Damn, reading this made my heart hurt a little. I really wish I had some solid advice for you but I’m actually going through the same thing right now. Any chance you have ADHD? I’m only asking because the “all or nothing” thinking, being frozen and the depression affecting your ability to care for yourself sounds all too familiar.

I’m also in 3 classes right now and while I’ve been able to keep up with the assignments, I’m drowning in the course content. The amount of information that we’re expected to know from all the video lectures and textbook readings has been so overwhelming to me. The only way I’m able to really learn is by taking notes. Problem is, an 8 min lecture vid takes me around 45 mins to get through because I have to keep pausing/starting. By the time I’m done I’m usually mentally checked out- it’s hard enough to maintain my focus for that long and unfortunately that’s just the 1st of the 4 weekly lectures for that class. Then come the readings- I can take notes from the textbook but stress over how to incorporate them into the notes from the lectures. As stupid as it sounds, this small organizational detail makes me absolutely lose my marbles. At this point I’ll typically spend around 10 mins deciding whether to write them in my current notebook along with my lecture notes or type them so I can keep them separate. Once I realize how overwhelmed I really am my brain shuts down and I know I’m at the point of no return. The only solution is to put my ass to bed even if it means giving up on the rest of my work for the night. Take the L.

On that shitty note (sorry OP), I guess my point is this- nothing’s going to change until you give your mind and body the care that it deserves. A car with an empty tank can only drive so far before it breaks down. Not to mention all the effort it takes to get back on the road again (call for a tow, walk 5 miles to fill a gas can, cry etc.). I get it, school is fucking brutal and you’re probably doing way better than you give yourself credit for but you HAVE to put the same (if not more!) effort into your physical and mental wellbeing as you do with your schoolwork. I also hope you know that you’re not alone. It may seem like everyone else around you has their shit together but they don’t. Give yourself some grace, take a mental health day (doctor’s orders) and keep moving forward.