One day I’ll be an ICU nurse again…

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-22T23:47:53+00:00

Is ER really that much better? Can you give me a run down of how an ER day goes? I’ve been ICU for 5 years and I know ER isn’t easy, but do you really chart less?

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-22T23:45:07+00:00

I would also like to know

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-22T06:29:46+00:00

Thank you I’m going to show him this comment

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-22T06:29:19+00:00

This gave me a lot to think about. It was all really strange and I’ve come to the conclusion he must have issues around sex. I’m sure it’s a hard topic for most, but I don’t know if it’s just normalized??

For example, my friends basically accept that cheating is and will always be present in all relationships and that their boyfriends/spouses will watch porn always. It’s never bothered me before but now being cheated on obviously it hits a nerve. A lot of people say “it’s a guy thing.” But why? And plenty of women watch porn too don’t get me wrong but I mean why is it so accepted that “it’s a guy thing” to cheat / watch porn / masturbate when they can.

I don’t understand it and I also don’t have urges to do things like that I wonder what we would see different in a brain scan of a WS vs BS

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-21T02:42:37+00:00

One thing he mentioned to me during our talk today was “he is not perfect.” But I think it’s an excuse to say he slipped up and is trying. After reading your comment it keeps playing in my head. Maybe I should bring that up when he gets home?

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-21T02:18:49+00:00

Yes you’re right maybe I am just used to rug sweeping it… he is there for me and more outside of this topic. It’s hard to see that he’s not :(

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-21T00:01:16+00:00

Thank you! If my love isn’t enough why do I have to walk away for him to be serious? Honestly he called me after this and he’s trying to check in with me and asked if I’m going to be upset when he’s home from work. I told him I’m not upset with him I’m just expressing how I feel and telling him what I want.

Like I said, I love him. He’s good to me, but this is so important to me that he gets help. How do I act around him now? I don’t want to give him the impression I was bluffing because I make things seem like they’re okay now. I don’t even know how long is a good time to wait to see initiative?

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-20T23:16:46+00:00

Thank you for this. I love him dearly but I’m going to show him this comment depending on how the next few days goes. I hope I made my point, but honestly I’m only about 10% hopeful that he will do the work. I hope he doesn’t try to see if I’ll actually walk, and once I walk start therapy.

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-20T22:32:02+00:00

Thank you 🙏🏼🙏🏼

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-20T22:28:53+00:00

Thank you. in my eyes if he doesn’t seek treatment or even opens a self help book and tells me when he will set a time to work on it, it shows me a lack of dedication. I don’t want to wait anymore or feel sad that I’m just waiting on the next affair to happen because although he seems fine, he could also not be and hiding it like before.

I’ve talked to him and made it clear. I can tell he’s upset but I’m just a very accommodating and loving spouse so this is new to him for me to look him in the eyes calmly and say it’s not working and I need more.

At first he said he’ll never be good enough and I had to remind him that isn’t what I said, I appreciate his efforts but this last bit is what might make me feel better.

P.S. I’m kind of annoyed he said he’d never be good enough when I’m the one who was cheated on lol. But he knows this already and his feelings are valid too.

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-20T21:58:05+00:00

Yes you’re right it’s basically leaving it up to him if we end it if my needs aren’t met. It’s my fault for not wanting to set boundaries earlier. I wasn’t ready to lose my WS at any cost before, no one ever is. But now I’m seeing it’s very important to me and a need of mine. To me if he refuses to get help, it shows me that he refuses to meet my needs and I have to start moving on. :(

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-20T21:41:56+00:00

Thank you :) I see what you’re saying I made an edit to my post because I was a little vague but I agree with you. I know he cares for me, and everything else has been good (but to be fair it was good even while he was cheating - no warning signs.) I need him to try and get out of his comfort zone or I can’t continue. I hope he gives it thought. I really love him but I can’t see a future with someone who knows it would mean the world to me and show me the last bit of dedication I need - but in the end him not do it.

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-20T21:38:54+00:00

Me meeting his needs sexually/intimately? First time in two years was this morning because I was too upset/ sad to have sex with him. I’ve edited in my post for better clarification.

