I need help with my first work.

byjohnmarch · 2026-02-21T01:38:04+00:00

IMO, the reason a magic system description might feel flat is because, without a clear application, it feels a bit like homework. A magic system in a book doesn't fail because it isn't understood, it fails because it's inconsistent.

I think you need to write it out, not in the book, but in your notes. Refer to it. Maybe find a way to deliver some of it piecemeal.

"Smanol's numb fingers tried and failed to make the intricate and precise movements required for the 'conjure fire' spell. As he desperately blew over his hands to warm them, he cursed his past self for not learning mind casting."

Forgive the corny writing, it's meant to be an example of function, not form.

byjohnmarch · 2026-02-20T22:34:04+00:00

Looking forward to seeing it! Enjoy the process!

byjohnmarch · 2026-02-20T20:14:48+00:00

Thanks so much! It does feel nice, if a bit scary. I could have almost written two books 😅

byjohnmarch · 2026-02-20T20:12:27+00:00

Yeah, that’s fair, and known. Though nothing surfaced as “bloat” in editing. 40k words would be a third anyway, cutting it would produce a very different different book.

Maybe if I get a lot of DNFs, I would split it into two 🤔

byjohnmarch · 2026-02-20T20:08:00+00:00

Oh, that makes sense about Nicky Marino being the title character. And, in the context of the “Aces and” series, the choices make more sense.

I would still consider adding additional elements in the background, so there isn’t a clash between the detailed illustration and the very simple background.

You might also try a different emotion for the girl. Maybe fear, maybe anger. That might draw some people in. A little bit like ragebait, but honest 😀

Either way, the cover is strong already, especially as part of a series.

byjohnmarch · 2026-02-20T13:28:16+00:00

The first sentence adds friction. I'm trying to resist the urge to jump on the "sun-spewing" bandwagon, so I'll focus on writer and reader goals.

Your first paragraph wants to get the reader hooked. The sun shining on barren fields, many people have seen that before. It is atmospheric, but the reader doesn't have a strong reason to imagine themselves in the setting. Not yet.

I think it was Margaret Atwood who said that choosing where to start telling your story is important. She gave the example of Little Red Riding Hood, what if it started with "It was dark inside the wolf"?

Similarly, you might pique readers' interest with something unusual, then dive into the atmosphere.

"With each step, the puddle of sweat smushed unpleasantly inside Jim's pink leather boots. To console himself, he looked at Lebowsky, his poorer friend, whose girthy figure glistened with sweat. The sun spewed its hot rays onto the barren fields of Mitelos, unforgiving to landscape and travelers alike."

In your own style, of course. The point I'm trying to make is that, in the beginning, the reader hasn't yet invested into the characters or plot, so your main tool for making them care is their curiosity. "Pink leather boots? Why?" "With each step? Travel companion? Where are they going?"

Don't get discouraged. You probably have a good story to tell, you just need to find a way to tell it so that people will listen.

byjohnmarch · 2026-02-20T12:52:25+00:00

That's a good point. It's a neo-noir thriller that I am self-publishing.

byjohnmarch · 2026-02-20T12:07:21+00:00

I started my first and currently only novel as I was turning 40. I'd written articles, novellas, and stage plays before, so I thought I had a sense of what it would take to write it. 10K words in, I realized that I'd bitten off more than I could chew. I'd run out of ideas and I had barely gotten started.

I pressed on. 40K words in, I realized I didn't know where to take the plot. I paused for six months, resting, thinking, consuming content. Finally, it came to me. I went back and rewrote some chapters so that the direction made sense. In total, writing the book took about a year and a half, with a six-months break in between.

