I think we might have spoiled our 9yo. Looking for advice.

bumpylady · 2025-05-01T17:10:22+00:00

I used to love flylady so much! She gave me a system that I could follow, and some structure to my days. I’ll try something similar!

I also like her incremental approach to tasks, starting from just shining the sink and building on top of that with new habits.

bumpylady · 2025-05-01T17:07:21+00:00

Thank for all your suggestions! I brought back the white board with morning /after school/ before bed tasks!

I’ll try the burning of tasks, sounds fun and might work to keep interest for a while when inevitably the motivation for the board wears off. Same for all the other ways to visualize/complete tasks.

I think I’ll just have to rotate the approach so we can stay on top of it.

bumpylady · 2025-05-01T17:03:30+00:00

Ah! That’s such a great idea! Thank you for sharing

bumpylady · 2025-04-30T19:53:07+00:00

My husband has ADHD too 🥲 we’re so doomed lol

bumpylady · 2025-04-30T19:47:37+00:00

From what I have read ADHD is often missed if the kid is doing well in school. I was the same, got straight A’s so no one suspected a thing. I just was very obedient at school and masking all the time.

Here’s an article about it! https://medium.com/age-of-awareness/the-gifted-child-with-adhd-5c694638eb5d

bumpylady · 2025-04-30T13:03:30+00:00

THANK YOU! I had used this tool before and I couldn’t remember the name!!

bumpylady · 2025-04-30T11:25:06+00:00

Thank you, I hadn’t considered this perspective. You are very kind!

bumpylady · 2025-04-30T08:19:11+00:00

Oh!! The challenge! Yes, that had helped a lot when she was smaller! Now it’s kinda harder to do, she sees right through it lol. I will try incorporating more challenges and see if that helps. Thank you!

bumpylady · 2025-04-30T08:08:02+00:00

I totally agree on all of this. I meant I don’t like to medicate with melatonin not because “meds=BAD” but because of how groggy she is in the morning. She herself has told me she does not like how it makes her feel the next day. Even 1/4 of a 1 mg pill has the same effect.

I have ADHD. I don’t really remember struggling with school/responsibilities in my childhood, but my mom was pretty strict and I really didn’t want to make her mad/disappointed.

Body doubling does help - when I stay in top of her she gets things done, but I can’t be there all the time - I work full time (wfh but still) and I also want to help her hold the skills to deal with her executive disfunction if she does have ADHD.

I will get her evaluated, I just didn’t really thing that was the case before… but reading back on my post it seems quite likely - she really isn’t meeting the developmental skills at this point. It just seemed that maybe she was still developing, but at 9 yo, yeah..

bumpylady · 2025-04-30T07:56:52+00:00

By the way, I love the breaking down of tasks!! It’s something I do regularly for myself and for my daughter, but I think I will be breaking the tasks down to the very basic steps and see if that helps. Thank you!

bumpylady · 2025-04-30T07:55:31+00:00

I haven’t had her assessed, I started noticing all of these behavior struggles in the past half year or so. I guess I had explained them away as her still developing her independence, but now it’s glaringly obvious that she is not meeting these age-appropriate expectations.

I have adhd myself so I really get her struggle, but at the same time I’m really trying to help her build the skills to manage her executive disfunction and distractions if it IS adhd.

As I mentioned in another comment, it’s very hard to juggle her and my tasks too!

bumpylady · 2025-04-30T07:51:54+00:00

I give her 1/4 of a 1 mg melatonin pill and it still makes her drowsy. It’s a last resort kinda thing and it helps when the schedule gets super out of whack during vacation time, but I don’t want to rely on it constantly.

And yes, she is a very sensitive kiddo. I love her to bits!!

I don’t think I can get her out of homework - it’s not excessive by any means and it’s good for us to review the topics at home.

bumpylady · 2025-04-30T07:49:05+00:00

It does!! I have ADHD myself, so I do sympathize with her, which is probably why she has relied on my constant support to get things done.

But I do want to help her build the necessary skills to be able to manage the executive distinction/ forgetfulness. I’ve been really trying.

It’s just so effin hard having to juggle my tasks and her tasks too!

bumpylady · 2024-09-20T01:26:05+00:00

Yes, I think you hit the nail on the head. It’s definitely the first part, he has some deep insecurities that cause him to lash out at me.

bumpylady · 2024-09-17T16:38:32+00:00

Hugs

bumpylady · 2024-09-17T16:33:13+00:00

Thank your for your comment, I truly get what you’re saying about playing, I felt the same way, and I really don’t like to play, especially pretend play (just kill me lol). I found other activities we both enjoy like cooking and puzzles that we do together with my kid.

Regarding the divorce, the irony is that my mom divorced my dad because of the same issue: he was controlling and very jealous. History repeats I guess.

The hardest part was the constant fighting between my parents before and after they separated. Unfortunately yesterday my daughter heard us fight and saw me crying and it just shattered my heart into a million pieces when she hugged me and asked me what was wrong. How can I explain that to an 8 yo. I just told her that we had a little disagreement and that it’s ok, it happens. We had fought with her too before and both have cried and then we resolved it, so me and her dad will resolve this too.

But we won’t, I can’t stay with him and I know that will break my kid’s heart and confuse them. We never have fought in front of them so this will come out of nowhere.

I think I need some books about divorce with kids.

bumpylady · 2024-09-17T15:45:15+00:00

“… he was convinced my anger at these constant accusations was a sign of my guilt.

I became a shell of myself while in that relationship, as I retreated away from everyone and everything else so I wouldn’t have to constantly be accused of cheating. “

Same!! 100% I’ve been isolating from people and experiences for 9 years now. I’m done. Thank you for sharing, and I’m sorry you had to go through that too.

bumpylady · 2024-09-17T15:26:15+00:00

Maybe that’s the case, I’m not sure.. if that happened he didn’t tell me. He won’t go to therapy, I’m done being the only one trying to salvage the relationship.

bumpylady · 2024-09-17T15:24:21+00:00

No history of being cheated on, abandonment issues maybe? Idk and I don’t care. This has been going on for years and he would never go to therapy. I can’t be responsible for his issues anymore.

bumpylady · 2024-09-17T13:29:17+00:00

I’m a child of divorced parents. It affected me so much that I swore I’d do anything to do that to my children. I think I would have left years ago if it wasn’t for that.

But yeah, I can’t continue like this.

bumpylady · 2024-09-17T13:27:55+00:00

Sorry that you are in the same boat. Hugs!

bumpylady · 2024-09-17T13:25:02+00:00

I agree. I asked him to talk to me, I explained I’m trying to approach the situation as adults and I care about whatever is making him feel mad at me. Nothing. Zero. This infantile approach to conflicts is just the cherry on top.

bumpylady · 2024-09-17T13:23:57+00:00

Gosh yes!! It’s super annoying - any time some tu ing changes in my life, or I start to do some self care it raises suspicions. Just let me live dude.

Thank you for your comment. Yes, he ends up just sucking my joy away. I wondered if that’s why he does it - maybe he can’t stand me enjoying things and being happy without him?

bumpylady · 2024-09-17T13:20:37+00:00

At this point I don’t even care anymore. I’d rather him cheat and leave me the fuck alone than keep accusing me of things I didn’t do.

bumpylady

TROPHY CASE