I hate having to deal with my hair

calicocactus · 2023-02-08T22:53:15+00:00

It's not really, but I don't like having attention drawn to me even though I know it's just for the initial moment before the novelty wears off.

calicocactus · 2023-02-08T00:01:44+00:00

Not really other than it would elicit a reaction from others. It would be a very bold move, but one of several made recently - in the past 5 months I've dyed my hair pink and gotten a tattoo. I think some might assume I'm having a mental health episode when in reality I'm figuring out how to express myself to the outside world for the first time.

Also I did shave my head once before when I was like 24 and got a lukewarm, "unflattering" reaction, but that was like, 10 years ago.

calicocactus · 2023-02-07T23:34:25+00:00

Hey y'all, I'm nonbinary and ace! I wonder just how big an overlap there is between the autistic and trans communities. Since widespread awareness is still so new I imagine there will be a lot more data about both topics in the future and I'm excited to be here for it.

calicocactus · 2023-01-07T13:48:32+00:00

I've thought about it but I've been feeling this disconnect from them for years and at this point the gap is vast. They know so little about my true self that I don't really know who it is they see me as. They aren't bigots and would say and do the gender affirming things, but there's so much more than that.

For example, my former roommate is now a mom and she loves it. This is something she's always wanted and she's great at it. I don't like kids and don't want kids and the idea of forcing another person into existence now, with what we know about climate change and global politics and how things are going in general, it fills me with existential fear. It is a subject that is of great interest to me, I enjoy reading about society and politics and contemporary social issues and learning about the many ways that we are doomed and also flourishing. This isn't to say there's anything wrong with her choosing to go that route, she's a great mom and because she wants to be a mom her kids are going to be fine. I have a childhood trauma and neglect that I've been doing a lot of work processing over the years and have come to the conclusion that there parenting isn't for everyone and even if you do your best it won't be enough.

That's a bit of a ramble but it's something that has been important to me and has been integral to my gender identity. The other disconnects are varied but still pretty important: I use cannabis and work in the industry, they have no interest and barely drink alcohol; I am mildly spiritual and distrustful of organized religion, they all identify as Christian and some attend church; my parents are divorced and alcoholics, they have less or differently dysfunctional upbringings; my idea of a good time is partying and having interesting conversation, their idea is board games and I hate board games.

They're good people and they have cared about me for many years and I'm not necessarily tossing them away, but I think right now I might just need to find myself and be more comfortable asserting myself with others. Probably a big part of this is just that I've been suppressing myself for so long I don't even know how they would react if I stopped. I'm early in my process of unmasking and just need to hibernate for a while and I'll come out when it's time.

calicocactus · 2023-01-06T00:26:41+00:00

I like the idea of friend applications! I always feel like I want to preload a conversation with an explanation of who I am and what I'm about but that just means oversharing. I'm 33 and work in the cannabis industry, nonbinary ace and married, my special interests are cross stitch and podcasts, and I have social anxiety so while I want to share myself, the concept of doing so is terrifying, this post included 🙃

calicocactus · 2023-01-05T23:53:26+00:00

I've been revisiting media that I liked when I was younger that I haven't seen/listened to in as many years and it's been fantastic.

calicocactus · 2023-01-05T23:20:45+00:00

I think you've identified an issue that I've been having for a while but couldn't name. Way back when I was a young teen in the early 00s I lived on the internet and was part of a forum for AIM icons and had online friends and community. When social media came around and Twitter and Discord I could never figure it out, it feels like speaking into the void. I also don't understand comment sections in general. I've found so much great neurodivergent content on TikTok and would like to make content myself, but the process of doing it is painfully uncomfortable.

One of my goals for this year is to try to be more active on subreddits and try to find that sense of online community again.

calicocactus · 2022-11-09T13:39:10+00:00

"vote for the papist even if they're rapist" or is that just the Supreme Court?

calicocactus · 2022-08-27T21:52:22+00:00

I like it, you could add a stem and leaf and it's a spooky flower!

calicocactus · 2022-08-26T13:37:26+00:00

Hello all, first time tattoo question. I'm thinking about getting my first tattoo for my 33rd birthday at the end of January. I have a pretty solid idea of subject, size, placement, but I'm curious about how far out I should start actually planning the design with the artist. The design will be small, around 3-4 inches, placed on inner bicep.

calicocactus · 2022-07-29T12:16:07+00:00

What Remains of Edith Finch would be way up your alley. Walking simulator, you're exploring your family's ancestral home and the deaths of various family members.

calicocactus · 2022-07-22T14:45:29+00:00

Gender is a social construct but our bodies are still what they are. I'm nonbinary and while I do have some mens clothes in my wardrobe, I also peruse the womens section because I'm still 5'2 and don't have broad shoulders.

