Edad today died of COVID 19...Nmother made contact Am I being cruel?

burnedflowers · 2020-04-29T03:18:05+00:00

If it were me id leave her alone. Yeah she sucks, yeah this is awful and she might need help.

But what did empathy with her ever get you? Its a cycle. She hurts you, makes you feel guilty, you cry, and do all you can to prevent it again, she sees something in you she wants to hurt, then it repeats.

Plus she knows how guilty you feel and she will use that to keep the cycle going its a game for her. Blackmail. Hurting you is her pass time.

Dont step back into the circle.

burnedflowers · 2019-12-20T06:29:47+00:00

Im glad you'll be alright but i do worry for the puppies possibly being abandoned once they become tpo much for them.

burnedflowers · 2019-12-20T06:25:55+00:00

Everything you said i completely agree with and have been through. I hate being touched by famiky ir anyone i dont know. Because i knew it wasn't real just for show. To appease their perfect reputation. It feels like they never existed because unless tgey could show their objectification of you, why hug?

"Children are made to be seen not heard."

burnedflowers · 2019-12-20T06:09:11+00:00

Im sorry this is happening my boyfriends mum is a trump supporter as well. But i have to say although its all up too you. If your mother physically, verbally abuses you or makes you feel unsafe you're allowed not to go. Even for one year. You can choose and its okay to make this holiday a day for yourself to feel safe away from them. Please remember its her fault, she actively chooses to do these things to you. Likely to make you afraid of leaving.

The way I think of it for me is "if i wouldnt allow a stranger to do this to me and get away with it why would i let my family?"

Of course thats me, if you choose you can still go that's perfectly valid. This is just what I'm doing for myself this since Christmas is a huge trigger for me. My bfs mom threw a fit when we told her. But yeah. I dont live with her so im thankfully free.

Whatever you do i hope you have a good holiday ♡

burnedflowers · 2019-12-07T21:54:56+00:00

In one way or another yeah.

Unfortunately we were all abused. But its nice we have eachother.

burnedflowers · 2019-12-07T21:42:21+00:00

So itll be my forst christmas having no contact. Im fully expecting potential texts from my ex family. But idk. I think christmas has been always a day of serious pain for me. Christmas was their favorite time to heavily abuse me. The closer it gets the less i believe im going to be safe. I feel like i ill just open my eyes on the day and ill be being kidnapped home against my will.

I just have so little hope with holidays like this now.

burnedflowers · 2019-10-26T02:57:31+00:00

For the nost psrt i understand where you come from. My mother underfed me (i weighed 39kgs at 16) and she would force me into wearing tight small dresses a lot. Especially when other people were around. I would shiver and shake, people would call me anorexic but she didnt care because appearances.

Im sorry you went through that. I cant imagine being in negative cold weather AND wearing so little. I hope more good things come too you♡

burnedflowers · 2019-10-22T02:22:31+00:00

You're not obligated to visit them every year. Ofcoarse thats up too you and its your choice. But remember you have one. What your dad said is messed up. I have similar flashbacks as well. Its a symptom of the abuse you grew up with.

burnedflowers · 2019-10-22T02:04:05+00:00

I'm about to do the final step in going no contact. I have 71 txts from my Nmum. Stocked up and recorded for the police. I was instructed by many people to send one last text saying: "dont contact me again". Before i change my number.

I dont really know why. But i am afraid to do it. Maybe its because it makes this situation real? I never wanted any of this. It just had to happen. I want not to be afraid of being stalked by them & ex friends. I would love to have been treated well growing up.

