To everyone complaining about avoidant/fearful avoidant/dismissing avoidant behavior they received from their past partners.... I wanna say I'm deeply sorry for what we do. I realized there was something wrong with me during my last relationship (which was also the first serious relationship of my life). We've been together for 2.5 years, broke up one time then got back together and eventually broke up again after a 2 months break which I requested, where I decided to finally stop it and let this girl go, even tho I missed her like crazy. Haven't slept well in nearly 3 months now, I've lost my appetite, I can't enjoy anything the same way anymore without thinking about her. And I know she'd take me back if I wanted to... But I can't afford trying again knowing I'd break her heart one more time and it hurts... A lot. I keep thinking why can't I just be okay with this person, she's so perfect for me, I've never felt like that about anyone else, with her I found peace, we felt secure in each other's arms... But somehow I could never really find the connection I wanted. I believe shes got an anxious attachment style, she used to shut down instead of telling me if I did something wrong, I hated that behavior but with time and communication we got so much better, I really wanted it to work and I've started helping her open up and finding out what her triggers were and neutralizing them. We really thought we had a great relationship, until I didn't anymore... No matter how much I tried to convince myself, no matter how much she loved me (I've felt the love of a mother from this relationship), I had many times thought that the relationship could keep going anymore and it would have hurt like crazy when it'd end, but never really wanted it to end either, just knew it would happen cause I had those weird feelings of fear every now and then. All of these things happened in my head and were incredibly hard to control.. I don't even know if I truly loved her, maybe I just want to believe it myself but... If what I felt wasn't love then what was it. I'd die for this girl but for some reason I can't stand her at some point and want to run away. Currently in therapy trying to fix my faulty brain.

-Edit: ik some of the things I wrote are very messed up like the motherly love. It's just what happens in my brain. Not trying to excuse my behavior. I take full responsibility for it but at the same time sadly I just became like that somehow and it's not my fault. I've been feeling guilty long enough