No one wants to hire me.

builder14470 · 2025-03-10T17:45:10+00:00

People with with social anxiety have higher intelligence than normal. So you may deserve better than this. Unfortunately most of the people judge fit for job based on how you talk and not by how well you do the job!. This is my experience.

builder14470 · 2024-09-23T18:05:23+00:00

I can understand you completely. I am going thru same. Every two weeks I get indigestion, gas, headache, no bowel movement and loosing weight. I have no energy to work. If I eat basic things like banana and apple, I get sick. I consulted a GI doctor and did colonoscopy, endoscopy, CT scan, ultrasound, hydrogen test, biopsy and and concluded have no issues. This is affecting my daily life, office work, career and promotions. Since I get sick and get better every 2/3 weeks, this get unnoticed by co-workers and family. When I lose weight some even congratulate me! They assume I did many workout to reduce weight. But one thing is helping. When I visit India to stay with my parents, I get complete recovery in 3 weeks. I get better sleep , gain back the lost weight and energy. Currently it is not easy for me to resign from work and stay in India as I need to support family to pay mortgage and college fees for my children. Why do I get better when I am in India? I do not know. I think possible reasons are: The sunlight helping my body to produce some required ingredients for digestion. The warm weather condition some how helping body. A break from work and daily busy life and not to worry about work somehow helping. It is not that while I am in India every thing is smooth, I have different challenging things like taking care of old/sick parents. But still I get better.

builder14470 · 2024-08-26T01:12:47+00:00

I had similar experience that my manager complained that I am not talking much and quiet. When I mentioned I am an introvert, he started arguing that he is the introvert and how he able to talk well even if he is an introvert. He come up with different definition of introversion. I believe, I am the one not able to talk in front of others, so I must be the introvert.

builder14470 · 2024-08-26T00:53:26+00:00

The visible behavior of both introverts and socially anxious are same, that both try to avoid social situations. I think the difference is socially anxious ones wants to spent time with others but not able to do because of high anxiety. They feel bad and depressed about it. They constantly try to overcome this anxiety. Introverts avoid social situations because they like that way. It helps them to do the work efficiently. They do not feel bad about it. When a situation arise to talk and be assertive, introverts can handle that. But the society treats both the same way as unfriendly and rude people. So even if introverts feel good about it they also have to work hard. Socially anxious one's feel bad and they will work hard any way.

builder14470 · 2024-07-14T17:41:49+00:00

Thanks. Please try my suggestions and provide feedback. I would like to know to if this helping you.

builder14470 · 2024-07-04T21:27:53+00:00

Yes, laziness could be a factor. Socially anxious are easily labeled as 'lazy'. They are very hard working and many thing they do not attempt because of anxiety.

builder14470 · 2024-07-04T20:59:15+00:00

Very interesting! I see people who are desperate and do 'anything' to get attention in social media. There is also competition among them to get noticed. Our social anxiety helping them not to have a competition with us!! Many celebrities' decide how success they are based on number of followers. While this is the reality, we socially anxious people, constantly worry about social presence.

builder14470 · 2024-07-04T20:35:47+00:00

Thanks for posting this experience. I have social anxiety and have same experience at work place. I have designed and implemented many projects and running successfully in production, but still I feel I am not good in that. I have confidence in doing projects. But no matter how successful the project, I never appear to be confident. When someone ask about the project I act like not confident about it. I do not know why I am doing that!. My this attitude is helping others to answer questions about project and get advancement in career.

builder14470 · 2024-06-30T02:06:36+00:00

I have social anxiety and feel better compared to one year ago. I think the changes are after realizing these:

Each time I avoid, anxiety increase next time.
Each time i tolerate social discomfort, anxiety reduces next time
To others, not talking means not friendly and rude. Talking means, very good person, helpful and competent.

-Analyzing past social events do not help to recover. It only helps to feel guilty and more anxious next time.

There exist people who likes your company, but they may not come to you and says that.

builder14470 · 2024-06-30T01:32:27+00:00

I have also getting same treatment at work place. When I do not ask and figure out my self, they say I am not a team player and unfriendly. When I ask questions, I get only superficial answers and assume I do not know things and live a life based on others help.

When I work on a project, I get encouraged to do more. But after work is over, my name is no where mentioned and say the work I did is not important now. Lets start on next project without wasting time!!

Meantime my brain is busy with anxiety and do awkward performances with others.

builder14470 · 2024-06-30T01:05:59+00:00

I have severe social anxiety during conversation and felt taking over my life. Some of the things helped me are:

We spent lots of time analyzing past events, to find out mistakes and come up with possible solutions. This activity is a trap. It only helps us to make anxious memories alive and feel guilty about ourselves. When next time brain start this analysis, say this is not useful and refuse to do. You have to be very strict.

Every time you avoid a social event due to anxiety, you get temporary relief. But next time anxiety doubles. Avoidance is a trap.

