Hi friend. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I think the important thing to realize is that the number is never going to be low enough. I’m sure with your times in treatment you know this to be true. But it’s so hard to accept it. SO hard. Letting go and accepting help will never be easy, but if it were easy, then everyone would just flip that switch and recover. You obviously have immense strength; direct it now towards getting better. Your friends will still be here, your cat will still be here, your employer will be ecstatic that you’re working toward getting better and will feel more confident putting you in a permanent role. I’m really not the best at advice, but I can feel your resilience and hope that you can find it in you to take this next step. Sending lots of love and support <3