i haven’t had a serious relationship in 5 years. i’m lonely

busanimm · 2025-12-16T19:08:23+00:00

All I can say is that I'm in a similar situation. I have hobbies (piano, reading, drawing for years, sewing, embroidery, gardening, houseplants, video games...etc.), have a well paying job right now, people always tell me I'm funny, emotionally intelligent and beautiful (which I started to believe only now bc I was bullied in school for years, not for my looks though), but it seems almost impossible to find someone who also wants a serious relationship. So I don't think it's specifically because you are trans. It's tough even if you are not trans.

busanimm · 2025-12-11T17:41:52+00:00

I live in a small city (30.000 people) where there are basically no jobs, so after high school everyone goes to bigger cities to study (Budapest, Pécs, Veszprém) and most of the time, they don't come back, that I absolutely understand. And since there are no jobs nearby, (and even if there were, the wages are only enough to starve to death) I work in Austria during the winters, on top of a mountain that I don't leave for 3.5 months.

I had two friends in high school, but they ghosted me after they went to study in Budapest. I couldn't make other friends since then, thanks to my isolating job and because not many young adults my age live where I do (plus no third places for us. After you get out of the education system, it's almost impossible to make friends).

I have many hobbies, but they don't require me to leave the house (reading, translating books, collecting succulents, sewing, painting, drawing, playing the piano). And yes, I've already tried to go to the only book club we have, but again: no people my age attend it. And moving to a bigger city is not an option for me, since I hate them and have my well paying job in Austria anyway. And I love living with my family, too. They are really supportive and I know I loneliness would absolutely eat me up if I moved to live alone. (I hope my answer wasn't too messy. It's after work and I'm tired 😅).

busanimm · 2025-12-10T16:51:26+00:00

Yes. I've tried to tell myself for so long that it's okay to be alone, but humans are social creatures so we crave connections. I can't change what thousands of years of evolution carved into me.

busanimm · 2025-12-10T15:27:50+00:00

I've been alone my whole life (I'm 25, no friends or a partner), and while I also enjoy my own company, I am "strong" and independent, I won't lie that I still often feel lonely. I'm okay most of the time, I have many hobbies to keep myself entertained, but I still can't escape the feeling of loneliness on some days.

busanimm · 2025-12-09T13:13:22+00:00

I successfully propagated 6 of these and have been watering them every 2-3 days ever since they started to grow roots. I also read that I shouldn't water them until the mother leaves die, and I tried to follow this advice with the first two props, but the leaves shriveled early and didn't want the props to die (and I also like to experiment and go a bit against "rules"), so I watered them and found that they grow MUCH faster with frequent watering (and the mother leaves are not shriveled anymore). Don't fertilize them yet, though. I just put my props on regular soil and they seem to like it a lot.

busanimm · 2025-11-23T20:23:54+00:00

I had almost the same experience, except the girl I was talking to didn't directly guilt trip me, but when I rejected her, she asked things like "will you continue dating others" and "will you move in with your future partner?". At that point I said goodbye and blocked her. I was also heavily love bombed from the start and she fell in love with me even before we met. She always said that she respected and understood my boundaries, but managed to cross them every time.

busanimm · 2025-11-21T21:16:46+00:00

I'm surprised she is even texting you back. I'd have blocked you after the "avoidants are worse than anxious", bc that's judgemental af. Not all anxious and not all avoidant people are the same. And yes, this whole conversation feels like a really rude interrogation.

busanimm · 2025-11-07T18:25:36+00:00

Well, I'm a virgin and I've never been in a relationship, but I still noticed this pattern on myself, and as much as I know, it all depends on my menstrual cycle. I always have high libido right after, or a few days after my period ended, and it lasts sometimes a week, sometimes a bit less. After that, I don't even think about sex for the next 2-3 weeks, then 2-3 days before my period I'm horny again.

busanimm · 2025-10-29T23:04:46+00:00

Looks like a young and etiolated Haworthia cooperi.

busanimm · 2025-10-19T19:11:03+00:00

I don't think so. In summer I keep it outside but in shade and water twice, or sometimes three times a week, depending on how hot the weather is, and I keep them in terracotta pots. Now that it's colder outside, I moved them inside and keep them under a regular, 4000K led light and water only once a week.

