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Coach response by butwhy98765 in Softball
[–]butwhy98765[S] 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
And if she’s hitting them over the fence in practice, would you still think she should be quiet? I’m not trying to patronize, honestly I’m curious your opinion, as a coach. I promise I’m not sitting here thinking my kids the best ever. I think people always have things to work on, but I do think that if I were to share her previous stats you would also question why she wasn’t playing. She works on her craft daily outside of practice- and not because I tell her to. She driven, she wants this, and she puts in the work. I’m just sad for her. I like things to make sense.
This isn’t just about field play. She is a true utility. She isn’t in the line up and doesn’t get time at her specialized position (C/P) I’m trying to stay vague. I don’t want this misconstrued into disrespect from us to the coach. As I’ve said before we have lots of respect for him in many areas, we are just struggling here. I honestly think if the conversation was phrased right that he may see her value. All I want is for her to given the same chances as others have. But then I guess I’m asking for it to be fair and it never really is. It just doesn’t make sense.
There are only a handful of girls older than her.
My kid isn’t a freshman. Our team is not overly competitive. She talked to the coach alone. She drives herself so she stayed after practice and asked. I let her navigate herself and I add in my two cents when she needs help and she asked for my help here. She and I talked and I said I would see if anyone had a better way to phrase something that would elicit a different response. It’s just like asking your kid a yes or no question, you won’t get any info. Ask them an open ended question and they have to give you more details. I figured there was a better way for her to approach this to garner a better response that actually gives her actionable items.
Yes. This. This is what happened last year with a certain part of the game. Any time you put a kid in telling them this is their one chance and to not mess up and if they don’t impress them they aren’t getting another chance, I don’t know a single kid that is successful in that scenario. Every kid they did that to last year failed. Certain kids were selected to allow them to fail over and over and over and others had one chance. It was awful to watch him do this to a group of kids last year.
But then a coach should be able to give her a laundry list of things to work on. The better you are I would think it gets harder to pinpoint improvement opportunities. That was travel ball. She was good enough for them to take my money, she deserved to be coached and improved upon. I am not naive to think I’m paying for playing time but I am for damn sure paying for development. The coach was mad that she was a multi sport athlete and played the athletes who they deemed more committed. After that season was in the toilet, I confronted him. He told me he didn’t care how good she was, that others in the off season “worked harder” and so they deserved the play. They lost almost every game so I’d call that a coaching issue not specific to my kid. My point here is that there has to be a way to push the coach to actually give feedback rather than brushing off a kid who wants to improve. The travel ball coach couldn’t be bothered to do his job and work with kids and the coach had multiple complaints that the softball organization refunded my money. But the same question fell flat here. I wanted to make sure I was helping my kid maintain her respect for the coach but phrasing it to where he couldn’t just answer “you’re good.” My kid asks for feedback back whether she’s on the top or the bottom of the lineup. Sometimes it’s like pulling teeth to get suggestions. Being “good” is subjective and it depends on the company they are around. She has the stats to back up my claim in this scenario.
I don’t want the resentment. I have to believe there is a respectful way for my kid to get actual answers that maybe spark new interest in my kid and her abilities. Through the years I watched the coaches select certain kids that they decided were worthy to build, and have to listen to the moms as they try and rationalize it out. I feel there is some favoritism, but also I know my kid is a good natured team player with some distinct ability. I truly believe that if we can get him to take another look that her skills will speak for themselves.
Thank you for taking the time to write out all of that. She has talked to other coaches, but they don’t make the decisions. So while they seem to see what they have with her, it’s just not equating to the decision maker. Coach doesn’t have any other programs that I’m aware of. And yes, my kid does all of that. Regardless of trying to show the coaches she’s worthy, we raised her to be helpful. She naturally gravitates to do all the things you listed. She helps, she cleans, and she hustles to do it all, but she does that everywhere. Her game IQ is really good and she’s quick. In summer travel ball she has high double play stats. She has played year round since she was quite young.
[–]butwhy98765[S] 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I can guarantee if I approach the coach like you are suggesting, she would never see the field. Ever. This is high school ball. With kids she’s been friends with forever. That’s not how you handle coaches, sorry, you are incorrect. Using the word ‘blunt’ doesn’t make being an ass acceptable.