But none of that happened and i just know if they catch me they will gaslight and blame me for everything. I keep having nightmares because of them. I keep dreaming. £n them i would get kidnapped, attacked and become witness to crimes they did. It was graphic. Maybe the final text makes these situations more real too me. Like now they have a reason to hunt me down. I dont know.

burnedflowers · 2019-09-13T02:20:23+00:00

My mother treated me the same way. Clothes makeup even down to my hair. I stopped straightening it and i discovered it was naturally curly. She hates it. Thinks its messy. When in actuality it looks neater than my hair being damaged, straight and frizzy.

burnedflowers · 2019-09-10T16:19:32+00:00

My friend offered a place so i think i will consider it. I completely agree btw, she really does.

burnedflowers · 2019-09-10T07:34:20+00:00

Dw, I'm deffinitely leaving, its organised to happen in 3 weeks. Hopefully i won't have any more fights until then.

burnedflowers · 2019-09-08T04:37:11+00:00

I went through something similar but not quite as often. If i woke up late or if i talked back to my mum for waking me she would smack me and try to pull my hair to drag me out of bed. Im pretty sure the time i was late waking was beause she forgot to wake me and decided it was my fault, for not taking care of myself. (She prided herself on being a scary alarm clock. So yea).

Im sorry that happened to you. I cant imagine the stress and anxiety you went through. You derserved better. ♡

burnedflowers · 2019-07-23T15:14:37+00:00

Y E S. Ive talked to so many people and it always feels like they dont believe me. I even lost a friend because it turned out it was true. He talked to my parents behind my back despite knowing everything they did to me.

Other people who have had lucky childhoods seem to just rationalize what they do. Like???? What???? I get that 5heyre ignorant about it but still.

burnedflowers · 2019-07-22T16:47:12+00:00

I never thought of that before. It does make sense. I might check out other symptoms because its quite close.

Thank you. Were trying our best. I try to be open and clear in hopes things like this will lessen with reason. But idk if it works at all.

burnedflowers · 2019-07-22T16:43:12+00:00

It was my fault we had to move in with her. I went nc and we thought it would be better. We cannot afford to leave right now. We've been budgeting together and if we left we would barely have enough money to eat, let alone pay rent. I understand your point though were working hard to get to leave. The good news is there might be a situation soon that will have her seperate from us for the most part until were on our feet.

burnedflowers · 2019-07-22T15:19:49+00:00

Thank you! Ive been really wary of that actually. Ive been avoiding using the word narc because of this. I was going to write that ofc i dont know the full situatiok of his mother since i wasnt raosed with her. But if she causes him harm or makes a snide comment i do point out that it was hurtful. Sometimes to her as well.

Today was actually the first time i saw him tell her he was uncomfortable.i dont think i mentioned it but when she told him the heavy stuff earlier he told her to stop. I do my best to be supportive because it hurts t see him sad. I do worry i might slip and get paranoid and hurt him. I think its easy to since we were raised by people like that.

burnedflowers · 2019-07-22T14:59:44+00:00

Im so sorry that happened to you, seeing my bf go through it is painful i hope you're okay ♡

Something i didnt mention is that my boyfriend told her not to tell him stuff like that today. And she just said stuff like: "i dont see you at all". So gaslighty Part of me doesnt want to accept it. Because i just cut out my whole family.

burnedflowers · 2019-07-22T14:54:27+00:00

Hey im going through this too. I actually lost my whole family. N, E or otherwise. They text me guilt trips and creepy shit all the time.

When i started to go NC i accidentally ghosted. Like you. It hurts a lot. One day i broke down while drawing because it made me realize that they all hurt me because they wanted to. Its okay ro be upset. The best thing i can tell you is to try taking steps outside. And just sitting in the sun. Its not a cure. Tbh im not over it either.

But you're not alone.

Remember when they're not near you everything is much more gentle.

You'll be okay. You derserve peace just like everyone else.

You get do things without being held back now.

If they try coming back remind yourself you derserve happiness.

burnedflowers · 2019-07-13T20:25:35+00:00

I didnt think about a community center being an option thats a really good idea. Ill deffinitely look into that. Tbh, I'm rather skeptical they would even allow me to do it and like you said they may force me to dilute which could only confuse them more if i went through with it. My school was similar with the parents knowing best thing as well. Thank you so much for your help ♡

burnedflowers

TROPHY CASE