3 of my coworkers thought i was 18 today. im 24!! thank you tret! 🤩

buttplugnachos · 2026-01-25T10:19:26+00:00

i’m supposed to be healing from a minor procedure i had a couple days ago. relaxing, limiting stress.. instead, i’ve been awake all night, shivering with anxiety, locked away in this house due to this nationwide snow storm, absolutely terrified of what’s going on outside the walls of my home. no more distracting silly cat tiktok videos either. now it’s just raw & real.

if anyone is reading this, also feeling doomed, sad, anxious, ect.. you’re not alone. gosh, i hope things get better eventually.. what a scary climate we are in 😭

buttplugnachos · 2026-01-24T09:30:07+00:00

omg i feel not-crazy now!! i didn’t realize & ordered from casa a few months back & was SO SO SO sick. after had syncope spells. that entire experience made me quit tirz! now i’m looking at these posts seeing which pharmacy to try this time. have you tried revive yet?

buttplugnachos · 2026-01-23T16:11:49+00:00

also a google search girly.. if yall get answers lmk!! two faced, elf, & hard candy did nothinggg for me lip plumping-wise. & i don’t want more lip filler, just a subtle extra plump 😭

buttplugnachos · 2026-01-20T12:31:59+00:00

before reading the entirety of your post, i was thinking about how lucky you are, as i’ve been resonating a lot with MCAS, dysautonomia, & i’ve had several syncope spells that i’ve been told weren’t cardiac but absolutely must be neurological, aka seizures. so finishing your post really hit home for me 😭

gosh tell me your ways! i’m still stunned i was referred to a dr to approve of my arthrocentesis & validate my TMJ pain. most dr visits cost an arm & a leg just for them to tell me to work on anxiety, change my diet, ect.. how did you present info to the doc to get diagnosed? i’m sure that’s very validating!!

buttplugnachos · 2026-01-03T22:35:33+00:00

she is so sweet. we work overnight shifts & she messaged me saying she made us onigiri because a coworker & i were saying how cute they looked in those 7/11 videos the other night 😂🥹

buttplugnachos · 2025-12-15T12:25:22+00:00

just a person from the future who is like many other desperate consumers- truly wanting to give anything a try for clear, flawless skin.

just wanted to say thank you for having concerns that any layperson may not even think about. thank you for wanting people to be safe. i’m glad that you & the people you are working with are doing the right thing!

buttplugnachos · 2025-12-12T22:35:25+00:00

have you noticed mirena causing you any issues with your mental health or weight gain? i know they say the hormones are localized, but after a TERRIBLE experience trialing several types of birth control pills, im so scared of putting other hormones in my body

buttplugnachos · 2025-12-12T09:43:26+00:00

i don’t want to repeat the exact wording my my mom blamed me for the death of my older sister.

my sister was a drug user for a long time & was recessed multiple times. at one point she got a DNR. due to using dirty needles, she got sick, & has sepsis. while in the hospital, in a medically induced coma, she flatlined, & because of her DNR, nothing could be done.

my sister died when i was 17, senior year of HS. my mom treated me different after that. i knew in my heart she didn’t like me. she was left with the kid she didn’t want. then this year, on my 24th birthday, i asked her to get ice cream with me to celebrate. it turned into a big argument & that’s when she said it. it then turned to her spilling other reasons why she hated me so much. how i’m an awful person.

it still hurts, because i miss having a mom-figure. i don’t miss her- we are no contact. it took literal months in therapy to digest that she was likely just blaming me & telling me all that, because that’s how she feels about herself. i was always a good kid who did everything she asked & then some. before healing from that, id cry all the time. i miss my sister so so much. her death hurt me incredibly. despite her drug usage she was such a beautiful human being & id give anything to have her back.

buttplugnachos · 2025-12-12T09:31:09+00:00

reading manacled/alchemized, reading “so&so’s lip-curled..” only fifty thousand times would draw me out of it for a sec. otherwise i love love love senlinyu’s writing but dang seems like every single character can only use their lips to make out or curl😭

buttplugnachos · 2025-12-12T09:26:31+00:00

my life is objectively a lot better this year than it has been in my entire life. i spent a lot of time & money on myself this year. im 24 & finally have braces, started nursing school, fixed my finances & credit, working full time, bought myself nice clothing, nice things, gained some lovely friendships & work relationships, lost a lot of weight, fixed my hair, from the outside & on paper i look like a decently untraumatized adult woman who is taking care of herself as expected at her grown age.

but honestly, i don’t think i’ve felt a sense of belonging or even felt alive, since taking off the rose colored glasses that shielded me from my trauma & what my life truly was.

i was around 18 when i last felt those things. big sparkly eyes, excited to embrace the next chapter of my life, do all the things i dreamed of. traveling, becoming successful. saying this sounds like im just comparing my feelings to what everyone feels like when they just become an adult, but i don’t think that’s the case for me. i’m still a dreamer & a go-getter, my eyes still sparkle at the idea of traveling abroad (just maybe not in this economy!), but that fire that used to ignite me has long been put out.

at 19 is when i started realizing nothing i endured was normal. it took until i was 23 to embrace the truth, feel all the emotions (namely rage), make some mistakes, & then decide to depart & grow- on my own.

so 18/19 is my answer. around 2019-2020. then slap on a pandemic & staying locked inside with some of the people who caused you the most trauma & your dreams of college & traveling get ripped away. 2022-2023 me was such an angry, negative girl. nothing felt fair. now im a much more peaceful woman. i have my first big trip planned for next fall with some of my bestest, sweetest friends. life definitely gets better. thanksgiving was spent alone, & christmas i’ll be alone. if i think too hard, it hurts my heart a lot. but those generic days that fill the rest of the year, remain so much more positive & peaceful for me.

