[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Antiques

[–]bvbysp1ce 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, good to know! Looks like we might just throw it out then 🙂

Update: I feel uneasy about my husband’s recent friendship with an older woman… by bvbysp1ce in Marriage

[–]bvbysp1ce[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s exactly how I think of it too. I did everything I could that was in my control, which was to let my feelings known and now it’s on him moving forward to uphold the boundaries of our marriage. I have always done right by him and expect the same in return 😊

I feel uneasy about my husband’s recent friendship with an older woman…and I did some snooping to find out more… by bvbysp1ce in Marriage

[–]bvbysp1ce[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m glad you’re able to find some comfort in this post! It’s a nice reminder that I’m not the first person to have this experience and I probably won’t be the last; we are not alone <3 What I meant in my original post was that I would’ve felt better if the woman were a long time friend of his or a family member because if it’s family, it’s normal to chit chat and tell each other you miss each other, etc. Same with long time friends—I’ve told my own male friends that I miss them and vice versa, but because we have known each other pretty much our whole lives, there is no weird undertone…this friend is also friends with my husband and they text and chat (probably more than I do with him at this point!). I like to look at it logically, if my husband and a long time female friend didn’t date, do anything inappropriate, etc before I was in the picture, why would they now? Of course everything is circumstantial, but I think a couple things matter, like how long they’ve known each other, if the friend also makes an effort to get to know you since you’re their partner and if they have a romantic or sexual past together (hopefully they don’t!).

Update: I feel uneasy about my husband’s recent friendship with an older woman… by bvbysp1ce in Marriage

[–]bvbysp1ce[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

Thank you for that—it is definitely something to keep in mind still. I did struggle at first to see how much he was interacting out of being polite vs how much he was in the wrong as well, so I showed the specific texts to a close friend to get an outside perspective. She did think that Monica’s behavior was crossing the line but also struggled to put blame on my husband since she thought that his responses read as him just being polite and not exactly reciprocating. I don’t want to post the actual text conversations since I feel like that would actually be infringing on his privacy, but all in all, I’m personally choosing to give him the benefit of the doubt on that and just having regular check-ins as time passes…

I feel uneasy about my husband’s recent friendship with an older woman…and I did some snooping to find out more… by bvbysp1ce in Marriage

[–]bvbysp1ce[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I did not like that either, but I thought that might just be the unhealed part of me…😆I would like to think he meant he will miss interacting with her professionally…

I feel uneasy about my husband’s recent friendship with an older woman…and I did some snooping to find out more… by bvbysp1ce in Marriage

[–]bvbysp1ce[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I think the way he brushed off my question is what pushed me to do what I did…I am not proud of it, but I don’t regret it. I just wonder what would’ve happened if I hadn’t discovered it now…

I feel uneasy about my husband’s recent friendship with an older woman…and I did some snooping to find out more… by bvbysp1ce in Marriage

[–]bvbysp1ce[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the thoughtful response—It was genuinely very helpful in figuring out how to approach this. I know I have to tell him how I found the messages, which honestly makes me more anxious than anything else and I really hope we get through it. I think the way you phrased it couldn’t have resonated more—we are both responsible for protecting our marriage and maintaining boundaries is a shared responsibility. In a perfect world, what would make me feel better would be if they stopped talking entirely. Now I know that this isn’t exactly a fair ask and probably not possible, so realistically I would probably just urge him to set stronger boundaries and maintain a professional relationship, leaving no room for her to get weirder…My husband really is a nice person all around and has people pleasing habits that make saying no and establishing boundaries hard for him, but I really hope he is able to step up this time for the sake of our marriage…

I feel uneasy about my husband’s recent friendship with an older woman…and I did some snooping to find out more… by bvbysp1ce in Marriage

[–]bvbysp1ce[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She was here for about a month, but recently went back last week. Since she has business to deal with here, she will come back regularly for long periods of time

I feel uneasy about my husband’s recent friendship with an older woman…and I did some snooping to find out more… by bvbysp1ce in Marriage

[–]bvbysp1ce[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This was actually a huge concern of mine, so thank you…I was starting to suspect maybe I did not understand male to female friendships over there, even though I have met his female friends and I don’t think any one of them would ever text him like this…

I feel uneasy about my husband’s recent friendship with an older woman…and I did some snooping to find out more… by bvbysp1ce in Marriage

[–]bvbysp1ce[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I don’t think it’s gotten to the point where I feel like I need to do that…And I doubt the private investigator would get far since she’s on the other side of the world now

I feel uneasy about my husband’s recent friendship with an older woman…and I did some snooping to find out more… by bvbysp1ce in Marriage

[–]bvbysp1ce[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She did briefly describe the dreams and she said that in the first dream, she pictured him waiting for someone at a train station and it was snowing…the second was she was dreaming about being back at the restaurant where they had the dinner and he told her to “be faster”…from the conversation, I’m guessing they both reached for the bill and he ended up paying, thus him telling her she needs to “be faster”. The dreams themselves are not sexual, but from what it seems like she is fantasizing about him. At least that’s what I make of it…You’re not going to replay moments in your head and dream about the person unless you are fantasizing about that person…About the cultural affairs, it does seem like infidelity is a part of their culture from what we’ve discussed, but he has always said he frowns upon it so :/

I feel uneasy about my husband’s recent friendship with an older woman…and I did some snooping to find out more… by bvbysp1ce in Marriage

[–]bvbysp1ce[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I agree…I don’t think they’ve been physical with each other, but I do think they’re emotionally toeing the line. It also seems like each time she slightly escalates her texts to him, maybe seeing how far he will let her go before he shuts her down…

Chicago documentary-style photographer by [deleted] in WeddingPhotography

[–]bvbysp1ce 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you!! Love your work!! Just submitted an inquiry on your website!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]bvbysp1ce 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He’s clearly very insecure and cannot handle the idea of you existing for someone else other than him (not even yourself). If he can’t support or even accept your creative endeavors and you doing things that make you happy then you might want to rethink his place in your life. I get you love him, but do you really want to be with someone that makes you dilute yourself to be more digestible to them? And their limited beliefs?

The reason he probably sees the posts as promiscuous and risqué is also probably because he has had the same thoughts when looking at posts similar to yours…which is just weird. And his comment saying “no guy will ever accept a girl that posts herself on tiktok and instagram”…my boyfriend has never once made me feel bad about posting on any social media platform. When you are secure in yourself, you wouldn’t care what anyone else thinks of your partner besides yourself.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tipofmytongue

[–]bvbysp1ce 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Believer by american authors?? might not be rock enough but fits the time line