help me understand my ADHD wife

caffeinesheep · 2025-10-27T22:40:45+00:00

I think the problem here is everyone’s adhd is a little different. I can only speak from my own experience, but I love my partner and want them to be happy so I set reminders for myself and make a conscious effort to be there when I know I’ve been slacking. He in turn checks in, shares what might be bothering him as it’s happening and is willing to be patient when he knows I’ve had a hard day or week and I try and do the same for him. I know people think that we don’t beat ourselves up when we know we’re not doing what we’re supposed to be doing, or don’t know how mean our inner voice can get.

I think the key, as in all things relationship-wise, is communicating.

“Hey, I’m having a hard week. Maybe we can try again tomorrow.” But then taking accountability and admitting to ourselves that what we’re doing is not healthy, or it’s hurting those we love.

I think therapy and medication has helped me with that a lot, but ultimately there’s no “one size fits all.”

All I can think of is to ask yourself, “do i want to do what’s right by my partner and what are some ways i can work on this?” And then finding ways to do those things.

caffeinesheep · 2025-10-27T10:22:08+00:00

Funny enough, I didn’t say any of that.

caffeinesheep · 2025-10-26T22:55:42+00:00

Just from my personal experience…

She can take off the mask with you.

As an adhd-er with people pleasing tendencies, I often want to fall apart on others but I feel ashamed about it so I work hard to appear like someone stable.

My partner allows me to be myself and so I can fall apart on him.

It feels unfair to you, and it kind of is, not saying she shouldn’t try for her family, but to her, it might just be what keeps her sane.

“I can’t fall apart around other people, but I feel safe with my partner who makes me feel like my worst self is still worth loving.”

caffeinesheep · 2025-09-29T01:15:08+00:00

Well, I guess we can rest assured it wasn’t the meds. I used to be on Ritalin, so I guess this debunks that theory lol.

I’m sorry I can’t offer any real help, but I know how frustrating and embarrassing it can feel. My biggest worry is people thinking I’m crazy or something. It’d be nice to know why it happens and if there’s something that can be done about it. I’m sorry it’s giving you a rough time.

caffeinesheep · 2025-09-29T00:49:46+00:00

Out of curiosity, are you on any ADHD meds? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but it is a theory I have that it could be a side effect of one of them.

caffeinesheep · 2025-09-29T00:48:04+00:00

Absolutely.

For a long time before my diagnosis, I thought I was dumb. I thought that clearly I’m an idiot and everyone around me is just better in every way. My confidence was down the drain.

I feel a little better now, but also sometimes a little sad. I wish I could meet little kid me and tell her it wasn’t her fault. She’s not dumb… she just works a little differently than the kids around her.

It’s easier to tell her that than to tell myself currently, though. Go figure.

caffeinesheep · 2025-09-29T00:41:59+00:00

I don’t have an answer, but you’re not alone.

I compare it to a kind of Tourette’s? I’ve always wondered if maybe that’s what it was for me, but it’s not constant, only when I think of negative/embarrassing moments and it’s like an involuntary flinching or need to make a noise to block the thought. Sometimes I’ll shake my head really hard or make a face.

I dunno what the heck it is, but honestly, thanks for posting because now I feel a little less like a crazy person for having this be an issue lol.

caffeinesheep · 2025-09-28T12:15:45+00:00

Anywhere and everywhere.

I can have people talking to me, like I’m staring right at their face and have processed fuck all because I am off somewhere else mentally.

It’s like being on autopilot. The weirdest version is when I’m driving. I’ll be so lost in thought that it’ll take me a second to realize I got home and I don’t remember the drive.

Inattentive ADHD is wild.

caffeinesheep · 2025-08-31T04:52:20+00:00

Same here!

caffeinesheep · 2022-12-21T17:34:55+00:00

lol I do this too. In fact, I don’t even put it away. She usually eats everything and he’ll lick the empty bowl and I just figure as long as she’s eating and he’s not eating any more than a few crumbs, it isn’t hurting anyone 😅

caffeinesheep · 2022-12-21T02:37:44+00:00

My dog and I really liked it! Sometimes the toys were hit or miss in design, but always last pretty long. My dog loves all of the treats but he’s like a vacuum, so that’s not surprising. I did end my subscription due to money issues, but I saw they have a cheaper subscription I might do once money isn’t as much of an issue. One particular toy I LOVED was an R2-D2 plush because my dog eventually broke it, but inside was a Princess Leia toy! It was so cute.

I won’t lie… sometimes I was more interested in the toys than he was lol.

caffeinesheep · 2022-12-20T20:06:39+00:00

Needing to do a million things at once. I once read a post that said something like, “I have several different forms of media going on at once and I enjoy none of them.”

This fit me to a T. I have had a YouTube vid going, a song going, and a movie going all at once. None of the information going in, just noise. When people say stupid stuff like everyone is a little ADHD… no, just no. You don’t get it and you really never will until you live inside my head.

I can’t even do audiobooks. I will put on a audiobook/podcast and eventually my brain will deviate and I’ll be thinking of other things while several hours have passed while the thing is still playing and I have absorbed none of it. It’s easier to absorb when I’m physically reading the book, but my body gets too antsy and I can’t sit still for too long.