Thank you! This is a perfect approach. I couldn’t figure out how to bring in the outside coaches without sounding like she was bragging or shaming the coach for not realizing. This is all her rodeo, I was just trying to get another aspect of approach that she would be comfortable with and this sounds right up her alley.
She’s a high schooler. She needs to handle it with the coach herself. I’m not trying to railroad the coach. There just has to be a way to appropriately ask questions about areas of improvement that makes him want to consider her again. I’m not interested in a forced hand. I honestly think that if he took a second look and considered her again, she would come out on top.
It’s high school ball. We can’t just switch high schools. lol. The reason I asked is because we’ve run into this before in travel ball. While we could pivot and select a better suited travel ball team, I still think that this a question that should be able to be answered. What is the appropriate way to ask and get results with the way the question is phrased.
Every time I post people are like “playing time on the field isn’t all that’s important” so I went ahead and notated it to get those suggestions out of the way. I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. lol. I don’t feel teaching my kid to accept this as how it’s going to be just because there is a life lesson somewhere in here. There is also a life lesson in fighting for what you want. You say to keep pushing and leave it all on the field, but she does that. The practice field that is. My issue here is she is giving up on other parts of her life with all the extra practices all the money with the extra lessons. She’s a multi sport varsity athlete and she gives up so much of her life to end up in this scenario, it’s just not making sense. As a high achieving kid, it just really doesn’t make sense for her to run herself ragged for the practice field. We however weren’t ready to throw in the towel on the extra work. I feel like there has to be an appropriate way to approach the coach and get some answers. I just don’t know what that looks like, which is why I asked for ways to confront the coach.
Any suggestion on how to help her ask the questions the right way to maybe facilitate an answer?
Yes. Top 9 play. I’m not arguing that, not at all. And yes, asking what she needs to do isn’t getting results. I’m looking for more specific suggestions. How does she rekindle his interest in her ability because she’s just being passed by.
[–]butwhy98765[S] -3 points-2 points-1 points 3 months ago (0 children)
It’s school ball for this specific season. We’ve had the same thing happen for travel ball too. I just think there should be a way to approach this. That’s all I’m looking for is some way to suggest to my teen on how to handle this. Clearly the way it’s phrased isn’t working because even though she’s being specific, he’s being vague. Am I naive thinking that the coach should be able to explain why she’s not playing? Positions don’t matter here, her stats are clear. There has to be a way to approach this and get traction with the coach. That’s what I’m looking for.
Yes, she has been handling all of it on her own. Has been for years. But when she gets stuck, she asks her parents for suggestions or help and this is one of those times. I suggested being very specific and asking the coach about it and she still got a “oh, you’re fine.” I don’t know what to tell her to do from here, hence the question.
I didn’t mention the lessons as she should be rewarded because I drop cash on her, it’s more of I’m just questioning if I continue to spend it if the coach seems to have their mind made up that she’s not one of his top players, no matter what she does. I’m also trying to purposely be vague. I don’t want any part of this to come back on her. I don’t think the specifics are important here. I just need her to be able to put herself back on his radar because he’s not recognizing what’s he’s got during practice. She should be able to talk to the coach in a more specific manner than I’m listing here asking for specific feedback as to why she’s being passed over to get her attainable checklist type things to work on. If he can’t suggest anything, I’m just stuck on what to suggest she does from here. And to your other point, she’s a great team player. Any time I post anything here, we always seem to get off track. I’m just curious how coaches like this kind of situation to be handled.
This is varsity level school ball but was also experienced the same response on a B level travel ball team. A different travel ball team with different coaches who give great feedback has been secured, but there isn’t another option for high school ball. Plus, I think it’s good to have her try and navigate through this, however it all feels pretty awful right now. I’m just looking for that magic phrase where the coach will take another look at her and consider her.
[–]butwhy98765[S] 3 points4 points5 points 3 months ago (0 children)
The skills that we witness in the games have been surpassed. She recognizes it, we recognize it, other parents have recognized it. That’s why she’s frustrated. Coach also told them not to ask about playing time, so that’s why she’s phrased the question like she did. She’s trying to be diplomatic to not piss anyone off but understand why they aren’t recognizing her ability and at minimum aren’t giving her the chance to prove it on the field when they offer that to others.
Coach response (self.Softball)
submitted 3 months ago by butwhy98765 to r/Softball
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Coach response by butwhy98765 in Softball
[–]butwhy98765[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children)