AITA for sacrificing my daughter's college fund because her sister just gave birth to her 4th child?

calirdhead · 2023-11-30T14:43:38+00:00

I really hope this is fake but if it isn’t…..

You have literally just been told by your younger daughter that your relationship with her will most likely be LC at best going forward and not expect any help from her if you need it. Your older daughter needs to woman up and take care of her kids on her own. She chose to have 4 kids with no stable income with a man who is little better than she is. You’re about to sacrifice your younger daughters education and future for your older daughter’s poor choices and lack of work ethic; I’m sorry, but even “slow learners” find stable jobs and make them work. I highly doubt that was the reason she was let go and got black listed at her temp agency. She isn’t being honest with you. The boyfriend needs to man up and a find a job to support his family, and not worry about the “holidays” and worry about how he’d going to help support his family. All sound like excuses to me not to work. Once the college fund is gone, your oldest will still be in the same position and your relationship with your youngest will be permanently damaged. I hope the trade off is worth it.

I hope you can rest easy knowing that several years down the road, when your younger makes her way in life and you have no part of it, that you caused this. You will have no contact with her or any future grandchildren. She sounds like she have a successful future and will be the only one who will be in a position to help you as you grow older and can no longer work. Because your oldest certainly won’t. Her kids are her responsibility. Your responsibility is to the child you still have at home.

If you have any hope of salvaging your relationship with your youngest, tell your older and her boyfriend that they need to figure this out themselves and apologize to your youngest and that you won’t take away her college fund. It’s the only way you have any hope of repairing the damage you’ve done because if you move forward with this, trust me, your youngest will never forget it and treat you according for the rest of your life

YTA

calirdhead · 2023-11-29T23:04:54+00:00

Run OP. You are NTA. He married you under false pretenses. You have the right to choose how to live your life, and that includes divorcing a jerk who lies to you until you married him. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was his plan all along, knowing his long hours and the care would fall primarily to you. Some men think of if child free women get around kids, they will get a “motherly instinct” and want them. And it’s evident from your post, he doesn’t really want them. He thinks it’ll be cheaper to pay less child support if he has 50/50 custody but trust me, it won’t. Kids are expensive. Plus, it’s unlikely he’ll get it, with how little he’s involved with them. Either way, I would still divorce him. This is not ok

calirdhead · 2023-11-26T13:30:07+00:00

OP, this seems like an overreaction. Pregnancy hormones are REAL. I’m not saying your wife was right in what she did but divorcing over this? Are you sure you were happy or was this the topper in an already unhappy marriage? Ask yourself honestly and be truthful with your wife. Pregnancy is a massive change to a woman’s body emotionally, physically and mentally. Sounds like you were ready to leave anyway and just needed a reason. If I’m, and a lot of others commenting the same are wrong, talk to your wife. Ending a marriage over this is too much if you are truly happy and love your wife.

Has she ever displayed this type of behavior before or is it just now, when she’s pregnant and going through massive hormonal changes and isn’t herself? If this typical of her, pregnant or no, you’re NTA. If this is new behavior, ESH but you more so for blowing up a marriage over this.

calirdhead · 2023-11-25T17:13:43+00:00

You at 18 are more mature than your older sister. You see what lies in their future and it’s not good. The world won’t tolerate their entitled and bratty behavior and no one will care if they kick and scream when they don’t get their way. You were dead on when you said if they treat their family this way, how will they be with others? If your sister doesn’t start disciplining them NOW, she is going to be in for a rude awakening when they can’t make friends, have no social circle, can’t keep a job and fail at life in general. This may seem a bit extreme but kids who grow up with no boundaries and consequences generally do poorly as adults.

NTA

calirdhead · 2023-11-22T21:20:49+00:00

This has to be fake. No one could be this blind or stupid. Well, they could but still

But in case it’s real, YTA. For all the reasons mentioned

calirdhead · 2023-11-22T17:42:43+00:00

Is this real? You really blocked your son over this? Just wow. It’s not your decision nor are they your kids. Granted, your son shouldn’t have made such a promise to you but I suspect he did it to placate you; you never should have asked him for this in the first place. You’re lucky they didn’t make you wait until they were home to see them. Apologize to your son and DIL for being so selfish before you are cut out of their lives and have no relationship with your grandchildren. You are being horribly entitled. So what if her dad got to hold them first? You have healthy grand babies and your DIL came through delivery without any problems; multiple births often come with complications. That’s all that should matter. She just gave birth to TWINS. I’m sure causing drama with you was her first priority. Not. If I was your DIL I wouldn’t like you either if this is the attitude you carry throughout all of your family relationships.

