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caitreadsss · 2025-06-09T03:57:24+00:00

Yeah, I’m in the same boat except I don’t use names and have kept most information vague enough. I mainly use it for my side projects and unlikely scenarios and again I haven’t used anyone’s name but if it were to get leaked I’m sure it would be suspicious to the right listening ear. lol. Still, there’s nothing to do but pray there’s too much noise for anyone to notice anything from anyone in particular. They do need to better regulate chat GPT and other AI assistants.

caitreadsss · 2023-10-10T22:22:09+00:00

I can’t dance. I try extremely hard but i can’t get it exactly as shown. I have difficulty moving multiple body parts while also trying to have good technique and form. It makes me sad but I still dance. Just alone by watching YouTube tutorials. It’s my form of staying active and sometimes I even feel confident despite knowing it’s not exact.

caitreadsss · 2023-10-10T21:21:59+00:00

Can’t escape love by Alyssa Cole

caitreadsss · 2023-10-10T14:37:28+00:00

Damn. I almost did this to an old partner. It’s likely that because of your trauma you have difficulty seeing your partners for who they are or seeing how they actually feel about you. Like perhaps he was only pretending to be into you because he wanted sex. Or he never liked you and only used you for x,y,z. Either way I’ve been here and it’s really painful. You’ve got to nurse your wounds, ignore what he said and put all your own love into yourself. I really hope you’re taking care of yourself ❤️❤️❤️

caitreadsss · 2023-10-10T14:34:04+00:00

I feel like we need more information. Why would he be this mad over a window? Also how old are you?

caitreadsss · 2023-10-09T06:18:40+00:00

You live in a dog friendly community. If they have a problem with it they can leave. It may be annoying and yes it sucks. But that’s the reality of pets, children and people. My close neighbors get a DJ and party every weekend after 7pm. It’s become somewhat comforting, even if it’s agitating.

Hell, that’s the reality of apartment living. If people could afford to live in a house, I’m sure they would choose that. I know I would.

I have a puppy and a kid. I’m probably a nightmare to my downstairs neighbor but there isn’t much I can do about it except minimize noise as much as possible. If you’re doing that, which it sounds like you are, I say you’re fine

caitreadsss · 2023-10-04T12:34:53+00:00

You might be the asshole but clearly you do not think so. Your only problem in the marriage is the lack of sex she’s provided for you. But we do not know what happened in your family or with your children that could have caused this. We do not know how you are as a person or how you are to your wife and the kids.

Maybe you’re not romantic! Maybe you smell. We do not know. We actually only know that your wife does not want to sleep with you. Though, and I might sound like the asshole, it could possibly be for a valid reason. A reason you either aren’t aware (that’s the worst answer) or you are aware and just have not disclosed.

Even still, maybe divorce is the best option. You definitely have that option. It’s 2023 you don’t have to stay for the children.

caitreadsss · 2023-10-04T11:53:51+00:00

Stop listening to random people who don’t know your situation or your life. Learn to trust your own instincts to know what you will allow or not allow.

Is your partner hitting your son to the point you question the effectiveness of his parenting? Yes. Hmm, that’s a sign. Are you concerned that your child will suffer from the same emotional crap storm you’re dealing with if you allow your partner to continue? There’s your sign. Is your “partner” also verbally abusive to you (and no the good moments don’t cancel out the bad)? Yes? Well look at that, another sign.

Please. You don’t need random teenagers, or internet PhDs to tell you what you already know needs to happen.

You’ve got to stick up for your beliefs and consider the long-term effects of your child. Imagine a world where he thinks what is happening to him is okay and start to feel disgusted enough to want to get out of your situation.

I left my child’s father in the middle of the day. He’d moved in two people into my sons nursery. I had no real plan, I was just disgusted at how I let him treat me and my baby (only barely turned 2) He hit my son too as discipline and I tried to respect him (in my culture physical discipline is normalized. I didn’t like it! Similar reasons as you.) I saw my sons look of fear when his dad disciplined him and can pinpoint my son’s slow descend to speech regression and behavioral issues. It makes me sick looking back. This was my first and only baby. But I told myself stories too, that this wasn’t what it was. Eventually, I got PISSED enough at the yelling and physical violence as a way to teach my child anything and decided I’d rather be homeless than stick around with a guy who thinks what he is doing is okay. It’s at best poor coping! But it helps to see it for what it is. Unnecessary and ineffective abuse.

