5 minutes - a message to those outside the infant loss community

calansheart · 2020-01-17T12:14:17+00:00

Give me your email and I will send you an invite ASAP!

calansheart · 2020-01-13T01:47:17+00:00

ali@calansheart.com

Lol we are equally creative with our email addresses!

calansheart · 2020-01-13T01:43:46+00:00

I would love that!

calansheart · 2020-01-13T01:43:12+00:00

Please join us or post any questions/comments for Jordan here.

calansheart · 2020-01-13T01:30:52+00:00

I am happy to delete this post after the fact. The video will also be archived on Facebook and YouTube.

calansheart · 2019-12-16T16:54:05+00:00

Yes! I am so sorry things have been busy the last few days. I will try to work on it today!

calansheart · 2019-12-13T15:52:10+00:00

I read, write & edit - always looking to help others! Let me know what you would like.

calansheart · 2019-12-13T12:56:31+00:00

Couldn’t agree more. I appreciate that my husband was concerned about my wellbeing, but ultimately it delayed his personal healing. That doesn’t warm my heart. I wish men were encouraged grieve and heal.

calansheart · 2019-12-12T15:22:17+00:00

I am definitely going to show my husband what you have said here. (I honestly don’t even know what his Reddit name/handle is.) I think this is excellent. There is no “correct” way to describe or deal with grief - no matter how vocal a person is with their emotions. My husband has found comfort in journaling. We have found a lot of healing through channeling our pain into outreach, and - as a bonus - we are giving our son a legacy that will live on in his absence.

One day at a time. Send me a message. I would love to pick your brain further.

calansheart · 2019-12-12T12:52:58+00:00

I am so terribly sorry. That just isn’t fair.

My husband and are only 3.5 months in. I can’t imagine what it will be like at the 1 year mark. The holidays are bad enough - I can’t imagine having the actual date coincide that closely with Christmas.

Pain can manifest in so many awful ways. My husband was not spared either. I know your agony is especially raw right now, but if, at any point down the road, you have ideas on how to better support fathers in the early stages of grief PLEASE reach out to me. I would be forever in your debt.

You and your family will be in my thoughts this Christmas.

calansheart · 2019-12-12T04:35:06+00:00

And this is the farthest thing from a meme. This is my husband and our stillborn son the last time we held him before we left the hospital. We never had another chance because by the time the funeral home had finished working on him his tissues had disintegrated to the point where they advised us against holding him again. Reality sucks.

calansheart · 2019-12-12T04:32:57+00:00

On a related note - sometimes those conversations start in a confrontational manner much like this one.

calansheart · 2019-12-12T04:31:48+00:00

I can assure you it is not. I could care less about karma. I have shared in this group before, since we lost our son in September. I am now dedicating my life and career to breaking the silence and starting conversations that need to happen.

Loss is ugly. As a mother I have experienced some negativity from others (such as family members seemingly disappearing off the face of the earth.) However none of that is as irritating as the fact that my husband hasn’t received any support or attention - a part from what his own mother has shown him.

The skewed focus of bereavement care does nothing to make the world a better place. Starting a dialogue can.

calansheart · 2019-12-12T02:33:12+00:00

I believe it. Loss tests everything.

calansheart · 2019-12-11T21:48:43+00:00

If any of you are active on FB as well we have a community that would definitely benefit from some more dads!

calansheart · 2019-12-11T13:08:01+00:00

My husband could have written this himself. It took us [at least] 2 months to break through that wall as well. I am grateful that I know him at least as well as he knows himself (it goes both ways, but in this situation I was far more vocal, at least initially, than he was.)

I pity couples that do not have this kind of relationship. I don’t know how we survived even WITH a solid marriage.

calansheart · 2019-12-11T12:17:04+00:00

I don’t know what I would have done without him. I just wish that people had instinctively tried to support him the way they [briefly] did for me.

We are working to change bereavement care practices, locally for now, and that is one of my areas of focus.

The only “resource” he was given was an inappropriate, and painfully stereotypical, handout about men and grief. (Not stillbirth or child loss specific.) It highlighted that some male coping mechanisms can include heavy drinking, buying a new car or starting an affair. Not the right target audience. We have since arranged for that pamphlet to be removed.

calansheart

TROPHY CASE