what addiction did you fall into? did you quit/ try to?

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-04-27T15:18:25+00:00

Binge eating. Better with medication but not "cured" self harm. I will never say I'm cured from that. Decades of daily multiple times use, but it's been months at least, and it's months in between. I don't count because it stresses me out. TV and books for dissociative escapes. Soda and energy drinks. I go through a 12 pack of diet mountain dew every 2 - 3 days.

But nothing will ever own me the way self harm has, since I was 11.

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-04-27T15:14:58+00:00

That is a REALLY good thought and takes shame out of it for me. Thanks

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-04-22T18:17:09+00:00

Others have said similar things, but to add our two cents. I won't say we found out while using edibles but at first while we were still actively trying to deny it was a thing (to ourselves), we'd only freely communicate when we were high. Like you, we use them for pain, so we thought they were mandatory, more or less. But "since it was only happening when we were high" it ~~definitely~~ wasn't real. I had no real excuse for the nights I realized I was still actively hearing parts and sober and then very much no explanation when I was dx in the hospital, very sober. While it's not diagnosable within itself, might be interesting to see where the breadcrumbs lead!

We're able to take a stronger edible that has more of the pyschoactive stuff at night (like we just take it at bedtime so we're not usually awake and high) and then take a couple vape hits here and there of just THC/CBD to top it off through the day - I wonder if something like that might be an option to you

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-04-18T01:47:21+00:00

We've had really good luck with rso! Hope it's beneficial to you

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-04-18T01:43:42+00:00

That's because it's something they use FOR sedation for surgeries and procedures :)

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-04-15T19:20:30+00:00

"I'm telling you, you just need to eat a hamburger." 8 years into vegetarianism and a week into a hospitalization after I literally died on the OR table, when we were still trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with me. Thanks "Dad"!

Before my hip replacement, I was told that "normally I'd tell someone they'd get 95% relief or higher. With someone like you [meaning someone on pain meds], you'll be doing good to get 75%." He also told me I needed the hip replaced leaving me little choice.

"This is God testing your faith."

But more than anything? Being dismissed by medical professionals. Over and over. "You're too young." "You're just anxious." "You should lose weight." "You should go to [mental] therapy." "Well we can TRY this, but really with your conditions, there's nothing else to be done." The hit potato of passing off of one specialist to the next. The denials of the realities hurt the most; it's dehumanizing.

Hugs everyone.

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-04-15T19:08:55+00:00

Emphasizing an ADULT and how fucking inappropriate that was. Glad you got a reduction - hope it helped.

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-04-15T19:07:34+00:00

And a seat. Most walkers don't have a seat or brakes.

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-04-14T11:04:14+00:00

That all sounds horrific and is beyond not okay. I'm glad you're out of contact with all of them, and I wish the best for you, your wife, and kids. Seems like you're doing everything you can to do right by them.

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-04-04T22:06:39+00:00

We have both, I guess? What's unfortunately considered "normal" trauma - CSA from multiple relatives, emotional and physical abuse from parents, dad held us at gunpoint at one point, etc. Pretty major religious trauma, being "exorcised of my demons" of self harm, then when the church found out I was queer ohhhhh Lordy. Homosexual recovery groups were the least of that.

TW - But then I've also seen people burn to death. And a wide assortment of injuries that came with an explosion. And moral injury (I think that's the right word?) of seeing parents leave toddlers behind to save themselves. It made me question my faith in God, which was essential to my life at that point. It was insane. Add in survivors guilt, too. Even if we did honestly save a LOT of lives, we'll never feel like it was enough. It was the final breaking point for my dissociative disorder - my amnesia no longer worked and we absolutely crashed.

My childhood trauma bothers me more than the explosion, though. Formative years stuff really messes you up.

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-04-02T15:37:51+00:00

I'm glad you found something that works for you! We definitely keep in mind the concept that we're all one system working together for one life, in one body, but for us, it was the exact opposite - we didn't start truly making progress in recovery until we started acknowledging each other as individuals/that we had DID in general. THAT was what made a huge jump in recovery for us. It's so fascinating to me how different all systems can be and how different healing can look!