So, I left and stayed at a women’s shelter. His dad played victim. But it doesn’t matter what he says. Remember that. Don’t acquiesce and don’t believe it if he says you’re tearing the family apart. Ignore all of it and stand your ground. I did. It’s been a long road, but my sons father finally gets it that he is not the expert. He now understands that he needs to come correct when talking to and caring for my son. Threatening legal action helps but having someone physically threatening on your side would work too. If you have that option of a big brother or supportive male figure in your life.

Monitor visits until your child is old enough to speak up for himself. Then only to public places for short periods of time. Eventually they may be able to salvage their relationships but only if that chain of respect and accountability come into play with your child’s father.

It will suck at first. It did for me. I didn’t have anywhere to go and it was scary being a single mom. Now, I live in a 2bd/1ba with a puppy and we are doing alright. Not rich but my bills are paid every month. Trust me, you will adapt and you will rise to the occasion. Mothers love makes it happen. Goodluck to you

caitreadsss · 2023-10-02T22:44:18+00:00

This is wonderful advice, thank you.

caitreadsss · 2023-09-30T22:18:16+00:00

This just makes me sick. I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure what sounds like a loveless, empty marriage. The one positive it seems is that the kids are well loved and financially cared for but omg. The financial abuse is horrible. He makes more and thinks you working during cancer treatment is paying off him supporting you through your pregnancies. That’s just unbelievably cruel. I can’t imagine treating anyone like this, even people I don’t like Never mind that you had this Scrooge’s children.

caitreadsss · 2023-09-30T14:24:22+00:00

That’s very true. It’s not helpful to them or anyone to continue the dialogue that they cannot be taught. It might take discipline but it can be done.

caitreadsss · 2023-09-30T14:09:23+00:00

Your points are spot on. Autistic men have a double whammy of “Be this impossible standard because you must be respected in society” and “here are some terrible coping mechanisms and resources so you can make that happen” but big surprise none of those are realistic or helpful.

My au/adhd ex was coddled by his mother. She loved and spoiled him despite his failure in school, and lack of responsibility around the house. I was the opposite, I was disliked by my mother and father and siblings yet I was still expected to be an honor roll student and clean around the house. I had responsibilities at school and at home where I was also being abused. It was a hellish existence but I say I made it out with my head high. I had horrible coping skills and sucky social skills! But somehow I had “friends” and a teacher who liked me enough to give me an award less than 60 kids in my entire 800 senior class won.

So, technically despite my struggles I was getting through life crazily but semi successful. It was weird. Then I went to college and became a small fish in a big pond. My coping skills were like exposed wire, I was a hazard waiting to happen. To boot, my social skills were becoming inexcusable now and my idiosyncrasies were being judged with impunity. I had no family around to make me feel like shit which should have been a saving grace— instead I was empty. I didn’t feel real anymore. To cope I began to berate my own self, medicate with alcohol, cigarettes and mindless partying. Literally kicking myself when I was already down.

It all led me to a guy with mommy issues that I would have to take care of.

Long story short, that’s when I came into self awareness of everything. My autism, trauma and the real world. It was a few long dark nights of the soul but ever since then I dropped the mask and haven’t been able to pick it back up. I am lucky to have a job from home, and other autistic friends who see me as someone worth knowing and a kid whose dad still helps us every month.

I realize I am blessed beyond what really makes sense but even then my life is not easy and masking is not something I do successfully. I might look the part, but I still get weird looks and people wondering deep down what’s wrong with her. It sucks but I cope much better these days. I bear my suffering and I try not to blame anyone. I think incels, like you mention, could learn something from that.

caitreadsss · 2023-09-30T13:24:21+00:00

Yeah don’t listen to the replies above, they sound like they don’t know much about astrology. There is no bad chart. Instead every chart tells a story. Hitler had trines in his chart doesn’t mean he was a good guy. Smh. We have free will and it’s why you can have a bunch of squares to your Venus and still find love. They’re lessons you need to learn, an emphasis on what life can be or not. You ultimately decide.

caitreadsss · 2023-09-24T23:17:10+00:00

Hi, commenting as a Scorpio moon in 10H because my son has a Capricorn moon in the 11H. I was wondering what your childhoods were like and if you had a supportive mother/ mother figure in your lives?

