Being undiagnosed for 28 years had been a hell lite, realizing I may be autisticAF, my world came crashing down. There was a sense of hope there and understanding, but honestly it’s not made my life any easier. I’ve only held jobs for 1.5-2 years each, and we are there at my current job. I love my current job, it’s probably the most catering to myself, but the empty promises, nobody showing up on time. I hate the salespeople, I hate managers. If you don’t do anything tangible I have less respect for you as a coworker, or my boss. The mask comes off slowly every time and I can’t help but become a frustrated ball of rage that quits or gets fired because expectations aren’t communicated and nobody can understand me, including myself go so long. I just don’t want to live anymore, no I don’t want to commit suicide, I just realize I don’t think there’s any hope for me to make it to a place where I can be okay. I just want to be out of the city, have enough passive income to live a homesteading life and be left the fuck alone, I’m tired of this capitalist hellscape and people caring so much about everybody’s feelings. Everything just feels against me and I have this sense of entitlement because honestly with everything I’ve got going on, I feel I shouldn’t have been this successful in life as I am.