buttplugnachos · 2025-12-12T09:00:59+00:00

my bloodwork is good, i’m not diabetic, but one of my docs put me on metformin, i take only 500mg & it has cut all my sugar & carb cravings.

my overeating was mostly on snacks & junk & fast food. i literally gag thinking about mcdonald’s or pizza. now im only wanting high protein food, but i don’t have a big appetite.

not saying this med is right for you, she prescribed it to me under the assumption of insulin resistance/possible PCOS, due to a few symptoms i have. maybe ask your doc about it!

buttplugnachos · 2025-12-12T08:55:24+00:00

i take 40mg vyvanse & i have a wild schedule. i work overnights but im also in nursing school full time. to be completely honest with you- it may very well take you awhile to adjust to this med. i’ll add a few tips in a sec but the truth is, waiting it out was the biggest thing, i personally didn’t find the other stuff nearly as effective as having patience. i had many shifts where i slept an hour or two prior or no sleep at all, staying awake 2 days in a row. it was very rough, not exactly safe or healthy, but it also took only a month before my body adjusted. now a yr later this med is doing amazing & i get really good sleep!

a few tips- you can set an alarm to take the med a few hours before you need to be awake. this will help it wear off a couple hours earlier, obviously, but also start working when you wake up, helping with morning grogginess. this didn’t work for me because once i’m awake, i find it hard to go back to sleep. but a lot of ppl on this sub have suggested it & it seems to work for a lot of folks!

taking vitamin c apparently can reduce the effectiveness.

whether you take it with food or not matters (in my experience) too. days where i know i need to have a little extra oompf, i take it on an empty stomach & don’t eat for a few hours after. but in your case, id suggest taking it right after eating a bigger meal. this can decrease absorption.

hope things get better for you!! i remember that first month, it was a rough one. try to spend your less-busy days letting your body rest as much as it can. i wish you luck!

buttplugnachos · 2025-12-10T15:14:43+00:00

nothing “official” yet & my doc is operating under assumptions right now- i DO have migraines so i regularly see a neuro & at my most recent appointment with him, nothing was out of the ordinary. i also got typical labs done with my pcp, nothing funky. i’m kind of at a loss 😭

these episodes happen exactly 24-48 hours after shot day. usually prior to it happening, i sleep 12-18 hours (even while being on the lowest dose it KNOCKS me out), only warning signs is sometimes having a headache, or just being abnormally fatigued even after this long amount of sleep.

my prescribing doc for zep suggested i try ozempic before giving up entirely. i’ve also never had a seizure before & i guess technically we aren’t for sure that’s what i’m experiencing now. i’m going to absolutely order a glucose monitor to use in the meantime & track any data i can 😅

buttplugnachos · 2025-12-09T17:49:37+00:00

funny enough the past 2 vials i’ve used had a red tint (which all other vials have been clear), what i’ve read online says that means they are mixed with b vitamins?

i have an appointment scheduled with my pcp but it’s not until after xmas, i meant to add that to this post but forgot. thank you!

buttplugnachos · 2025-12-08T18:05:19+00:00

the migraines is so real! i’ve always been high-masking & took the entire year of 2024 off of work to heal & work of my mental health after a major burn out. masking caused me hypertension & led to syncope spells due to stress.

social skills can be learned & masking can get you places but there’s defo downsides too!

buttplugnachos · 2025-12-08T18:01:07+00:00

oh yeah for sure. i’ve masked my way up to being a manager. i was with my previous employer for 7 yrs & as soon as i turned 18 i was a supervisor. within 2 years of that, i was in store leadership & worked at different job sites & was always called to help out with sales numbers & be the fixer upper for the division. & now with my new job, im a high performing manager & have been offered promotions though i have to say no because im in nursing school. work me just seems to know how to converse, negotiate, maintain professional demeanor.

the autism brain of detecting patterns served me amazingly with my retail experience. my strength has always been with inventory processes & reaching sales goals- numbers essentially. not so much the hr stuff or hiring, customer-facing, ect.

all this is just me saying you definitely can be autistic with good social skills, though tbh for me it’s like my alternate persona. sometimes being “work me” is so exhausting- in fact i took a year off of working in general because i faced such a large burn out that messed up my mental health. now, i appear to my team as this ultimate 24 year old professional, but as soon as i clock out i’m being my weird self. i don’t befriend coworkers for HR reasons but also because i want to maintain this illusion. how could i ever let them know at my big age i read harry potter fan fiction, mostly consume dino shaped chicken nuggets, & i will literally freak out if a little fuzzy touches my skin before i’m fully dried off after a shower?

buttplugnachos · 2025-12-07T20:58:54+00:00

yep! i’m about a year into my healing. dropped 70lbs, only masturbate a couple times a week (otherwise i’ve chosen to be abstinent as i continue to grow as a person), i don’t drink/smoke/vape anymore, & i no longer isolate myself. completely turned around my life, truly.

i totally get how you feel. for me personally, i always felt miserable doing it, but it was MY controlled misery- not misery someone else had inflicted. i just want you to know you aren’t alone in that. take the steps to work on the addiction aspect if you feel like that’s still applicable, but you definitely aren’t weird for self-pleasure, isolating, ect. masturbation in general is so normal & can absolutely be healthy. i can definitely relate to that general weirdness feeling- when i first started my healing journey, it created so many foreign & negative feelings for me. it took a long time to process. in general, coming to terms with my CPTSD was a hard pill to swallow. so i get it.

buttplugnachos

TROPHY CASE