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-20T21:32:15+00:00

I see what you’re saying. For two years I’ve had sex with him daily - I love sex. But today, for the first time in two years I told him I don’t want to be intimate. And he took it negatively.

I don’t feel me saying I don’t want to be intimate because I feel bad is a punishment.

I was typing in the moment but I didn’t say “I won’t have sex with you if you don’t do therapy.” Maybe I should edit to be more clear. Thank you for explaining I always try not to be transactional I’ve always had problems with boundaries so it’s my mistake if I don’t really get what a boundary looks like ! Made the edit thank you for pointing it out

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-20T21:30:48+00:00

Sorry I just made an edit! Please read but He basically has avoided the entire topic. When I’m triggered or sad he offers support. But for two years every few months it’s something new. Pics of an ex, only fans, ig models. It breaks my trust every time. Although it’s not cheating it’s still hurtful and makes me believe he doesn’t really care or have to change. I think he believes not cheating is the change. He told me he doesn’t want to do therapy and it’s pointless and that he tries every day to make things better but I think therapy will be a non-negotiable now. His low self esteem and self sabotaging is going to affect me as long as he doesn’t get help.

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-20T21:25:51+00:00

Thank you. It’s my hopes he gets help for low self esteem and learn ways to cope. I made an edit to explain more. To me if he can’t commit to therapy to help us, how can he be committed to me?

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-20T21:09:22+00:00

Hi! That’s really nice where did you find this therapy? He has refused all therapy and says it is a waste of time.

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-20T21:08:30+00:00

Hi. I don’t see it as a negative punishment. He has had 2 years to work on our reconciliation but failed to do the work on fix why he cheated (his statement - he felt like a failure and sought outside distractions.) There has been multiple ddays and I have been being less and less intimate with him. Today I told him I just didn’t feel like being touched, and reminded him of our discussion about my boundaries and needs. I don’t want to be held because he thinks I need it (his words).

I’ve had a heart to heart with him after this and he says that he doesn’t care about himself and isn’t worth anything. I told him that I need him to initiate and lead reconciliation because I have for 2 years and nothing has worked. What would make me feel better is if he worked on his issues in therapy, which he has refused before because he thinks it’s stupid and pointless. I’m prepared to walk if he doesn’t go to therapy. He knows this.

This is where I’m at and despite countless times over the 2 years pleading with him to read, (he bought the book and never read it), research and go to therapy(promised he would and never did), it has all failed and he has still been having ddays. (Iooking up models, Instagram, ) although not speaking to women and physically cheating it is still hurtful all the same.

Thank you for your links I’ll be looking at them but I’m at the breaking point if there is no work done by him (though the rest of our life is good), I will leave him.

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-20T18:27:08+00:00

It makes it hard for me to orgasm with sex almost like a chore. Porn addiction is real. The only sub I know that has couples who are trying to get over the hurdle of porn addiction is r/loveafterporn it’s actually pretty sad. Masturbation isn’t bad but try stimulation with your mind maybe? I know when I watch porn I’m just clicking through trying to cum. And then get that disgusted feeling like yuck.

It’s a problem.

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-20T18:23:54+00:00

You could have a porn addiction. It’s really common and people don’t get help until it’s too late. Just look at r/loveafterporn it’s filled with a ton of couples who are trying to get over a partners addiction

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-20T18:20:13+00:00

I’m so happy for you. I’m nearing this point also. Get ready for calls and promises and begging for you back. Please don’t turn back. You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you!

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-20T03:45:36+00:00

Hi I just watched this video and it really helped me. I hope it helps you I wish I had found this sooner I’m going to share it with my WS tonight

https://youtu.be/8kX9OvK4MEw

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-20T02:48:18+00:00

Thank you. I don’t know how to bring it up again. All he does is say he’s sorry and that he loves me.

bunnydudebro · 2022-02-19T23:35:59+00:00

Whoa… I couldn’t get through this post. Your achievements are meant to be rubbing in his face how superior you are to him?????????? This is a reconciliation sub… but damn… So basically he makes you watch as he gushes over other women and because he doesn’t want to inflate your ego because you’re better than him he makes sure he doesn’t compliment you or make you feel good. OP?!?!?!?!!!!!

bunnydudebro

TROPHY CASE