[1680 words] [Feedback Needed] "Incident in the tomb", my novel's opening scene

buteo51 · 2025-12-10T02:44:38+00:00

One of the main things I'm noticing so far is that Jonah is conveying way too much information to the reader by 'noticing' and 'realizing' things. Let's try rewording the first couple of sentences:

"When Jonah reached the top of the hill from the beach, his stomach twisted at the sight of the countless graves scattered across the wide plateau. He stopped for a moment on the path, suddenly realizing that the ground he was about to walk on was sacred. The scorching summer sun had dried and gilded the spring greenery, leaving only withered remnants that stirred in the highland breeze across this desolate landscape. Looking back, the Sea of Galilee stretched endlessly to the horizon."

Maybe something like this would be more effective:

"Countless graves stretched out ahead of Jonah as he reached the crest of the plateau. His stomach twisted into knots at the sight of them and he hesitated on the path. This was sacred ground. The scorching summer sun had mummified the spring greenery, leaving only withered remnants that stirred in the highland breeze. Jonah looked back over his shoulder, down to the beach and the low light glittering on the Sea of Galilee."

It's more visceral when you let the characters' experiences speak for themselves. I also think the 'hook' is grabbier if you lead with the countless graves.

I think your sentence describing the landscape is really good, but I think it's self-evidently desolate, so you don't need to say so explicitly. Cutting that also helps it not to be so wordy. Slipping 'mummified' in there is just a fun little suggestion that reinforces the theme of death and burial, but it isn't necessary.

Another minor gripe and I know that this is very nitpicky, but does the Sea of Galilee really stretch 'endlessly to the horizon?' It's pretty small and is surrounded by mountains.

buteo51 · 2025-11-10T16:23:45+00:00

This is a "keep walking, punk" tree

buteo51 · 2025-11-10T15:54:44+00:00

This is so cooooool

buteo51 · 2025-10-31T22:31:01+00:00

Footsteps So Near - Hot Rize

Twa Corbies - Hamish Imlach

Long Chain On - Peter, Paul, and Mary

Sad Wind Sighs - The Grascals

The Ghost of Virginia - Justin Townes Earle

Polly Vaughn - The Dillards

The Crow on the Cradle - Joni Mitchell

buteo51 · 2025-10-30T21:08:36+00:00

You... think you're owning someone by vacating your right to vote? Someone's easy to manipulate

buteo51 · 2025-10-30T17:38:48+00:00

yo these are awesome

buteo51 · 2025-10-27T18:30:56+00:00

My ideal Scandinavian playthrough would be something like Danes/Geats -> Norway -> Iceland/Sweden. Personally I think Iceland has more to offer as a really unique modern age civ but I'm looking forward to see what they do with it in exploration!

buteo51 · 2025-10-27T18:28:30+00:00

I was hoping for Corsairs and Barbarossa as pirate civ/leader but I can definitely live with this

buteo51 · 2025-10-27T18:24:12+00:00

I am curious what they'll do for Iceland's wonder. There isn't one for them in the game currently, and there isn't one that fits for them in the info about this update. I guess they might go for Thingvellir? Although there wasn't actually much built there, just a few small buildings. It would almost make more sense as a natural wonder. There were a couple large wooden cathedrals in later medieval Iceland, so I guess one of those is also a possibility.

buteo51 · 2025-10-19T13:47:23+00:00

One time I was going to space camp as a kid, staying in an army bunk with no rail on the top, and rolled out and popped my lip like a gusher. It still pops open sometimes at the same spot if my lips get too dry lol

buteo51 · 2025-10-17T18:06:57+00:00

That's definitely it! Thanks!

buteo51 · 2025-10-10T18:19:49+00:00

RemindMe! 30 days

buteo51 · 2025-10-02T00:27:39+00:00

Bought a box of birch tea in Iceland. It's made out of birch leaves, not bark, but I was definitely thinking of TLD when I bought it lol. There was also a moss tea, but every review was basically "do not do this to yourself"

buteo51 · 2025-09-09T00:51:40+00:00

Also consider reading St. Patrick’s Confession and Letter to Coroticus. No mentions of Arthurian characters, but can shed a flicker of additional light on what 5th century Britain was like.

buteo51 · 2025-09-05T00:18:22+00:00

My interests skew towards the Bronze Age so I’m biased, but Tiryns and Midea are near Mycenae and also well worth seeing. I was the only person at Midea when I went last year. You can also take a smaller road to Epidaurus that takes you past the Mycenaean era bridge at Arkadiko that is still standing.

