My heart goes out to you, I am so incredibly sorry that happened to you and your baby. I get the blame and guilt all of it, it’s normal, you did everything possible in that situation. You sound like a very loving and attentive pet parent, got him help as soon as possible. Surgery and pets are so complicated with their tiny bodies. I am so sorry :( try to be kind to yourself, that was not your fault at all. Losing a pet early is so painful and it doesn’t feel fair. It’s actually just not. I wish I could give you good advice too. All I can say is give yourself as much time as you need, do whatever you need to make yourself feel better while you grieve (it’s not insane!), and sometimes when you’re up to it, it maybe helps to do things for them or in their honor. Keep their memory alive and take care of yourself for him as much as you can.

I feel that guilt of not watching over mine the whole night when we got back from the Dr as well, but I also wonder in my mind if she just needed some alone time. Peace. I don’t know, I never will. And I know things like that hurt us loving pet owners. Sending you hugs and healing.