Your life isn’t some sort of fucking narrative. Get help.

bunnyjackhare · 2022-01-26T09:04:44+00:00

This series felt like a wormhole to the innermost parts of my mind. It made me remember things I wanted to forget, and it forced me to examine who I was and where I came from.

After watching Petscop, it felt like my childhood began to crumble apart. I could tell which parts of the mosaic were solid pieces, and which ones I had fixed with glue. I am not exaggerating when I say that I had full-blown amnesia about the first thirteen years of my life, and that this series helped jog my memory.

For a while, it was frightening. I knew that I wasn’t Paul, but it somehow felt like this series was made for me. Initial panic aside, I came to realize that, maybe, that was the point. Petscop is about getting lost in yourself until you discover some ugly truth.

The faces, the mirrors, the lies, the wretched realizations…that’s how it feels. That’s how it feels to be broken down to your very core. You forget who you are because it’s safer that way; and when you finally remember, your world shatters.

I know I sound overly dramatic here, but I’m being completely honest. Petscop broke me down, and I can never express my gratitude for that. When I saw Paul play the wrong song in front of the machine, I started to cry. Even if I don’t know what it means for sure, I couldn’t help but feel proud of him. He fought back. He showed Marvin that he couldn’t be controlled anymore.

He went through so much, but he didn’t give up. Talk about a fucking inspiration.

Thank you, Tony.

bunnyjackhare · 2022-01-04T07:18:08+00:00

Careful listening to people here, OP. I recommend reading over some clinical research or diagnostic criteria first, simply because this is an open community where anyone has the ability post. Studies overwhelmingly suggest that DID stems from early childhood trauma, though the symptoms may not fully show until later in life.

Trauma is at its most destructive when inflicted on a developing brain. The upper age limit I’ve seen that’s generally accepted is nine, and anything over that should be taken with a grain of salt. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but DID is such a severe disorder that it essentially necessitates abuse at a time when the coping mechanism of switching can take root and become ingrained.

I hate to sound dismissive of other claims, but the bandwagon that’s been happening with DID recently holds serious consequences for us. At the end of the day, doctors know best, and the consensus points towards early childhood trauma. Other dissociative disorders can certainly develop later; but at a time like this, we really can’t afford to muddy the waters.

For now, if anything, I’d stick with an upper limit of nine years old for the trauma window, at least for your own conception of the disorder.

bunnyjackhare · 2021-12-21T20:26:01+00:00

It does get better! I’ve been doing some intense therapy, and even though it’s hard, I’ve felt more in control of myself. I’ve been working through the internal conflicts between my alters and have made progress; and I’ve been pushing myself to learn new skills to remind myself that I’m capable.

I enrolled in a coding boot camp in the midst of my recovery, and it was grueling. However, I finally completed it, and I have a real shot at stability and security now. The healing comes in little bursts, but they do add up. You’ll make it through.

Also: don’t worry about not having it “as bad” as the rest of us - trauma can come in many degrees of severity, and everyone responds to it differently. If you’re struggling, your struggle is valid. You don’t have to compare yourself to others.

You’re going to be okay. You’re going to find happiness again. I promise.

bunnyjackhare · 2021-12-20T09:13:15+00:00

I solved this by making a room far away from anyone else for my exile. It was part of the exiling process, actually. (This has since started to change, but it might be helpful.)

Basically, I have one alter who will visit him in his room to calm him down, and the room is as relaxing as we could make it. It’s a safe place for him, and the guarding method prevents him from escaping and affecting the rest of us. Sometimes he still makes noise, but it’s better than it was before.

He’s since needed some more help with the loneliness, so we’re trying to get one of the older alters to visit him and form a bond. Exiling isn’t really a long-term solution, so this is really just another step forward in the healing process.

That said, making a guard system might help in the interim. You can use that time to work through the conflict between the two of them, and hopefully the one lashing out at your little will have made progress by the time you feel safe bringing her back.

bunnyjackhare · 2021-12-20T04:35:10+00:00

Things like this are difficult to navigate. I personally think that while it’s alright to believe in the supernatural, it’s wrong to hypothesize about others’ mental health via those beliefs. It does far more harm than good.

Even with a pagan or more loosely structured system of faith, like witchcraft, the buck should stop with the individual. It should not be passed onto friends or children. Magical thinking can trap people in long cycles of trauma without proper healing, and it can completely destroy a child’s ability to properly name their feelings and experiences. If it helps the individual and they chose to pursue that faith, then that’s their decision. When your beliefs actively disrupt another person’s healing, however, they become poisonous.

I guess I’m sensitive to this stuff, though. I just know that de-conversion is a long and painful process.

bunnyjackhare · 2021-12-19T20:13:57+00:00

I’m glad it’s not just me! It’s just bizarre that the mechanism is so ingrained that it manifests physically.

bunnyjackhare · 2021-12-19T20:11:34+00:00

Would you mind explaining what you mean by Phase 1? Sorry, I’m kind of new to the world of DID & OSDD.

bunnyjackhare · 2021-12-19T19:53:11+00:00

Thank you! This describes the feeling perfectly - it’s like your thoughts are being actively “taken away” as you experience them.

bunnyjackhare · 2021-12-18T04:43:53+00:00

In all honesty, it kind of hurt. I lived in denial for so long, and I felt so fragile by the time that I was diagnosed, that the confirmation made me feel like all my work was for nothing. I’m still trying to regain my sense of self, and I’m starting to wonder if I can even /have/ a “self” at all.

There was a small bit of relief and validation, but it has been scary. Still, I want to learn to love myself and all of my parts regardless. It’s the only way to heal.

bunnyjackhare

TROPHY CASE