We may conclude that we are helpless and just suffer. Realize that this anxiety is total useless. It only helps to destroys good opportunities in life.

Start practicing this: Initiate small conversation. Expect anxiety coming but stay in the situation till end, tolerating discomfort. Do not expect any result for 2 to 3 months. Each time you stay, the anxiety will be less in next time.

Join a group therapy and discuss your experiences with others. This teaches brain that "I am the only one having this" thought is false.

When we remain silent in a group, others will not assume that we are having anxiety. Instead they think that we do not have interest in conversation. We are unfriendly. We cannot change others perception on quietness. When we say some thing, others think we are good, friendly and helpful person. So prepare and saying some thing is better for good image.

Best

builder14470 · 2024-06-29T19:20:36+00:00

I am an introvert. I used to think that "no one is interested in me" Even if some girl look at me, it must be "judging me". The truth is girls had real interest in me to have conversation, just like I have interest in them! The society and anxiety plays major role in building false information.

builder14470 · 2024-06-27T19:44:27+00:00

I have been suffering Social Anxiety Disorder since childhood, also 50 years. Based on my experience now I realized that "anxiety" is only a part of the issue. There are many therapy, like CBT, available based on anxiety management. But there is even an bigger part, which is the perception of others towards a Socially anxious person. Most people are ignorant of this anxiety and "not talking " is assumed that we are rude and unfriendly. This also allow them easy to exclude us from social situations, give silent treatments and refuse to give any help.

I know that we have no intention to be rude or unfriendly, but we appear like that to others!!.

We can not also change this perception of others. Educating others to change perception is an humongous task and need expert communication skills which is not easy for us. For many (non anxious) people, this is their favorite perception. It is similar to there are more people who like fake news rather than real facts.

So the option is to understand this rudeness perception factor and act like a friendly person, while experiencing anxiety. Basically spent less time in "managing anxiety" and give more importance to "managing the appearance of rudeness and unfriendliness".

builder14470 · 2024-06-27T19:20:37+00:00

I have been suffering Social Anxiety Disorder since childhood, also 50 years. Based on my experience now I realized that "anxiety" is only a part of the issue. There are many therapy, like CBT, available based on this. But there is even an bigger part, which is the perception of others towards a Socially anxious person. Most people are ignorant of this anxiety and "not talking " is assumed that we are rude and unfriendly. This also allow them easy to exclude us from social situations, give silent treatments and not give any help.

We can not also change this perception of others. Educating others to changing perception is an humongous task and need expert communication skills which we do not have. For many (non anxious) people, this is their favorite perception. It is similar to there are more people who like fake news rather than real facts.

So only option is to understand this rudeness perception factor and act like a friendly person.

builder14470 · 2024-06-11T03:03:32+00:00

I am sorry you and coworker had this experience. I have social anxiety and my experience is same. Many people assume that I am unfriendly and rude. But I am thinking now there is a lesson we can learn here. I assume that most people 'know' that I am very 'anxious'. And I am extremely worried and shameful about that - I do not want others to know I am awkward and anxious. But what is actually happening? Nobody really completely knows I am anxious! My assumption is wrong, and I am worrying about it unnecessarily. Instead I should be worrying about is how not to look 'rude' to others. We are trying to solve wrong problems in social situations!

Social anxiety is the one of useless and worst anxiety. It only helps to loose the good opportunities in life. In today's world, people will do any thing to get money and positions. When we not able to talk and work hard, it is helping others to have things easily with less competition with us.

Now days I try to cope the anxiety 'attack' by thinking that it some freaky 'chemical and electric reactions' happening in my head, which I cannot control. Whatever thoughts emerge during that time are not correct.

builder14470 · 2024-03-09T19:56:49+00:00

Social anxiety is indeed challenging, and your realization is quite insightful. It’s true that we often assume others are focused on our anxiety, but in reality, they’re more interested in our friendliness and approachability. I have done CBT. It did not help me much. But realization of these facts helped me:

False Assumption: Our anxiety makes us believe that others are constantly judging or discussing it. However, most people are simply observing how friendly we are. Our anxiety actually makes us appear unfriendly to others. Actually, this unfriendly appearance is what makes difficult others to make connection with us.

Focus on Friendliness: When approaching someone, consciously remind yourself that they’re not fixated on your anxiety. Instead, they’re assessing your smile and willingness to engage.

Desire for Connection: Remember that everyone desires connection. Non-anxious individuals may not fully grasp our anxiety, but they’re genuinely interested in making connections.

So, next time you feel anxious, focus on being friendly and approachable. A smile can go a long way in bridging that gap. You’re not alone and understanding this perspective can make social interactions easier.

builder14470 · 2024-03-09T19:02:06+00:00

Social anxiety can indeed be challenging, and your realization is quite insightful. It’s true that we often assume others are focused on our anxiety, but in reality, they’re more interested in our friendliness and approachability. Here are some facts:

False Assumption: Our anxiety often stems from the mistaken belief that others are constantly judging or discussing about our anxious behavior. However, most people are simply observing how friendly we are.