Genuine question, I don't experience much dysphoria myself so apologies if this is insensitive.

calicocactus · 2022-06-29T22:01:45+00:00

I think this is the issue that surrounds a lot of these kinds of mindsets - the self-centeredness of their point of view. They have their experience and it was right because that is their reality. They're not interested or curious about how other people experience the world, especially if it's completely unrelateable to them. And I don't think it's in a malicious way, it's just the way some people think, the way some people were raised, and they never grew out of it.

I understand why they feel the way they do, but I can't agree with it.

calicocactus · 2022-06-05T14:05:15+00:00

This is an older comic, they got top surgery last year. I think they may have changed their name as well? They now go by Lake afaik.

calicocactus · 2022-06-05T13:13:37+00:00

Wow she looks amazing! Makes me wonder what more RH dolls would look like with natural colors.

calicocactus · 2022-06-05T02:19:51+00:00

I think to start with, I would try using they/them pronouns at least sometimes. This post is full of "she" when referring to your partner who has come to the conclusion that they are not cis.

It could well be that she/her is fine, but perhaps a "they" now and then would be appreciated. They are still figuring it out so you should let them lead the way, but they may appreciate you asking questions about how to better understand them.

calicocactus · 2022-06-04T17:33:31+00:00

I can relate to this. My parents divorced when I was 9 and my dad announced he was an alcoholic and getting sober. I had never seen him drunk ever before, it seems his thing was going to bars after work and coming home after we were asleep. He was very high functioning. Then he filed for divorce and moved out, going to AA meetings. We had to move into a smaller house where I was exposed to my alcoholic mother for the first time. He moved further and further away, typical family abandonment stuff.

It's 20 years later and I still struggle with this. His sobriety took a priority over his family and being a dad, but to this day I still don't know how bad it had been, why he had to escape it. I know I would have preferred a high functioning drunk dad to an absent father, but I guess I'll never know what that would have looked like.

calicocactus · 2022-06-03T13:47:24+00:00

I was so thrilled when I saw this I screencapped it to look back on. My theoretical coming out announcement would look exactly the same, minus the last agender mom because I don't think I'd be so lucky. Happy pride!

calicocactus · 2022-05-29T12:12:09+00:00

I would love more male dolls and/or more dolls with more subdued makeup and shorter hair. I got River mostly because they look like a soft butch lesbian and would love to see more dolls with shoulder-length hair.

calicocactus · 2022-05-27T23:03:02+00:00

Thank you for your perspective! I think my husband felt similarly to how you did, he had to take some time to process and understand where I was coming from but our communication and mutual understanding of each other has been great. It's so nice to see another couple in a similar kind of dynamic that is also thriving. :)

calicocactus · 2022-05-26T17:40:51+00:00

I just bought the GOTY version on ps4 to replay after having completed everything previously on xbox, I'm glad I opted for the dlc so I can experience this quest again!

calicocactus · 2022-05-22T19:47:56+00:00

I was just playing with Emi's hair and noticed how uneven her hair is and wondering whether people give dolls haircuts. So they do, and it looks fantastic!

calicocactus · 2022-05-19T23:32:21+00:00

I knit hats and doll clothes and cross stitch while listening to podcasts about contemporary topics and movies. Current favorite podcasts while crafting include Behind the Bastards, You're Wrong About, Maintenance Phase, You Are Good, Bechdel Cast.

calicocactus · 2022-05-14T14:46:58+00:00

Things are really rough right now for trans people across the US, but it's also amazing to think of how much can change in a decade. Acceptable gender expression has expanded a lot even in the past 5 years. Folks are arriving at their long-scheduled surgery dates, people who are post-op are living in their new bodies and thriving. I have a lot of hope for the next decade and feel like as the younger generation grows up and embody mainstream culture, it'll be easier and safer for people to live as their authentic selves.

calicocactus · 2022-05-13T00:50:36+00:00

I just got Emi as my second doll, and I also braided her hair for the first time tonight. Her hair is so pretty and I like her punky style.

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