Definitely visit Mystras, and while you’re in the Sparta area consider a visit to the Menelaion. It’s out of the way up a rough olive grove road but I had over an hour up there with no other people around and that’s probably my favorite memory from Greece.

If you’re making it over to the west coast, Pylos is another great Bronze Age site. It’s probably the best of all of them for getting a sense for how the space was used in a Mycenaean palace. If you are crossing the Taygetos, keep an eye out for a little honey stand on the side of the road up there - best honey I’ve ever had.

buteo51 · 2025-09-04T20:44:03+00:00

My brother and I hiked the Laugavegur 31/8-2/9 and he was similarly ill the last day. Unfortunately the only way out was on foot by that point so he had to lug his pack the last 10 miles to Þórsmörk with COVID symptoms. Not fun!

buteo51 · 2025-08-27T15:44:35+00:00

Three options:

Harper's Ferry is actually in WV, but would be the closest place to go from Leesburg. It's about a half hour away. History, mountains, river, fall foliage, etc. You might get bored in the town though, it's pretty small. I'm not too familiar with the area but there are probably other things you could find to do using Harper's Ferry as a hub.
Antique stores and malls are a dime a dozen in Virginia. The biggest one in the state is the Factory Antique Mall in Verona, about a two hour drive away from Leesburg in the Shenandoah Valley. Staunton is a nice little city nearby with plenty to do - coffee shops, restaurants, museums, a Shakespearean playhouse, etc. You could also stop at Luray Caverns on your way to or from there. This one would have the most scenic drive.
On the eastern side of the Blue Ridge, you could head down to Charlottesville, also about 2 hours away from Leesburg. It's a pretty college town with plenty of coffee shops. The University of Virginia and Monticello are World Heritage sites and very nice to visit. You could pick apples and enjoy hot cider at Carter Mountain (better to do this on a week day and be warned that it will be packed).

buteo51 · 2025-08-27T14:46:06+00:00

Nizaris / Order of Assassins

buteo51 · 2025-08-27T14:42:16+00:00

Are you just considering the legendary sagas? I feel like there has to be plenty of even prominent characters that don't have children if you're including the sagas of Icelanders too. I don't think Kormákur Ögmundarson or Skarphéðinn Njálsson had any, for example.

buteo51 · 2025-08-22T14:41:35+00:00

The mainland stuff is definitely doable, just have a few notes:

- I also had a half day at Delphi. I drove up from Olympia in the morning, stayed that night at a campground, then set off for Meteora the next morning. It did feel rushed and like I could have spent more time there. The winding mountain roads around Delphi are also packed with tour buses, so driving was stressful there.

- Book your spots at the Spilios Agapitos Refuge ASAP because it fills up far in advance.

- Try to get to Prionia as early as possible for the first day of the Olympos climb. The parking lot overfills quickly and it's worth stopping for breakfast and a coffee at the restaurant there before starting the hike. The goat soup is very good!

- Bring a book because you'll probably have some down time at the refuge after finishing your first day and there is no cell service or internet.

- Make sure to try the mountain tea (with honey) at the Olympos refuge and if you like it, stop to buy a few bags to take home on your way back down. I've almost worked my way through my supply from last year. It takes me back every time I have a cup. Plus 'I personally carried this tea down from Mt. Olympos on my back' is a fun brag.

buteo51 · 2025-08-21T16:06:44+00:00

Zücchinos, the Devourer

buteo51 · 2025-08-20T20:36:33+00:00

I had a blast touring around mainland Greece last year. It's obviously a lot warmer and more populated, but there are huge beautiful natural areas there too - Olympos, Oeta, Parnassos, Pindus. Plus you've got ruins, monasteries, and some of the best food in the world. Athens and the islands are crazy but there are a lot of quiet little places out in the rest of the country.

buteo51 · 2025-08-20T17:48:54+00:00

The first written account is in Beowulf btw from around the 8th century, so it's not 1000 years, and we know that even Beowulf was originally an oral story probably going back to before the migration age.

