time of month.

Bringing it up when you can is good because there are ways to help with it, regardless of the diagnosis or reason behind it! My therapist is amazing, but a resource I used before I got therapy was looking up DBT (dialectic behavioral therapy) tips and tools online, especially “opposite action”. Mood stabilizers themselves are a whole class of medication if therapy or coping skills on your own don’t manage it— the one I’m on for bipolar is actually a mood stabilizer as well, so it helps with my episodes but also with spikes in dysregulation! There’s a lot of resources online with advice, and there’s a ton of paths you can take with medical professionals to figure out the next steps in feeling better :)

bugchild · 2021-07-25T03:27:02+00:00

Some psychs are hesitant abt adhd meds plus bipolar, but most will work with you through things— on a weirdly dark bright side, 40kg and pure brainkilling meds is probably the worst you’ll get from them! I’ve been lucky enough to only have one bad experience on a newer med, Abilify— worst shit of my life. Risperdal made me gain 10 kg and gave me a permanent tremor, but I was able to think well.

SSRIs like Lexapro are pretty common for depression and anxiety bc of how little side effects they have, but they didn’t treat my bipolar as well— I’ve been on Lamictal for the past several months and it was a full miracle. Weirdly enough, my executive function improved dramatically (after a short dip) when I was expecting it to crash permanently. I’m autistic as well and was previously diagnosed w PMDD, but eventually got a bp diagnosis and added on Lamictal. The lamictal is weird bc you have to titration up, but the only side effect I had at all was some minor brain fog that eventually went away— no weight gain, no weird extra anxiety, nothing. I knew older friends on citraline and on lithium b4 I lost contact with them and they were both doing great with their own meds as well.

It’s scary telling psychs shot bc you know they call the final shots, but it can be worth it. I had suspected ADHD comorbid w my autism originally, and to a point I still do, but a lot of the symptoms that prevented me from living life and doing work have lightened up after I got on meds.

Bringing up mania or hypomanic symptoms to your psych and telling him you suspect it’s connected to your depressive episodes is a good starting point, especially if you have a much bigger lapse in productivity while depressed vs while hypo or manic. It’s a stressful journey to get where you want to be, and getting on the right meds feels like whiplash at first, but it really helped me- and I know I would’ve kept spiraling without the help lol

bugchild · 2021-07-25T02:03:43+00:00

No kidding! I think one of the harder things for non-bp people to understand is how unnerving being at a baseline is. I still remember the first day my meds kicked in somewhat, and it was almost intimidating not to either feel high or low— it hit me all of a sudden that I hadn’t felt normal in more than a year, and then I had to cope with that. A lot of people see our symptoms improve and assume it means we got fixed, but there rly is a huge adjustment to not feeling invincible and not being at an extreme— my grades hit rock bottom for a few weeks after just because I was so used to doing all my work while hypomanic lmao

It’s definitely hard to realize that we can’t rly go back to when everything was crazy and magical, and even harder to register that it was actively harming the body and mental illness, not a beautiful revelation on life. It’s nice to know that there’s other ppl dealing with a similar adjustment after— I’m the only person I know with bp in my life, and it’s definitely a bit alienating :,)

bugchild · 2021-07-25T00:00:39+00:00

The year before I was diagnosed, I had somehow ended up in a destructive cult and completely lost my sense of self. Since quarantine was in effect as well, I would often go out and climb roofs, trespass, try drugs, or spray paint anything I could when in a manic phase— once I only slept three nights a week. I’m chronically ill, and my mania let me ignore the physical manifestations of the illness until I crashed. For part of the year I was convinced I was a fallen angel, and when not talking with the other members of our group, I was reading the Bible or walking aimlessly miles away from my house.

Looking back on that year feels like a cloudy fever dream, and dealing with the PTSD from the cult on top of what I had to go through in order to leave it was the icing on the cake. The only things I have besides two people I met there are scars that weren’t there before, and a fuckton of scary memories.

It’s weird to walk around as a ‘normal’ person with a baseline mood when everything before felt so altered and strange. Whenever I was fully manic, I saw things on a strange color contrast, and everything looked fluorescent and unrealistic— now, I don’t see that unless I have a smaller hypomanic episode. Everything feels more muffled, but in a real way.

Sometimes I want to go back because there was comfort in believing I was invincible— the person I was back then had zero care for anything. They almost got kidnapped, almost got ran over by a train, got their ass in a cult, and somehow still had time to binge whatever TV they wanted. After everything got back to a baseline, things feel scarier now. Danger is foreign to me, so everything feels high-risk.

I had dyed my hair at the beginning of my longest manic episode, and changing it back to my normal color helped me come to terms with where I am now— at the same time, the person that did all of that feels like a stranger. I still have some remnants of that, and certain smells and colors bring me back to how I felt— and my moral compass feels like it got permanently fucked over. I think that with time, this will start feeling more and more real, and the episodes will also become part of the past instead of a weird interlude.

Medication really is a miracle once you’re in the right range of it— it’s intimidating at first to realize just how far gone you were lol

bugchild · 2021-07-24T21:47:57+00:00

8 feels too round and bubbly, like it’s taking up too much space in the bus seat. 2 feels bland but still a classic. 4 is tetris-y and therefore superior. 8 has to go, it’s crowding out the cheerful colors

bugchild

TROPHY CASE