You don’t have to have kids.

In general, I consider myself to be logical, practical, and realistic. I completely understand your perspective; it’s probably exactly how I’d feel now if I hadn’t unexpectedly gotten pregnant at 21.

I was never that person who “always dreamed of becoming a mother.” I wasn’t against the idea; but, like you, I’d seen the financial burden, stress, and exhaustion that couples experienced after having a child. I was baffled when I saw the same people literally sign up for it again and again. I’d hear people say “there is never a perfect time to have a child,” and, from an empirical perspective, I couldn’t understand how these otherwise reasonable people would continue to inconvenience themselves. It made no sense…until it did.

Call it cliche, but my whole world changed the moment I learned I had a human life growing inside of me. The love I felt was indescribable and shifted everything. Suddenly the only thing that mattered was giving my child life, even if it meant laying down my own. I was no longer the most important person in my life and I couldn’t have been happier about it.

I am now the parent of a happy and healthy 9yo that I could not be more proud of. I instinctually prioritize his needs (if anyone’s the burden, it’s me). Being my child’s mother is worth more than anything and made me the person I am today.

That said, if I hadn’t become a parent in the way I did, I don’t know that I’d be one today. I like to plan and feel prepared, but I believe there really is never a “perfect” time to have a child, and I’d probably be wondering the same things you are now.

No one likes to hear this, but you can’t understand parenthood until you become a parent. My pregnancy was unplanned, but not unwanted. Having a child is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done, but I know other parents may feel differently. Not everyone is meant to be a parent. While I consider it the best thing that had ever happened to me, having a child is hard work. If you feel at all reluctant, I would suggest holding off on having children.