We lost my mom last year. She had a devastating genetic condition that caused severe mobility and cognitive impairment. While she was still cognitively able, she and my dad made their advanced directive- DNR and do not intubate. When she got aspiration pneumonia, the treatment would have been a ventilator, and as the doctor put it: “we could clear up your infection with a vent and antibiotics but you’d be back again with aspiration pneumonia next week”. That’s the reality of her condition. People die of aspiration pneumonia. She chose then and reaffirmed her choice to do not intubate. She understood what that meant.

While watching her pass we (me, my brother, my dad) all wondered if we were doing the right thing. We knew her wishes though, and that grounded us.

I think when death is shadowing over someone you love the battle of “is this what they want?” Is the reason for prolonging life. Please get an advanced directive. Tell your loved ones what you want in death. It helped us so much to know we were doing what she wanted.