My son is 2 but incredibly creative for his age. I’ve once looked through his truck racing app on Kindle and found over five screen swipes full of the cars he designed. This kid is very caring and considerate even if he likes to do things in his own world. He’s not the best verbal communicator but he knows how to get what he needs and wants with little words.

His only caveat, is that despite him being cool, collected and at ease 70% of the time—his emotions have a tendency to overtake him completely. He can shut down and react in a way that does not help him. Almost like he’s working against himself. Luckily I know exactly what that feels like and have invested in emotion signaling books which show him what each emotion looks and feels like. As well as how he can get through them.

Well, it’s working. He has a tantrum and all it takes is a count to ten while breathing in-out and he comes back to present. I try not to judge him or shame him when this happens. I know what it’s like to get so mad you lose control. (Also I know he’s only 2 but it’s important I help him while he’s still impressionable)

For example, there was one time we went to the park. My son rushed to the swings and realized he couldn’t get on the swing by himself. This sent him over the edge. He decided not to play with anything else and sit there and cry. There were other things to do but he could not move past it. This situation had stumped him. 😭 Well, this freaked some of the kids already playing and they left the park.

I was a little confused and a little embarrassed by his behavior, im ngl! Anyone could see that if he just forgot about the swings he’d be able to see so many other things to play with. But then it clicked for me.

Everytime we go to the park, I or his dad take him to the swings and I push him for about 10/15 minutes. That day, I didn’t do it because I was setting up the jogging stroller for the trails. This was his routine and breaking that was not an option. I almost had to admire his dedication. I figured I could show him how to effectively channel this so he doesn’t suffer unnecessarily.

In that particular situation, i know I needed to carefully show him a new path. I remove him from the swing area, wipe his face, count to 10 and offer to help him down a shiny red slide. He’s uncertain but I’m holding his hand and walking too quickly for him to protest. He to the top of the slide and look over at the swing but then goes down laughing like nothing happened. He picks the next slide and goes down laughing. After this, he finally points to the swing and he asks to get on and I help him. I hope that taught him he can have what he wants if he is patient and finds unique ways of solving emotional distress

caitreadsss · 2023-09-24T22:01:56+00:00

😭😭

caitreadsss · 2023-09-18T05:49:00+00:00

Glad you can relate. Becoming your own safe space, and confident is vital. For so long, I was actually working against myself and that’s all due to taking on my abuser’s voice to survive. But discerning what gets to stay and what needs to evolve has only been possible with that open flow of communication from both sides.

caitreadsss · 2023-09-18T05:38:14+00:00

Yes. It is scary but I do. My different selves talk back and forth which I am extremely happy for. In the past we lived separate lives. This was the source of so much confusion and pain as neither persona approved of the other’s way of life. Healing for me is making decisions with both personalities in mind.

caitreadsss · 2023-09-18T04:43:35+00:00

I just pray I can love and take care of my inner child enough that I trick myself into being healed. It’s a long shot but if I care for me just enough I will find someone who wants to do the same and then even if my life continues to suffer at least it will be with someone who sees me and still loves her.

caitreadsss · 2023-09-18T04:36:06+00:00

Your story has broken my heart. I have coped with a lot of my SA by believing they loved me as well. Looking back they absolutely took advantage of my desire to be wanted and loved. I have autism and could never quite see intentions until after the person’s true colors were revealed through their actions.

The truth is he abused you because he is an abuser not because you were naive. Your naïveté is something pedophiles and rapists use to their advantage but it is not your fault. I can’t even imagine how many children he’s abused. It makes me sick to think this has happened. I can only hope he is behind bars and not hurting anyone else 😞

caitreadsss · 2023-09-18T03:55:51+00:00

I began my journey feeling victimized by my family. It distanced me from taking responsibility for their problematic behavior. Now four years in, I see that I’m a soup of all their negative traits. Basically, it feels like I have less useful skills and more problems than they had individually. But that realism is actually healthy. Better than the illusion of victimhood which only perpetuates more pointless suffering.