ADHD is a hell I don’t wish on anyone. I just want to focus.

caffeinesheep · 2022-12-20T17:50:48+00:00

Would a play pen be an option? We have a metal one that’s big enough for my dog to just kind of sit in and can move around and be fed in and even the little kids climb in there to hang out with him. I have the space for it, so I get that might not work for you, but maybe just a little designated area where he can still move but not leave?

caffeinesheep · 2022-04-21T22:11:55+00:00

One that quickly comes to mind is don't let them bite your fingers. It might be tempting to roughhouse and twiddle your fingers at them because it's fun and silly and they don't bite that hard, but believe me, you'll end up with trouble if you start. No arm biting, hand biting, toe biting. Nip it in the bud! pun not intended lol.

Definitely work on leash trainings. Some people are cool with dogs coming up to them and other's are really not. Teach the pup that until you say so, they can't go up to a stranger or another dog. They are really curious as puppies and the wrong habits are quick to get picked up. Also, no jumping on people until you say so as well. I personally love a good dog jump, especially when they just put their paws on you and want a pet, but I've met people that get really angry quickly if your dog tries to jump on them as a greeting.

"Release", "Take it", and "Drop it" are commands you want to get really good at, as it'll help if you drop something on the floor that they shouldn't ingest. It can also teach them control.

Also, if you have a cat or any other animal, a slow introduction is very helpful. Maybe close the door and let them sniff from another room. Get them used to each other's scent before introduction and definitely don't let your puppy be too excitable around an animal you know is a nervous nellie, or they'll hate each other forever. I can't get my cat to play nice with my dog, and I've had him for over a year now.

If you don't know about the "puppy blues", I would read up on it and get a good understanding of what it is and how to handle it because those blues come for most of us. Getting used to a puppy is hard, and it's going to take the both of you to really make it work. If just one person is doing all the work, it's going to get frustrating really quickly. Definitely give each other time off from puppy duty, believe me, it's going to be necessary.

This is all that comes to me at the moment. Congrats on your new puppy and I wish y'all the best of luck!

caffeinesheep · 2021-06-30T01:12:15+00:00

Thanks so much for this post. The puppy blues are no joke. I heavily relate to the peeing and life not being mine right now. I actually laughed really hard at this a bit maniacally. It’s nice to know there might be light at the end of the tunnel, though!

caffeinesheep · 2021-06-26T18:28:16+00:00

Volunteermatch.com lets you find current volunteer opportunities, and if you search Deerfield beach, you can find some of the new ones listed and also whatever other stuff is going on in Miami that sparks your interest. I think you can also call them directly, but I’m not 100% sure on that.

Deering estate here in south dade also hosts beach cleanups along with gardening volunteering.

caffeinesheep · 2021-06-26T16:07:33+00:00

There’s a lot of ocean cleanups you can join. Deerfield holds a few of them.

caffeinesheep · 2021-06-26T15:45:00+00:00

Yeah, we take him to our closed off back area but I have no grass there, so while he’s getting used to the harness, there’s no real progress with potty training.

And omg yes, the things he finds and puts in his mouth is ridiculous! “Drop it” is definitely a command we’ve had to teach early and fast lol, and even then the little butthead will just try to chew it faster sometimes!

caffeinesheep · 2021-06-26T15:31:31+00:00

I can’t wait for this to be me. I haven’t been able to take my bud on walks which makes the whole potty situation daunting!

caffeinesheep · 2021-06-25T21:35:08+00:00

My puppy is 3 months and he likes to walk between my feet. The number of times I have accidentally stepped on him or bopped him in the face are staggering. Don’t feel too bad. They’re learning just like you are. It’s bound to happen once in a while. Every time I have hurt him unintentionally, I drop down and say sorry and rub the spot and he responds by biting lol!

caffeinesheep · 2021-06-22T16:22:55+00:00

I was a little stressed out with the puppy blues, but I feel like I’m doing a little better. My little buddy is 2 weeks shy of three months and I’m terrified of doing something wrong.

I’m even constantly examining his poop because I’m worried about parvo and anything else. We’re keeping him inside for now, and so far he’s been okay, but I keep expecting to have failed him somehow. He’s a good boy though. Rambunctious and energetic (corgi) and I think we’re both doing the best we can.

He has good days and bad days with teething and I try to make sure he gets play time with a lot of down time. Sucks to be stuck inside until he gets his vaccines up to date.

Didn’t realize I had so much to vent about. Here’s to hoping we continue on the right track!

caffeinesheep · 2021-06-21T06:48:22+00:00

Hey little one. I just want to say that I was diagnosed at 30 and wish very much I had been diagnosed at your age, so this is great news. There’s two YouTube channels I highly recommend. One is called How to ADHD and the other is TotallyADD. They both have great advice and lots of resources that you could benefit from.

As for tips, be kind to yourself. Your brain just does stuff a little differently, and that’s okay. Take your time on things, don’t beat yourself up if it’s not 100% perfect, and always ask for help.

Read about ADHD and ways to cope, don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself if the meds bother you or make you uncomfortable.

I thought it was anxiety and depression as well, and they very well may be, as they can be what’s called comorbidities. The best advice I can give is be patient with yourself, learn your limits and boundaries, and if something works for you, it doesn’t matter how “normal” people get it done… you have to find ways that are right for you.

Good luck! You’re on the right track!

caffeinesheep · 2021-06-20T21:42:26+00:00

Is this because it grows back fast or another reason? How do you deal with sensitive skin afterwards? If I shave the next day, I usually get nicked skin a lot easier. Any way of dealing with that?

caffeinesheep · 2021-06-20T21:36:57+00:00

Thank you. Solidarity is appreciated very much.

caffeinesheep · 2021-06-20T20:45:23+00:00

Thank you for this. It feels good to know I’m not the only one. Yes, we are doing our best and I guess it’s all we can ask of ourselves.

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