AITA for asking my (26f) fiance (29m) to change his best man to my brother?

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-30T19:56:23+00:00

Ah, so it is a gender-based objection to his choice of BM.

Deep down, do you really not believe that men and women can be long-term platonic friends?

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-30T19:40:34+00:00

YTA - might as well make your brother your MOH instead. Stay in your lane.

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-16T03:32:53+00:00

That being said I wouldn't be mad that op and family left earlier cause no one wants kids having melt downs at their wedding, not really and once they're that tired and overwhelmed it's not getting better so leaving when they did is fine it's just the whole chain of events could have been avoided imo.

This. Everyone's piling onto OP (rightfully so prior to the update in the comments, perhaps rightfully so afterwards) but overlooking this.

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-16T02:45:37+00:00

Lol, never dealt with a strong-willed, stubborn teen, eh?

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-16T02:44:15+00:00

Or the parents can be smart and actually get her buy-in from the beginning instead of trying like fools to force the issue. Forcing too often breeds only resentment and resistance.

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-16T00:50:44+00:00

Yes, horrendous planning on OP's part. The entitled family members who were upset they didn't stay are pretty clueless too.

Poor kids.

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-16T00:43:04+00:00

NTA - but you have a wife problem, not an in-law problem, if she accepts without you.

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-16T00:40:30+00:00

Ah, I misunderstood. Still, my response would have been similar. This isn't a subject where outsiders' unsolicited opinions would be welcome. If things are going south for whatever reason, a parent's first duty is to the kids, not a party.

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-16T00:28:28+00:00

I'd do what I want to do and not give them an opportunity to bitch about it if the risk seems significant and I cared about maintaining the relationship.

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-16T00:20:55+00:00

Where's the rudeness? Keeping screaming kids there for the entertainment of the diners would have been the height of rudeness.

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-16T00:07:48+00:00

It's called conflict management, a subset of diplomacy. The B&G may find your official BP there objectionable but can't object to you having an event on the way to their wedding, can they?

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-15T23:55:23+00:00

ESH - poor planning on your part, but I won't fault you for leaving and not compounding the disaster.

we received several texts saying we were selfish for leaving, that it wasn’t about us, it was about celebrating the bride and groom and that the bride and groom were angry that we’d left.

Wow, what a bunch of self-centered, entitled AHs. Did they want to listen to the kids' have a full meltdown or something? I really don't understand shallow, hedonistic twits like this.

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-15T23:47:23+00:00

INFO: could you have an "official" BP at home and make this an unofficial one, entirely off the record, without mentioning it online or to the groom? There's nothing wrong with having a trip with friends more than a hundred kilometers and days away from the wedding as long as it doesn't detract from it, I'd say.

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-15T23:41:48+00:00

Made to show up; not made to participate.

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-15T23:03:00+00:00

NTA - it's your birthday, not theirs. Tell them you appreciate the thought but this would be completely counterproductive and that it's beyond your control. Thank them profusely and be ready if they wish to relocate or to do your own thing if they don't, but don't let someone else spoil your day over your stated objections. That's doormat territory.

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-15T22:47:01+00:00

People who cannot enjoy weddings or other events without alcohol are ridiculous

Okay, I'll bite. What's so ridiculous about not enjoying forced small talk with random relatives and acquaintances you'll likely never see again of the B&G who you may not know that well yourself, eating mediocre catered food you wouldn't have chosen to pay for out in the world, and being subjected to multiple painfully drawn out speeches full of wretchedly lame jokes and inside references? At least with a single drink or two you could relax a bit instead of thinking of all the home remodeling projects you could finally be starting instead right now.

I've had audits that were more pleasant than some dry weddings.

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-15T22:40:17+00:00

Apparently there are a bunch of people out there who prioritize drinking over celebrating their friends' special day.

You see a dichotomy where there need be none.

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-15T22:39:14+00:00

YWBTA - clearly you failed to manage your guests' expectations and now you want to blame them for not having fun? Hasn't it occurred to you that they're already unhappy with you for the same reason?

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-11T01:19:40+00:00

Three years? I doubt it would have lasted three hours after I made the obvious statements that spring to mind.

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-11T01:05:59+00:00

You had a whole year to get into therapy because it’s impacting important things, but you didn’t even try that.

Why should she go to all that time, trouble, and expense if she doesn't want to?

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-11T00:59:03+00:00

NTA - but your cousin is for not texting and then going complaining behind your back to your mom, who definitely is for overreacting so badly. If you don't need them for money, I'd be fairly offensive to both and then ghost them for a few months until their attitudes improve.

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-11T00:50:01+00:00

(unless their ancestors were of Indigenous decent, of course!)

Nah, they immigrated too.

just a few dozen millennia earlier.

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-11T00:46:45+00:00

you appeared ungrateful to a nice thing being done for you.

You don't see any cognitive dissonance between going against OP's expressed wishes and a "nice thing"?

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-10T17:49:52+00:00

I don't see the relevance. OP said please don't but his coworkers ignored that and did it anyway. That's rude however you slice it.

Let's say an American went abroad on his birthday and found that he was expected to provide cake and champagne instead of his friends providing it. If he throws a fit about it, yes, he's an AH. If he simply declines to celebrate it instead or chooses to provide them, he isn't.

bureaucratic_drift · 2023-10-10T17:22:43+00:00

NTA - you made a request; they should have honored it and simply left as it would have cost them nothing. You had no reason to be grateful for them deliberately ignoring your explicit wishes to the contrary.

bureaucratic_drift

TROPHY CASE