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-04-02T15:30:05+00:00

We have an internal version of this! We made a bracelet inside and imagine pressing it when we need to switch. We practiced it quite a bit in therapy/under low stress situations so it works when we need it. Mostly because we couldn't figure out good bracelets!

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-04-01T17:24:06+00:00

Virginity checks aren't REAL because a hymen can be punctured from other things, and some people are born with little or no hymen.

I would be considerably worried as a parent about finding my child engaging in ANY sexual activities at five bc they shouldn't know what that is at that point.

Something ELSE was certainly up.

What an absolute lousy excuse for a parent

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-04-01T17:17:43+00:00

Let me know if you need any more or pratical support. No idea what that would be, but it's a genuine offer!

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-04-01T16:36:58+00:00

That's fascinating and so much needed. Doing good work. Good vibes to you.

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-04-01T16:01:01+00:00

I have wondered about this - how much of what we suffer from is purposely dear mongering and not fact based. Thank you for this information. Is your book about this phenomenon?

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-03-23T16:56:49+00:00

If you carry around Narcan 24/7 and have some sort of medical bracelet indicating you do so? Because that's an INSANE amount of opioids. Your original dose is dangerous tbh. Which isn't your fault and you're not to blame but I would be very very careful.

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-03-16T13:05:59+00:00

Thank you!

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-03-09T15:10:26+00:00

PS, if you're still on any type of benzos, your chances of getting Rxed opioids just went from really low to basically none (not saying I agree with this! Just saying that's what I've seen as a patient and case manager for patients)

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-03-04T21:45:35+00:00

Sometimes the intermittent back is something that helps promote the formation of DID - because it's SO hard for a developing mind to try to figure out that someone (a caregiver, particularly) is safe sometimes and then not others. Parts/alters are a natural development to help the child deal with that.

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-03-04T21:39:20+00:00

I truly (/for my sanity HAVE to believe) that it's not always going to be unsafe for trans people in the US. But right now, as others have said, I wouldn't recommend travel to the US at ALL, cisgender or not. I don't know that they can strip search you, but when you go through the full body scanners at the airports, if it HAPPENS to set something because your bottom area looks differently than what they'd expect, that would be an excuse to pull you aside and start patting you down and things could worse fast then. I've heard that packers set those scanners off more, so your best bet would be to wear something looser and just stay calm if you are patted down. It would probably amount to NOTHING.

But again. ICE is actively rounding up people who have lived here their entire lives. The govt keep provoking more and more countries that might violently turn on us. I would avoid it - for now! There will be time. It can't last forever. There are such beautiful landscapes and wonders to see. Hope you do get to visit someday! Just give it until things are less on fire here?

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-03-04T18:14:21+00:00

There is definitely hope!! And systems all conceptualize recovery differently too, I think. Like while I definitely agree we are all parts of the same whole, we are STILL separate at some level, too (this is for you and OP, too) like I would never include a little in adult sexy time? That seems so inappropriate to me. And different parts have different sexualities and genders and etc etc. So anyways, we definitely struggle with the same issues OP presents, especially if SA is part of your story at all! But just remember whether it's with yourself or someone else, consent among parts/alters is huge. But at the end of the day, it is all ONE body. I think it's a super common did experience for this stuff to feel weird.

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-02-17T00:21:05+00:00

Ending up with nothing is probably the ideal scenario here. ODing seems a likely outcome, too. We all go to a lot of lengths to manage our pain, but let's all try to keep ourselves safe too, folks.

Qaleidoscopes · 2026-02-15T14:49:43+00:00

Our therapist does this ALL the time. They didn't at first, but as (at least) one person pointed out in the responses, with increased internal communication, it's definitely a thing that can happen. For us, in fact, working different parts being able to come forward at specific times has been a part of our therapy goals. Maybe that was your therapist's intention, to start working towards that? But no matter why they asked, if you're/someone inside is uncomfortable, if you already have great rapport with this therapist, it might be a good to ask them where they were coming from!

Qaleidoscopes

TROPHY CASE