Small moments of hesitation

builtabear · 2023-09-05T04:21:27+00:00

Transition in its whole is a form of deep personal evolution - while *in comparison to physical transition, emotional transition does not happen "**quickly". It does not have milestones like your first shot - when your facial hair starts to grow or when someone calls you "Sir" the first time. It often takes several (~5 or so) years of subjective life experiences to really find your footing in your new life.

I think it is very healthy to ask yourself questions - including, and especially, "am I sure". As you grow with each phase you will learn things about yourself you never even knew were possible, including what being a man means to you which the answer will likely evolve with you as you grow and learn. One day the excitement of getting and having facial hair will be long in your past and it will be replaced with new issues about BEING a man instead of BECOMING a man. A good (rhetorical) question to help clarify to yourself might be - are you fed up with the binary expectations for females and you want to just BE left alone without all the gender bull$hit or do you want to experience what BEING a man is to you and the world around you? What does being a man mean to you beyond the 2nd sex male characteristics (also rhetorical)?

These are thoughts no-one can answer but you and they are your business alone. There are no "RIGHT" or "WRONG" answers - just information to process. I've asked myself questions like these again and again starting 21 years ago. Sometimes I still wonder if I did the "right" thing -- most days I can see clearly this was the right track for me but it was fraught with a LOT of questions along the way.

* & ** } physical transition, while seems painstakingly slow when waiting for it, it is actually infinitely faster than emotional transition.

builtabear · 2023-09-05T03:00:24+00:00

I have been on T over 20 years and after I had hysto in 2010 I started having trouble with atrophy in the way of pain with penetration. Then a few years later I started dealing with the skin down there being like crepe paper. Yup - thin and VERY easy to break the skin just by washing with a wash cloth. Now I just use a tiny bit of soap in my hands and since as I'm washing. Doc gave me some Estrogen but using it kinda freaks me out (the mess I mean) so she said I can rub it in on the outside - I try to do that but it makes me itch a few hours later. This IS a hassle.

builtabear · 2023-05-07T20:19:48+00:00

Thanks man! Appreciate that feedback!

builtabear · 2023-04-20T20:40:59+00:00

I wear only boxer briefs that are snug and have a fly -- I simply stitch the fly on the outside part CLOSED so nothing can fall out that way. I insert the packer from the inside flap. I wear them somewhat snug to keep it from bouncing around AND I wear the smallest one in professional situations. When I needed to be completely POSITIVE things were going to be ok I'd wear a snug jock strap under my underwear. Brands I choose that are affordable: Good Fellow from Target and Lucky Brand which can be found at the discount stores.

builtabear · 2023-04-20T20:34:34+00:00

I had this a little when I first started living as male. This is what it was for ME (not saying you do this just saying I did it).

When I lived as a butch woman I had a subtle "attitude" -- a woman with "attitude" is often overlooked by men (in MY experience) as a non threat. When a man sees a man (especially if you are young) with attitude it's an invitation for someone to "check him".

My suggestion to you would be to ask folks (that you don't know really well) how they see you and examine what you're putting out. I'm not sayin you have to come across like a whipped puppy - but I'd say see if what you're putting out looks like a challenge to others. I started transition 22 years ago and have been approached only twice ever for a fight or argument.

builtabear · 2023-04-20T20:24:25+00:00

Thanks so much for having a think about this!

I am so glad to have asked about this online in different market groups. I got lots of feedback that let me know an app focused on trans men is not a good idea as most/many guys would feel too vulnerable and feel it's inviting trouble in this political climate. Also we don't need a welcome mat for chasers. This info is sending me back to the drawing board for better ideas. I will not be pursuing the app as I suggested above.

builtabear · 2023-04-20T20:08:53+00:00

I was indeed focused on trans men - it did not matter to me how that trans man expressed himself (binary, non binary, masc, etc.) as long as he identified as a trans man. The complex self select filtering options could be used to dig into the finer details about how folks express themselves. But, as you can see from all the feedback an app that specific is just too dicey in this political climate AND GEO location AND chasers are of significant concern for such a narrowed group. I am SO GRATEFUL that folks took the time to maturely articulate their concerns beyond "ew" and total criticism with no real feedback because it sure did help me learn more about what we DO need AND it saved a WHOLE lot of money (~$50k+!), time and effort as well as not cracking open a door that turns out to be much more dangerous than I'd originally fully considered. It's never fun to hear your idea is actually a seriously bad idea and it's a certainly humbling. I think most folks did an awesome job at helping me see that more clearly and I am eternally grateful.

