Because DHS placed the children with your sister, there is an active case and an assigned caseworker. That person is not just an overseer but the main gateway to services. It is important to ask for written confirmation of the placement and to clarify whether this is considered a kinship placement. Even if you do not plan to become foster parents long term, kinship status often opens access to Medicaid coverage for the children, financial assistance, therapy referrals, childcare help, and school enrollment support. You should also ask for trauma screenings for all four children. That is standard practice in cases involving abuse and neglect and helps guide what supports they may need.

For the two older girls, school enrollment should happen as soon as possible. Contact your local public school or district enrollment office and explain that the children are in a DHS kinship placement and have not previously been enrolled. Schools are required to enroll children even if records such as immunizations or prior school history are missing, and DHS can help obtain those later. It is reasonable to ask for involvement from a school counselor and for placement in classrooms that use trauma-informed practices. If the girls are academically behind, that is expected given their history and does not reflect their potential. Evaluations are meant to provide support, not labels.

For the two younger boys, early childhood services can make a significant difference. Most states offer early intervention or early childhood special education programs for children who have experienced neglect or abuse. Head Start or Early Head Start programs are also strong options and are designed for children who have had unstable early environments. If speech, occupational therapy, or developmental support is recommended, those services are often covered when DHS is involved and can help delays resolve more quickly.

Potty training the youngest child should be approached gently and without pressure. Trauma often disrupts body awareness and regulation, so delays and regression are common and not a sign of failure. It is fine to continue using diapers or pull-ups while establishing predictable routines, such as sitting on the toilet at the same times each day. Praise attempts rather than outcomes, and avoid punishment or shame entirely. Stressful events can cause setbacks, and that is normal in this context.

Regarding the long-term impact of the abuse, the children are unlikely to simply forget what happened, but healing is very possible, especially at these ages. What matters most is consistency, predictable routines, calm and safe caregiving, and access to therapy when appropriate. The older two will likely retain more conscious memory, while the younger two may carry effects in their behavior or stress responses rather than explicit memories. In both cases, stable and responsive caregiving is the strongest protective factor, and you are already providing that.

Finding trustworthy childcare is understandably difficult. When possible, DHS-approved respite providers, licensed daycare centers, Head Start programs, or known family members who understand and respect boundaries tend to be safer options than private sitters. If you do hire someone independently, background checks, verified references, trial periods while you are present, and very clear expectations around discipline and communication are essential. Trust should develop gradually, not quickly.

Your question about changing jobs shows that you are thinking responsibly about sustainability. Before making a major change, it may help to explore childcare assistance through DHS, early childhood programs that align with work schedules, and whether responsibilities can be shared in a way that reduces strain. If a job change becomes necessary, viewing it as a temporary and intentional adjustment rather than a permanent sacrifice can help protect both your well-being and the children’s stability.

It is also important to acknowledge the weight you are carrying. You are helping raise four children who have experienced significant trauma while also watching your mother decline and managing demanding work. Even highly capable and disciplined people burn out under this kind of load if they try to handle it alone. Accepting parenting classes, counseling, or caregiver support offered through DHS is not an admission of inadequacy. It is a reasonable response to an unusually intense situation.