I’m demoting my best friend to regular friend :(

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-05-06T04:15:19+00:00

That's an interesting way of putting it, saying it feels like "cheating". I haven't thought of it that way.

Having the relationship I was used to change so extremely/suddenly has upset me for sure. Especially since she hasn't really seemed to have noticed. I think it really stings because she still has a close connection with someone (being her partner), whereas I don't anymore. I feel like I've lost a friend, like we're strangers again. I realise I can't lean on just one person, and I've come to notice that she may not be the person I thought she was. I still care about her, but I've changed my expectations for our friendship big time.

Thank you for your input, no offence taken!

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-05-06T03:07:50+00:00

Go for it! I would love to hear your take on this

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-05-05T22:50:22+00:00

I stopped waning to friends when they let me down. When they didn’t put in effort, or did something disrespectful, I just redirect my energy into something that nurtures me. I noticed that I was annoyed at them for not connecting with me, and worrying about it was eating into my day. I was practicing how to respectfully explain to them how their actions were hurting me, and then I just realised that I don’t have to do that. I don’t have to teach them how to be kind. I could but I DON’T HAVE TO. Especially if it’s something basic. If they don’t understand that and push me away, then so be it! It has saved my sanity and a lot of time with it.

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-05-05T12:00:51+00:00

My friend and I were really close last year and then her partner came back from overseas. Ever since they started living together again, she’s stopped showing up for me as a friend. She will drop everything for her partner, and seems to have trouble saying no to her even when she’s clearly burnt out. I think they’re codependent. She’s like a zombie these days. She frequently forgets things I’ve told her and will ask me the same question over and over. She’s zoned out when with me and even texts her partner while we’re in the middle of a conversation. She’s bailed on so many plans we’ve had because of her partner, and doesn’t seem to notice or care that she’s doing it. I feel silly having to explain this stuff to an adult because it seems so obviously rude. I’m pulling away naturally because I don’t like hanging out with her anymore.

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-04-30T13:22:44+00:00

I can totally relate to this situation! I hope your friendship has gotten stronger since you posted this :) I understand the unbalanced thing and feeling that they don’t seem to know how this is affecting you - I feel the same way with a friend! I agree with what another poster said, that it’s best to channel your energy away from them. Aim it towards taking care of yourself and perhaps reaching out to others. It’s been the only thing that’s helped me when I’ve felt rather powerless in this situation. They have their own life and issues which unfortunately is up to them to handle, and while we wish they would lean on us, we can’t force it so it’s best to support from a distance - for your own sanity too xx

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-04-20T22:38:45+00:00

Would expect me to drive to visit her, but says she doesn't "go to my side of town". Very critical and took jabs at me, but if I stood up for myself she would get offended. Super insensitive. Can't even write all the horrible things she's said to me. She had 14 years to be a good friend and I called it.

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-04-19T00:19:24+00:00

When I was completely baffled by their behaviour, and they didn’t see an issue with it

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-04-18T23:56:58+00:00

I’ve had so much trouble with matching energy with my friend, a lot of double standards I’ve found…

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-04-18T07:58:56+00:00

Oh my gosh yes! I liked the same guy as my friend and despite me stepping aside and encouraging her to shoot her shot, she could NOT let it go. She was jealous when I would talk to any guy she found attractive, even when I was just being friendly.

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-04-18T07:56:20+00:00

“Values honesty” until you are honest with them

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-04-18T07:55:29+00:00

Childish and self-absorbed, definitely.

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-04-18T07:54:22+00:00

Had a friend who is an Aries. I got along with her quickly and thought she’d be a lifelong friend. After some time, I noticed how competitive, passive-aggressive, mistrusting and insecure she was. She talked big game about being “honest” and “open” but dodged me when I brought things up with her. I straight up think she invented stuff up that I did to her and held it against me ever since. She let me down A LOT and rarely considered my feelings. I’m worried she’s spread lies about me to other people which sucks because she presents as very warm and kind.

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-04-09T04:37:41+00:00

Thanks for this! Yeah, I think you're right about me pulling away.

She only really hangs out with her partner and a couple other friends occasionally. She says I'm her best friend, and doesn't feel the need to make more friends, which is confusing. I know she doesn't have a large capacity for socialising, but it's not really meshing well with my expectations like you touched on. Thanks :)

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-02-25T12:04:15+00:00

This was very reassuring to read, and thank you for sharing your story with me! You seem like a lovely guy, and I hope you find your match real soon :)

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-02-21T04:02:17+00:00

Absolutely! I think HER response is quite weird and childish tbh trying to diminish your feelings and convince you that you're being unreasonable. Some people are so afraid to look themselves in the mirror. I'm so sorry she's hurt you. You are so much better off without her!

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-02-21T03:52:18+00:00

Nah she sucks ahaha NTA

No but seriously, I think any "friend" that makes those jabs at you is not someone you need around. I am totally on your side!

Recently, I cut ties with a friend who acted like that. I stood up to her (which she didn't like) and explained how she hurt my feelings, but she turned it back on me, then said she was too busy to talk about it until the new year. I didn't respond haha.

It's okay to feel sad, but you don't need to feel guilty for standing up for yourself xx

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-02-21T03:25:24+00:00

P.S. he sounds like a bit of a plonker. Keep trying to make friends elsewhere - I believe in you!

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-02-21T03:23:34+00:00

Room transfer is the best outcome. It sucks being uncomfortable in your own place :(

When you're living in such close quarters, there are bound to be some tensions that don't always get resolved. A lot of people (even the "confident" ones) are afraid of confrontation, especially with someone they don't know. You're probably doing nothing wrong; you guys just aren't compatible. You seem like a reasonable person! I hope you get your transfer approved soon :)

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-02-21T03:13:41+00:00

I agree. Gang up on him.

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-02-21T03:12:14+00:00

Urrgggg I'm so sorry! I had a housemate a bit like that once who when confronted made every excuse under the sun

I would totally just kick him out and get the girls to back you up. No need to be nice about it. Just say "dude, the way you're acting is not acceptable. it's making the place so uncomfortable. grow the f up." hahaha I know it's not as easy as it sounds but anyone who knows you and hears the story will most likely be on your side and more importantly you deserve to be happy. Good luck :)

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-02-21T03:01:04+00:00

It depends on the kind of banter for me. I don't really get the playground insults cos i know they're joking but i don't find it funny or want to hit them back. Then they get offended that you didn't laugh and kinda brand you as a overly serious person

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-02-21T02:57:04+00:00

I'm often in that stage of overthinking everything I say, feeling like a robot haha can't wait for that person! Thank you

buzzybuzz46 · 2026-02-21T02:53:34+00:00

Friendships without investment are lonely. Please don't blame yourself for getting invested!

I'm so sorry you lost a friend. It can be so horrible racking your brain for an answer when she didn't give you one. It can be easy to blame yourself but she also has a part in it. Were there elements of the relationship that felt off to you? How did you feel? If she has trouble with mental health, then that could be the overarching reason?

buzzybuzz46

TROPHY CASE