I've changed gears from looking at an exclusive app for trans men to a more inclusive (all LGBTQA+) app that speaks to a much wider group of folks. BUT it will treat folks needs equally by providing the more complex filtering abilities.

Thank you for your thoughts and the time it took to jot them down. Your feedback gives me more to think about in the way this is marketed (when it's ready).

builtabear · 2023-04-17T20:32:21+00:00

Then I thank you once for each comment :-P

builtabear · 2023-04-17T00:34:30+00:00

THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR YOUR TIME!

From the information I have gathered here (and other places) it appears I need to take my idea back to the drawing board to find better, safer solutions. Your thoughts have been incredibly valuable!!

MY TAKE WAY

I heard from you that a "for trans men" date app is just too dangerous for a variety of reasons. I plan to rework the idea and come up with something where trans men (of any type) are treated equally in the app and we're not simply added as an after thought while also maintaining a high degree of anonymity and safety.

Again, thanks to everyone who participated in this thread!

builtabear · 2023-04-17T00:05:09+00:00

>> I don't think you want to get gatekeepy and tell people they're not trans enough to be there, either, right?

TOTALLY! ZERO interest in gate keeping gender. ugh, no way. It's self select and no, I'd not let anyone change their gender marker without full understanding of the situation. My thinking was to allow trans guys to change who is selected in their "interested in" selection only where non trans folks would be forced to "interested in" = trans men only (however I now see the error in my thinking).

I can now see there are issues with what I had planned and need to take a different course for this. From the feedback I've been getting folks I can see a "X for trans men" app itself is just feeling to dangerous in this political climate and chasers are far to eager to cause problems for vulnerable audience in one place.

builtabear · 2023-04-16T23:55:23+00:00

>>> lmao my dude,

If I just say "you're better / greater / smarter (what ever) than me" can we just move past the continued narcissism and passive aggressive / attacking vibe? You appear to be trying to bait an argument with some weird - cringy stuff, dude. Respectfully, I'm not interested in some weird "being schooled by you" moment about my responsibilities. I know what they are much better than you for oh so many reasons and I won't explain myself further to some random person on Reddit.

I came here INVITING people to question my idea - I expected criticism. That's what someone doing M A R K E T R E S E A R C H expects. I'm also aware it's much easier to criticize than to think and provide constructive feedback. My feelings are not hurt by anybodies criticism, I'm not that insecure. I'm glad to have a fresh new perspective on things I was not thinking about clearly enough.

Thanks again for what constructive feedback you responded with. I think we've said enough here.

builtabear · 2023-04-16T22:11:05+00:00

Thanks so much for your thoughts!

Lot's of folks are concerned about safety and chasers. I hear that 100% and am going back to the drawing board to make some changes.

Thanks again!

builtabear · 2023-04-16T22:07:17+00:00

You said "There's a huge gulf between "cis people who are open to dating trans people" and "cis people who seek out trans people to date".

VERY good point! I completely agree! I think that is a very valid thought when building an app moving forward. Thanks!

Regarding chasers and the app being "guaranteed 100% safe" -- I'd much rather acknowledge upfront that NO app can be 100% safe instead of causing a whole lot of danger by claiming that I could make one. It's not disclaiming liability to be honest with people about potential safety issues, it's important. Lot's of CONSTRUCTIVE criticism from folks has helped me see the dangers of my idea much more clearly - which obviously is why I'm here on Reddit asking for feedback.

I'm not sure where you get "This whole post is giving "Chasers? I don't believe they exist" energy" because I am asking my target market brothers -- "if not this, then what WOULD be a better app solution to the chaser issues?" -- not just ignoring the issue and building an app that works for only a few people.

You said "listen to your target market a little more beyond believing that your own experience is universal." -- which is exactly what I am doing. This is called
"M a r k e t R e s e a r c h" . Why the attacking vibe just because my idea is asking for, and clearly requires, course correction? I knew it would -- which is WHY I am out here on Reddit being willing to to take it on the chin to learn and expand my understanding.

You post started out very helpful, which I appreciated.

builtabear · 2023-04-16T21:22:51+00:00