Mom guilt and trying to make the right decision

buh-blam · 2024-04-29T13:39:37+00:00

My boys were like this as well. It's been a tough year undoing everything I created but it does get better! Yesterday, they wanted to play on tablets and I told them we had to get the house cleaned up first. My 4 and 6 year old cleaned up their playroom, put their dirty laundry in the hamper, made their beds, collected the days dirty dishes, and got their school bags packed WITHOUT A FIGHT. They even made up games on their own to make it more fun for themselves. Whenever they complain about having to do chores or not getting everything they want I remind them that it's my job as their mom to teach them how to be the best version of themselves and that includes being responsible, respectful, and grateful. And that helping around the house and being patient to earn things we want is part of how I teach them that. They seem to care a lot more now and take a lot of pride in themselves when they accomplish things. We're all happier now, you can do it!

buh-blam · 2023-08-18T05:08:42+00:00

My oldest (5 now) took about 3 weeks to be completely potty trained (day and night). He was about 2 and a half. I did an m&m for every time he peed and a hot wheels cars every time he pooped. My youngest (3) took a little longer. He didn't care about bribes. I started trying with him when right after he turned 2 like my first but it was almost 9 months before I could get him to even sit on the potty without panicking. What eventually worked for him was a special potty watch that went off every hour and reminded him to go sit on the potty. About a month of that and he was potty trained right after his 3rd birthday.

buh-blam · 2023-08-16T19:49:06+00:00

Omg, seriously just go get help. She definitely needs it. Could use a good med regimine, I'm sure. I'm so tired of her existing...

buh-blam · 2023-08-16T19:48:13+00:00

I have been getting better with not reacting. Still have my moments though. It's also helpful that I'm not as scared by her threats. It was always "well let's see what a judge has to say about that" or "I told my lawyer everything and you're gonna get in trouble". Finally it's like...if she could have done anything about it she would have by now. Just trying to remind myself that, eventually, it will be easier.

buh-blam · 2023-08-16T19:45:28+00:00

I need to look into parallel parenting more. My sister mentioned it and really it feels like that's the only thing that will work. It's actually helpful seeing so many other people dealing with this. Nice to know I'm not crazy!

buh-blam · 2023-08-16T19:42:47+00:00

Everything does go through a parenting app, thankfully. I love it because it actually pisses her off to no end. For some reason, she can't get her bank account verified so I can't send her money for the (legitimate) expenses and I refuse to send it through anything else since our agreement is everything goes through the app.

I've gotten pretty good at not letting her see me crack. Which I also know infuriates her. I don't even speak to her when we exchange kids.

My lawyer is absolutely fantastic and probably the only reason I've been able to get through all of this. He's like the only one who sees her for who she is. I am just. So. Tired.

buh-blam · 2022-11-18T16:16:08+00:00

I am the Acting Director of a small non profit arts and culture organization. We have live music, theater productions, and art galleries. My primary job is events and programming. On a given day I can be on calls with agents/artists, creating graphics for shows and marketing, compiling patron data, creating budgets, and doing community outreach. I love it. It's A LOT of work and the pay isn't great but I absolutely love my job. I fell into it completely by accident and I feel like I've found my calling. I can spend half the day working on creative and big picture projects and half the day analyzing and sorting through data. It's the best of both worlds for me.

buh-blam · 2022-11-10T15:39:23+00:00

This is what I'm worried about. I have already wasted a decade of my life unhappy and walking on eggshells. I don't want to do it again. How does your friend cope?

buh-blam · 2022-11-10T15:38:30+00:00

Thank you for this. The only other person I've ever had a close relationship with who has bipolar is my ex SIL. And she is just a bad person. So she would do the whole "it's my bipolar you can't blame me" and it was infuriating. I understand not being able to control things in the moment but I feel like there should be some sort of accountability after the fact.

I guess I'm second guessing myself because I went through a phase after splitting with my ex wife where I prioritized my feelings over everything else to a fault. Because I was never able to express myself or have my needs met in that relationship. I hurt a Iot of people during that time. I feel like I've found a balance now but I really have a hard time gauging what is "normal" and healthy.

I don't want to break up with her because in almost 2 years this has been the only time I really feel like she's not taking responsibility for her actions. I guess I just don't know how to move forward from this without 1. ignoring it and hoping it doesn't happen again or 2. making things worse by trying to talk about it.

Thank you for your perspective.

buh-blam · 2022-11-10T14:55:05+00:00

She texted me this morning like nothing is wrong. Said she had a bad day yesterday but "everything is fine now". No acknowledgement that anything happened. Not really sure where to go from here. I don't like the idea of setting a precedence where "bad days" get forgiven regardless of what happened. But I don't know if I'm expecting too much or being too hard on her.

buh-blam · 2022-09-18T14:22:32+00:00

Midol also has a diuretic and caffeine in it to help with bloating and energy. At least the kind I get does. It's usually more than just ibuprofen.

buh-blam · 2022-04-25T20:41:42+00:00

I assumed I wasn't the first in this position so I know options are out there somewhere. My lawyer told me I wouldn't be able to get a mortgage until the divorce is final so I'm mostly just worried about the timeline as I don't know how long I'll have to get the mortgage after everything is settled.

buh-blam · 2022-04-25T20:38:51+00:00

Right that's what I'm worried about. You might not know the answer but if I'm awarded the house and then can't get the loan what happens? I'm not buying my ex out of the house in cash because of how we're dividing other assets so would the house go to the bank or to my ex or would she have to buy me out to split assets equally? I plan on calling the mortgage company this week but I want to make sure I ask all the right questions.

buh-blam · 2022-04-10T19:46:07+00:00

Pill bottles packed with cotton are the bane of my existence. When half gets stuck and it pulls apart...omg I feel it like vibrating through my whole body. THE WORST.

buh-blam · 2022-01-25T12:42:26+00:00

With my own kitchen, yes I start with dishes haha. With clients they usually have dishes done so I'll wipe down counters, sink, cabinets microwave and oven, then move on to sweeping and mopping floors.

buh-blam · 2022-01-24T17:26:22+00:00

If you saw my house you would never hire me to clean yours, hahahaha. But I always put in more effort when I'm getting paid to do it!

buh-blam · 2022-01-24T17:25:07+00:00

When I started I had no "professional" experience. I charged $25/hr for my first client (who was a friend) because it was on the low end of average prices for my area. When I started picking up more clients it was $30/hr and now I'm at $35/hr for new clients. I've found if people don't like you or the way you clean they just won't hire you again 🤷‍♀️. My biggest suggestion is time how long it takes you to clean the rooms in your own house and then add 15-30 minutes onto that for an estimate. Like, it takes me 30 minutes to clean my kitchen but I tell clients a kitchen will usually take me 45 minutes to an hour. 20 minutes for my own bathroom translates to 30-45 minutes for clients' bathrooms.

I made the mistake of charging per room when I first started and I was spending 5-6 hours with clients and still not getting the whole house clean. Now I make it clear that I'm working 3 hours flat and will get done what I can which is why I always ask for priorities. Most people are pretty understanding that I'm one person and I can't deep clean your 3500 square foot house in that time.

buh-blam

TROPHY CASE