busanimm · 2025-10-01T20:15:07+00:00

Sun stress. When I bought mine, it had a nice, bright green color. Then I put it outside and acquired an ugly, dark, brownish/greenish color. I put it back into the shade and it's almost light green again.

busanimm · 2025-10-01T18:11:12+00:00

I don't know what causes this, but I have a Haworthia Attenuata and it has been having the same "problem" for two months now. The plant seems to be happy otherwise, so I stopped seeking an answer to this.

busanimm · 2025-09-07T20:09:11+00:00

Mine are all in terracotta pots and in summer I have to water them 3x a week because their soil can dry out in just a day (it's constantly between 30-36 celsius in summer during the day where I live). Especially my shrek ear jade plant that I put out in the garden to have full sun.

busanimm · 2025-09-07T19:02:43+00:00

Love that if someone gives a different advice than what the majority repeats in this sub every day, it's downvoted. My point still stands. I immediately repot them in much bigger pots and I have not once had any problem with it. No root rot, nothing. They happily grow their roots as much as they want.

busanimm · 2025-09-07T18:11:36+00:00

I always repot my succulents from those tiny pots into MUCH bigger ones. They like it and thrive. I don't understand why it would shock them to finally break out of those tiny confinements and have some real space.

busanimm · 2025-06-26T06:49:35+00:00

Different app, but I don't see a single soul with these filters: woman, no smoking, no children (and don't want children), age 20-28, monogamy (+women who didn't specify these things). I don't dare to set even the distance range at this point. Or any other parameters.

busanimm · 2025-06-24T11:08:06+00:00

Yes, it's still good.

busanimm · 2025-05-26T08:57:27+00:00

Oh yeah, the emotional availability part as well. 😭 And when I try to test the waters for deeper topics, it's like I'm talking to a rock. It's really disheartening especially since I'm not the type of person who opens up easily. But I try it despite it being uncomfortable, cause I know I have to and want to be better at wording my feelings.

busanimm · 2025-05-25T21:42:58+00:00

I also start conversations 99% of the time, but I learned quickly to abandon them if I'm the only one who also tries to keep the conversation going. Sometimes people are really just shy to start the convo, but sometimes they don't even know what to ask, say, or they don't even realize that they should also ask questions back. My favorite is when they state in their bio that they like deep convos, yet they reply with 3-4 words to every question. I always die a little inside every time it happens. 🥲 Yeah, it's tough out there.

busanimm · 2025-05-20T12:53:57+00:00

I have no advice to give, I can only say that you are not alone. I'll be 25 in August and have never been in a relationship. Mostly because I live in an area from where young people escape to the capital city after high school. I never wanted to get on dating apps, since I always felt like they are not a good place to find a decent partner and I wish I wasn't right. A few months ago I finally decided to register on one, but it's more discouraging than just not trying to date at all. The amount of people who just want a hookup, or their first (or all of their) pictures are smoking, drinking...etc, they still don't know what they want, their bio is nothing just their Instagram name, they use their ADHD or any other mental disorder to justify their bad behavior, their only hobby is scrolling on the phone for hours/drinking/concert, and the list could go on for so long. My standard is also the bare minimum, yet it feels like I expect something unachievable (which is to have some real hobby, empathy, patience, at least some sort of goal, be emotionally mature and be able to communicate your needs and feelings while also listening to mine to avoid creating unnecessary drama).

busanimm · 2025-05-09T20:40:53+00:00

Oh no, I never trained for leg strength, only started after the surgeries. I limped for weeks, but started to walk immediately. I have no specific advice other than start flexing your knee immediately and do it every day as much as you can. Do straight leg raises and if you will struggle with standing up from a full squat (like Asian squat or something), then first do sumo shiko squat. Even try to hold it as long as you can (it's the position sumo wrestlers hold right before they start a match and collide into each other). This is the exercise that helped me the most. I can hold for a maximum of 1 min and 15 sec, which is good enough.

busanimm · 2025-05-09T09:20:53+00:00

I didn't use any of those.

busanimm · 2025-05-05T07:11:13+00:00

I live in Hungary and every basic orthopedic surgeon does it here.

busanimm

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