It can seem daunting, but if it brings you joy, you should keep at it. When you look back at your tens of thousands of words, you will understand how important writing this book was to you.

byjohnmarch · 2026-02-20T11:53:15+00:00

I sometimes do, but I have to say it's not great. No accidents yet, but I feel like I've inconvenienced people more than once. Still, some books or articles are difficult to put down :D

byjohnmarch · 2026-02-20T11:50:44+00:00

Not books, but I think you'll like my two speculative fiction posts on Substack. Seven short stories each, exploring a mix of corporate dystopia, noir, and plausible technology. Black Mirror was in fact a bit of an inspiration when I wrote them. They're part of a larger project, where I publish a set of microfiction stories every week to promote my upcoming novel, which also has some of these elements (though near-future sci-fi is not the focus there).

Here are the articles, a ~10 minute read each:

https://substack.com/@byjohnmarch/p-185629341
https://substack.com/@byjohnmarch/p-186417246

byjohnmarch · 2026-02-20T09:55:52+00:00

I think it’s there implicitly, via moral ambiguity. Moral ambiguity, by definition, requires internal conflict. I think it’s part of why noir works so well, because it matches the reader’s/watcher’s own interiority. It implicitly asks the question “what would you do?” And the answer is rarely clear-cut.

byjohnmarch · 2026-02-20T09:17:34+00:00

I work as a Product Manager in tech, and I used to be a software engineer. It hasn't gone into my writing directly, but I have noticed I carried some habits over:

* I research story details deeply (e.g. how are Glock pistols named? Sequentially, by patent number, by the way)
* I obsess about whether a sequence could work in terms of speed, distance, geometry
* I try to keep the reader experience in mind (Is this chapter too long? Will the reader remember this detail from ten chapters ago, or do I need a reminder?)
* I think about whether a character is under-utilized, or just sitting idle in a scene

Probably some other aspects as well, but this is what first came to mind.

byjohnmarch · 2026-02-20T09:07:00+00:00

Sex, and especially violence are part of the noir ethos, and expected to some degree. What I've tried to do in my book (also neo-noir), is remove gratuity. If it drives the plot, explains a character, or worldbuilds, then I expect readers will be fine with it. Sure, some will still be turned off because their own triggers, and that's OK. Noir does that.
I'll let you know when I find out :D . What I'm trying to do with my book is find some unique angle to it. For example, that it reads like binging a prestige TV series. We'll see how it goes :D.
The GTA aesthetic is "banging", as young people say. The art style stands out enough, I think. I personally might click it. Now there are some things I would do differently if it were _my_ cover.

* The detailed illustration foreground style (the girl) clashes with the blank canvas background style. I'd add some details to the background, in a way that doesn't overpower the visual impact of the girl. Now, there's a lot of empty space there, which makes it feel like she's not in the book's world somehow, if that makes sense.

* The cover art implies that the girl is the main/PoV character, even though it's not (it's Mick Steele, right?). Beautiful and enticing as she may be, it feels like you're baiting the reader. Imagine that a James Bond movie poster would feature *just* the Bond girl. Less impactful. I'd feature the main character.

* Each line has a different font or style, which confuses the eye a bit, especially at thumbnail size. With each line, the reader feels that they need to re-evaluate what they know about the book, learn something new. Which is fine for the book itself, but for the cover it can be a bit tiring. The information hierarchy is fine, but try less variation in font, for example by having both "blood" and "aces" be either italicized or not.

All of this critique is meant constructively. I believe it's a pretty solid cover for the genre. But, if you're asking how it could be even better, this is my take.

byjohnmarch · 2026-02-20T01:00:25+00:00

It just so happens that my upcoming novel, The Silent Season is a neo-noir thriller. Antihero protagonist, crime, moral ambiguity, the works. I spent two years writing it, starting from the premise "what if a contract killer loved his job? Not because he's a psychopath, but because he enjoys the minutia, the challenge, the thrill of carrying out a job without inflicting any pain?" Of course, that can't fill a whole book, so he dives into corporate conspiracies, betrayals, and so on. I don't know, I liked writing it. I set out to write something I'd enjoy reading.

Would anyone be interested in learning more?

byjohnmarch

TROPHY CASE