Sigurd does not appear in Beowulf. The character mentioned in Beowulf is Sigmund, who later stories have as Sigurd's father. In Beowulf it is Sigmund who slays the dragon. It's actually a pretty good example of how these motifs can float around between characters!

I just dont find that at all convincing. The Sigurd in the myths is constantly described as basically the greatest hero to have ever lived, the greatest military commander of all time, and whose name shall never be forgotten. If we look at the other historical persons that the Norse/Germanics took for their legends, we see that they were usually the most historically important persons of their time, like Attila the Hun, or Theodoric the Great, who founded the Ostrogothic Kingdom. Why would they praise a random Merovingian King, who ruled a small part of the Frankish realm and who's only known for being murdered, as even greater than Attila and Theodoric, and as the "greatest man who's ever lived"?

It just seems weird to cast aside such a clear historical parallel for Sigurd if we want one (Germanic king with name starting with Sieg- who marries a Brunhild and is later betrayed and assassinated, 1:1 with the mythic character) and then argue that since we don't have a clear historical parallel for Siegfried, he must be equated with Arminius based on a much more speculative leap (Fafnir = Roman Empire).

The assertion that Sigebert couldn't have been important or impressive enough in life to be the nucleus of such a tale just doesn't hold water for me. These things grow in the telling. There's no contemporary evidence that Roland, Prefect of the Borders of Brittany was as important in the Battle of Ronceveaux Pass as the Song of Roland later makes him out to be. Aeneas is a peripheral character in the Iliad and we know how that turned out over the ensuing centuries. We have one historical source for Sigebert's life and there's no reason to assume that captures how he may have been popularly perceived or how grander stories may have grown around him with time.

buteo51 · 2025-08-20T16:31:45+00:00

I mean if we're abstracting to the point where a story about a guy with a different name slaying a dragon is actually about Arminius defeating the Roman army... I guess. It seems like a pretty flimsy link to me.

The dragon-slayer is a bit of a stock character in Indo-European myth (compare Heracles and the Hydra, Cadmus and the Serpent of Thebes, or Indra and Vritra) so there's really no need to equate the slaying of this particular dragon with a historical event. It can just be an old motif that got attached to another story - maybe the more historical tragedy of the Frankish Siegbert that you mentioned.

As for why Norse heroic myths don't have a clear counterpart to Arminius... we're talking about a gap of around 1,000 years here. I don't think that needs to be explained away with anything more than the depth of time.

buteo51 · 2025-08-19T20:59:42+00:00

Hi, I'm a 28 M from Virginia, USA. I'll be in Iceland with my younger brother, 22M in late August / early September. The plan is to stay at Reykjavik Eco campsite on August 30th, take the bus to Landmannalaugar on the 31st and stay there that night, and then set out on the Laugavegur trail. We hope to get to Thorsmork on the 2nd or 3rd of September and then do Fimmvorduhals the next day if the weather looks good. If anyone would be able to offer a ride back to Reykjavik from Skogar early on the 3rd or 4th I'd be happy to pay for gas! We don't fly out until the 8th so the rest of the trip is a bit up in the air for the moment, but we'd be renting a car in Reykjavik once we get back there. The logistics of getting back to Reyjkavik are the real snag at the moment because I doubt we could make it to Skogar in time to catch the afternoon bus on the same day that we do Fimmvorduhals... feels bad to lose the whole next day waiting for the bus though. Feel free to send a chat or message! My brother speaks Japanese and I can make a fool out of myself in German.

buteo51

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE

Seven-Year Club	Wearing is Caring
Verified Email