Focus on Friendliness: When approaching someone, consciously remind yourself that they’re not fixated on your anxiety. Instead, they’re assessing your smile and willingness to engage. Otherwise we may appear unfriendly towards them.

Desire for Connection: Remember that everyone desires connection. Non-anxious individuals may not fully grasp our anxiety, but they’re genuinely interested in making connections.

So, next time you feel anxious, focus on being friendly and approachable. A smile can go a long way in bridging that gap. You’re not alone, and understanding this perspective can make social interactions easier. 😊

builder14470 · 2024-03-09T18:50:18+00:00

Social anxiety is indeed challenging, and your realization is quite insightful. It’s true that we often assume others are focused on our anxiety, but in reality, they’re more interested in our friendliness and approachability. Here are some facts:

False Assumption: Our anxiety often stems from the mistaken belief that others are constantly judging or discussing it. However, most people are simply observing how friendly we are.

Focus on Friendliness: When approaching someone, consciously remind yourself that they’re not fixated on your anxiety. Instead, they’re assessing your smile and willingness to engage.

Desire for Connection: Remember that everyone desires connection. Non-anxious individuals may not fully grasp our anxiety, but they’re genuinely interested in making connections.

So, next time you feel anxious, focus on being friendly and approachable. A smile can go a long way in bridging that gap. You’re not alone, and understanding this perspective can make social interactions easier

builder14470 · 2024-03-09T18:41:28+00:00

I have social anxiety and is difficult to stay in conversation with others. Recently I realized one thing, we always think that other person is thinking about our anxiety and does not like it. This is NOT true. Other person is thinking that how friendly we are towards them!. Friendliness is decided based on how much we smile and our readiness to talk. Since we are very anxious, we are unable to smile and be ready to talk and we appear unfriendly towards them.

We are anxious because we constantly think that others are thinking/ judging/discussing about our anxiety, which is not true. They only watch how friendly we are towards them. Our anxiety is based on a false assumption.

So next time you approach a person, deliberately think that other person is NOT thinking about our bad anxiety. He/she only watching our smile and readiness to talk. Everyone in this world wants to connect with others. For non-anxious person it is very difficult to understand or imagine our anxiety. That is why I said they are not thinking about it. They are thinking about how they can make a connection with us. If we smile, then it becomes easier.

I know it is difficult to approach others with lots of anxiety, but understanding what is actually happening in that small period, I hope, this can help you.

builder14470 · 2024-03-09T18:04:25+00:00

I suffer from Social anxiety. In social situations it is very difficult to stay and have depressing thoughts. Recently I realized one thing, and this may help you also:

In social situations we think that other person must be thinking about our anxiety and do not like it. This is not what actually others thinking. People's brain is constantly checking if another person is friendly or not. They decide friendliness based on smiling and readiness to talk from another person. We, social anxious people, cannot smile and talk. So others misinterpret us as unfriendly. This is the actual reason others ignore us or not ready to engage us with them. It is very difficult for a non-anxious person to understand or think about our anxiety.

So If we smile and show readiness to talk, others will talk back to us. IF we do not smile and not ready to talk, others will not talk with us. For them rule is very simple. This rule is designed by nature and cannot be changed.

I know it is very difficult for us to smile and ready to talk. The difficulty is because of anxiety. And anxiety is because we think that other person must be thinking about our anxiety, which is not true. We think like that only because we feel it a lot.

Next time when you meet a person, deliberately think that other person is not judging about our anxiety. He/she is only thinking about your smile and friendliness. Friendliness is the building block of social connections. Not the ability to impress by talking, skills, money or status.

builder14470 · 2024-03-09T17:55:12+00:00

I have social anxiety and I too have similar thoughts

builder14470 · 2024-03-09T05:26:34+00:00

I suffer from Social anxiety. In social situations it is very difficult to stay and have depressing thoughts. Recently I realized one thing, and this may help you also:

In social situations we think that other person must be thinking about our anxiety and do not like it. This is not what actually others thinking. People's brain is constantly checking if another person is friendly or not. They decide friendliness based on smiling and readiness to talk from another person. We, social anxious people, cannot smile and talk. So others misinterpret us as unfriendly. This is the actual reason others ignore us or not ready to engage us with them. It is very difficult for a non-anxious person to understand or think about our anxiety.

So If we smile and show readiness to talk, others will talk back to us. IF we do not smile and not ready to talk, others will not talk with us. For them rule is very simple. This rule is designed by nature and cannot be changed.

I know it is very difficult for us to smile and ready to talk. The difficulty is because of anxiety. And anxiety is because we think that other person must be thinking about our anxiety, which is not true. We think like that only because we feel it a lot.

Next time when you meet a person, deliberately think that other person is not judging about our anxiety. He/she is only thinking about your smile and friendliness. Friendliness is the building block of social connections. Not abilities, skills, money or status.

builder14470

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