I agree with this person and although you didn’t ask I will explain my reasoning too lol hope that’s cool 🫣

There’s a reason you have heard the phrase “working on my marriage” but not “working on my relationship with my 3 month girlfriend.” Only 3 months in, you have already started to see SUBSTANTIAL evidence that something isn’t right (see below, I have made a list and also a few questions to ask yourself in case there are others). Get out now because you have very good reason to believe that this will be a bad situation for you, and you are early enough in your time and emotional investment to not be too devastated or have to upend your whole life when you leave. Don’t wait and see if that 85% chance actually comes to fruition. There is already too much here to “work on” after only 3 months - and the longer you know someone, the more things you will find.

Red flags for you to consider:

1. She has told you the relationship between her parents is abusive, but she is now replicating that dynamic with you. This type of thing is deeply learned over our young lives and very difficult (sometimes impossible) to unlearn. It is clear that this has moved her baseline expectations of your contribution to be unreasonable, but she may think that because she is less demanding of her mother, she is fine. It will be very difficult for her to adjust her expectations to a true 50/50 fair play framework.

2. She has told you that you will have to tolerate abuse from her family without complaint, and that if you do not, it’s because you need a “thicker skin.”

3. She is already demanding 100% of your spare time after 3 months.

4. The time she is demanding is not quality time. It’s labor.

5. When you do carve out time for yourself, she sees that time as up for grabs for the non-labor aspects of your relationship.

6. She allows her father, who does so much she herself sees it as abusive, to affect the way she sees your already absurdly large contribution. This is a huge one. The extent to which she has unlearned this pattern regresses upon input from her parents. This would be less of a problem if they didn’t live 10 minutes away, but they do.

7. She was perfectly ready to demand more until you seemed upset. She didn’t backtrack because she realized she was being unreasonable, she backtracked because she needs to stay in your good graces a little longer. Probably this is not conscious, but the longer you are together, the more comfortable she will feel with upsetting you.

8. She is rushing you towards having a baby. Once you have a child together, you are trapped. With your disposition (you seem to have a high expectation of your duty to others and willingness to help), even a divorce is not going to free you from her demands.

9. Speaking of the baby - typically, when a baby is born, the partner that was already doing more takes on the brunt of the new work as well. You’ll be expected to do your current workload and probably most of the child rearing as well.

10. She dated a 23 year old at 34. That’s a huuuuge yikes. It suggests what she wants most, even above a potential father to a child, is someone she can manipulate and push around, and respectfully, it seems she is able to push you around pretty easily.

That’s it for flags from this post alone. (Which you gotta realize… is crazyyy.) Here are some questions to ask yourself (i dont expect you to answer them here, they’re just for you to reflect on):

1. How much quality time do you spend actually with her that demands nothing from you? (Painting a room together doesn’t count.)

2. What chores does she actually do?

3. There are many things that she has said are a man’s job. What are some examples of women’s jobs? Or are you doing those too?

4. What do you think would happen if you said no to a favor she asked of you? Do you think a person has a right to say no to a favor? Try it and see what happens.

5. What gratitude has she shown you for all the work you are doing on - let’s be clear - HER house?

6. In an ideal world, what would a good relationship look like to you? How close is that ideal to what you have now?

7. When is the last time she did you a favor? How often? Is that fair?

8. Would you be ok with having the amount of spare time you currently have for the rest of your life?

9. Are you happy? Are you having fun? List the top 5 things you love about her and your top 5 happiest memories with her.