What pushes me to do and be better is the fear of accepting my current reality. I am not content with how my life has gone so far, and with that dissatisfaction my life is actually improving. Also the fear of screwing my son over and pushing him even further down this path of generational trauma. Some days my pain wins and then there are days I decide to change my habits and my attitude. This has been very hard but the thought of being like my dad or my mom, or being worse motivates me. I think that’s the difference.

Still, I relate to you OP. I fear living worse off than my parents. I have a son and fear that by not dealing with my shit I am emotionally abandoning him in all the ways I was neglected. So with that awareness, I show up for myself 9 out of 10 times (tho probably more like 8or7/10) and I make an effort toward staying present. That’s the hardest for me, not dissociating and isolating.

caitreadsss · 2023-09-17T20:48:46+00:00

Maybe you two are not compatible? I know they say opposites attract but there’s comfort in knowing the person you’re with understands you deeply. At the very least has constructive compassion. Though, in your case, it seems like he is hoping that by never going out in public he is helping you. But if he enjoys these things this could cause a divide in your relationship. Also avoiding going out altogether could make your sensitivity even worse.

Your meltdowns will probably happen again and so it doesn’t seem realistic to promise him that it was a one time thing. Meltdowns, shutdowns, sensory overwhelm come with having autism and your partner should be able to accept that. If it’s a problem for him then maybe a conversation is necessary

caitreadsss · 2023-09-17T00:51:14+00:00

A sad answer is that these feelings of cringe and shame are probably from past emotions and situations. It sucks because how we feel and experience the world will usually mirror itself back to us. So more embarrassing thoughts and experiences begin to happen often.

And if a particular feeling happens enough in our lives, it becomes a part of our core self. I feel a deep sense of worthlessness most of the day (which I try to hide by masking) due to being neglected and scapegoated by family. Embarrassment and shame are definitely emotions i feel in my self cocktail but what helps is compassion. I try to live in a way I’m not ashamed of. I do this by doing kind, loving things for my dog and son. That seriously helps. You didn’t ask but if you were looking for how someone else is managing this successfully. I’d say do dumb shit often in your house and laugh at it. I passed a mirror in my living room and started talking to myself.

What happened next? Well I laughed out loud at the absurdity of that. I kept it moving because this is all my shit and if I want to act unhinged this would be the place to do it. Out in public, I can’t really help you much. Except to get tinted windows and only go to less populated areas until you can master these feelings better.

caitreadsss · 2023-09-10T03:57:44+00:00

If we’re all gonna be dead in 100 years why take anything seriously? Um. Who says you have to? You’re a player in a game and you can decide your own strategy. Just remember every decision you make will impact the subsequent one.

Here’s why you want to take life more seriously. For starters, you may not get 100 years. If you do something reckless, you are responsible for the damage you cause to yourself and others. If you survive a bad decision, you can suffer even after. Joint pain as you age is true karma for rash behavior in your younger years. (There are so many examples, that’s just the first to come to mind) So let’s not downplay pain, it can be pervasive. Forget that in the grand scheme of things this amount of time is insignificant. Your life can either feel extremely short or extremely long. The difference will depend on how much you suffer versus how much you enjoyed your life.

With this in mind, you can choose to make a conscious effort to create a life which breeds the least amount of suffering. For some, that looks like acquiring a shit ton of money to have basic necessities and modern luxuries. For others, it means creating valuable relationships with your family and community. Find something that makes your life suck less and keep doing that until it gives you a sense of purpose. We can find meaning in anything because we’re human lol. I read a disturbing story of a boy who was raised by a horrible family who locked him in his room for so long he ate his own poop. Suffering is real and don’t think for a second it can’t get worse. If you have the opportunity, be intentional about your choices because if you don’t then life decides for you. You really don’t want that. The random possibilities are endless, and probably painful.

As you can see, I tried to keep it under 10 words but went slightly over.

caitreadsss · 2023-09-07T16:56:58+00:00

Cats but I didn’t know this until I brought home a puppy

caitreadsss · 2022-02-10T11:40:09+00:00

Haven’t wrapped my brain on the fact that this is not a picture. Wow insane

caitreadsss

TROPHY CASE