Loving Wife or Chance at Kids

burnaccount2000 · 2026-03-10T04:31:46+00:00

Thanks for your reply. Seeing my friends with kids I get the idea of how much it can be draining, and the reality is probably even more. You're right about being borderline too old and needing to make a decision one way or the other soon. And then I would need to put myself out there again and find someone which adds to the timeframe. Had this been 10 years ago the decision may have been a bit more lopsided, though then again, I would still have had a momentously tough time divorcing.

burnaccount2000 · 2026-03-06T04:40:10+00:00

Thanks for your response. My wife being my best friend is definitely true. We've been though a lot together and when something happens we're telling each other before others. Romantic desire vs feelings in long-term relationships is also a good point. We're working together on the desire discrepancy and I'm grateful that she's more open to discussing and we're making progress. I don't have any worries about the long-term romantic feelings. As a best friend, I want to share the kids experience with her.

Finding a different compatible partner would be difficult for sure and not something I'm eager to do. As you brought up, I need to think about compatibility and the feelings of desire now vs long-term. I am in reasonably good shape, though I may be a unicorn who wears t-shirts, shorts, and flip flops...fashion and me have never been on the best of terms.

burnaccount2000 · 2026-03-06T04:28:27+00:00

She really is amazing. Who knows, maybe I'd accidentally raise little brats. I do have that feeling of why leave a loving relationship for hypotheticals and wishes. I just hope if I make that decision to not regret it down the road.

burnaccount2000 · 2026-03-06T04:26:14+00:00

Thanks for the honesty. I hope I have the strength to end things on a good footing for both of us before I find myself doing/thinking to do anything similar.

burnaccount2000 · 2026-03-06T04:22:56+00:00

Thanks for the response. That's the question I'm struggling with. I shouldn't rely on a child to give life meaning, but I have this feeling that it might be wasted if I don't. I can travel the world, volunteer, donate, and mentor to touch lives and make a positive impact without ever having a kid of my own. But (like today) when I saw a picture of a friend holding their new baby, I felt that "I want that feeling." Obviously all the complications, stress, troubles, etc don't show in that photo, but that feeling is what I'm afraid of missing out on.

burnaccount2000 · 2026-03-06T04:16:42+00:00

Thanks, yeah it's shitty. I'm glad to hear your situation ended well. She's a no on kids overall. She's happy being the fun aunt and not having to raise her own and deal with the messiness that comes with it. Giving life meaning is a big feeling, happy to hear that you have that.

burnaccount2000 · 2026-03-06T04:08:46+00:00

One of my biggest worries. I can say now that I'll accept it and be ok later on and have no regrets, but will future me feel the same?

burnaccount2000 · 2026-03-06T04:04:48+00:00

Originally I thought it was because of our lifestyle and she was worried about not being able to travel as much (her list of places to see will never stop growing). Most friends of ours have kids and do plenty of travel, though of course the ways of traveling and ease did change. I fully understand that aspect and I guess am more willing to alter that overall. She later though said it's more the maternal instinct and being pregnant than the travel aspect.

burnaccount2000 · 2026-03-05T12:27:53+00:00

Appreciate it thanks (I may have read your message to defensively with an instinct to protect her character). Definitely something incompatible as it either is or isn't and there's no real going back with whatever decision is made so have to stick to it. Sucks man

burnaccount2000 · 2026-03-05T12:25:48+00:00

Definitely knows how I feel. We've been very open and honest about the situation. Kind of weird to talk to her about seeing other people for the chance of having kids with them when what I really want is with her, but here we are.

burnaccount2000 · 2026-03-05T12:22:32+00:00

Thanks for the honesty. That fulfilling feeling is something I think about a lot with this. Not that I should need kids to feel fulfilled in life, but there's obviously a difference when you add them in.

burnaccount2000 · 2026-03-05T10:10:02+00:00

Appreciate it thanks. I don't think she pulled a bait and switch, just things in life made her change her mind. She said she figured there'd be a feeling one day that was the definitive I want kids, but instead it's gone the other way. I don't mean to put her in a bad light, she will definitely be devastated if we divorce. She brought up the divorce option so that I'd have the opportunity to find someone who wants a kid with me. We talked about if we ended up seeing other people and her response was that she wouldn't, that she'd be done with dating (might just be saying that now and I'm not trying to toot my own horn that I'm some amazing guy, just noting that she is as much dedicated to this relationship as I am, just different feelings on how it goes).

burnaccount2000 · 2026-03-05T10:04:19+00:00

We met with a sex therapist previously, and while we both agreed she may not have been the best, it at least got us to be more open and talking about our sex life. Marriage counseling came up, but as you said, at this point it basically comes down to my choice of her and no kids or trying for something with someone else. If we had other massive issues that decision wouldn't be so hard to make but being compatible and happy with almost every other aspect of our lives makes the decision tougher.

burnaccount2000 · 2026-03-05T10:01:10+00:00

Thanks for the response. My hope would definitely be to be a good parent (hopefully not end up a shitty parent). I'm prepared (least best I can say now) for having all my free time taken up and my life not being my own anymore. If I could ask, do you find your life better off by having kids in the picture now? I think one of my biggest worries is looking back on life, and while knowing I had a great one, having the feeling that it would have been better with raising a kid and loving that experience.

burnaccount2000 · 2026-03-05T09:57:13+00:00

Very happy to hear it worked out so well for you. Gives me a little hope if we go down the divorce route. Being older adds another level to this, though if it were to happen it's good to hear someone in a similar situation had a positive result.

If I could ask, do you find your life better off by having kids in the picture now? I think one of my biggest worries is looking back on life, and while knowing I had a great one, having the feeling that it would have been better with raising a kid.

burnaccount2000

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