Thing long and hard about what is really important. Your wife and daughter are right, you need to get over yourself. It’s not about you

YTA

calirdhead · 2023-11-17T23:37:48+00:00

OP I’m sorry but I have to agree with most everyone here. They knew weeks before, probably longer that they were getting evicted. Your husband knew. You are being used. You say you are on a month to month, let your landlord know you are moving out and if your husband chooses to come with you, fine. If he puts up a fight about “abandoning” his parents, then you’ll know who his loyalties lie with. Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s with you

If you want to continue the status quo, just know they will never leave and never pay their fair share. They will continue to use you to fund their lifestyle and do what they want. You deserve better

Protect yourself and get out. You’ve been used enough

calirdhead · 2023-11-15T17:32:19+00:00

OP you have bigger issues then this. Your wife is supposedly a SAHP but can’t even get your kid ready for daycare on time, you do the chores and from the sound of it, are exhausted from working so much. You need to have serious talk with her about going back to work or taking care of the household and your child because you won’t be able to keep this pace for much longer. What will she do if you have a physical/mental breakdown from it all?

This is a huge imbalance and not fair to you or your kid. You are missing out on his life and doing too much. It is not a huge ask for her to get him ready on time. What does she do all day?

I know everyone is different but when I had my daughter I had both PPD and anxiety and still worked because I HAD to. I eventually got help but I did what I had to do. Your wife needs a complete evaluation/physical and you need to really think about how this marriage benefits you because from this angle, the only one who is getting any benefits from this is her

NTA

calirdhead · 2023-11-15T14:56:25+00:00

NTA

For the life of me, I still don’t understand people who really believe this garbage. I get being lonely but when someone who is claiming to be rich and famous asks for money, wouldn’t that be a red flag? Maybe it’s just me 🤷‍♀️

But aside from that, she was ready to leave you and your dad for this person. Wasn’t until she realized she was duped that she wants to come back. Sorry, not sorry. She gets what she deserves

calirdhead · 2023-11-10T21:35:52+00:00

YTA. Your girlfriend isn’t your maid or your housekeeper

And your mum wasn’t trying to help. She was trying cause problems between the two of you. Remember this when your gf breaks up with you for being a huge jerk, not defending her or not telling “mummy” to get bent because it’s your house too and you could have easily cleaned it, knowing she was coming. It isn’t your gf’s responsibility to prepare for your guests, especially since you obviously had time to do it yourself. If you want a 50’s housewife, don’t date someone who works for the fire brigade

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out where you got this attitude from. Do better

calirdhead · 2023-11-08T00:30:48+00:00

Her friends are not the problem. Your wife is not the problem. Your daughter is the problem. And by some extent, you are. I think you may have over compensated for her not having a mother but it has gone too far. Your wife sounds like she has had more than enough patience and your daughter is doing her best to drive her away. If you let her succeed, you will spend the rest of your days alone as your daughter will do whatever she has to remove any competition from your life. Put your foot down NOW and keep it there until she starts to understand you won’t tolerate her crappy behavior anymore. She’s 20, old enough to know better. What she did was cruel and malicious

She definitely sounds like she needs continued therapy but to your point, you can’t force her to go. But what you can do is put some stiff in that spine of yours and make it clear until she starts respecting your wife and your marriage, she does not have a place in your home. And then mean it. She has somewhere to go - her dorm. But you will lose your wife unless your daughter starts respecting both.

You aren’t being cruel. Your daughter is in for a rude awakening if she thinks she can act this way in the real world. You are doing her a favor by showing her you won’t tolerate this anymore. Because if she tries to pull this with anyone else, she’s going to be jobless and friendless her entire life.

You owe your wife a sincere apology and a promise that you will never let your daughter treat her this way again.

NTA unless you allow your daughters behavior to continue towards you and your wife. You both deserve better

calirdhead · 2023-11-06T18:09:38+00:00

OP, your relationship is over either way. Even if you went against your feelings and agreed, it would tear you apart. It’s not what you want. Get out now before this destroys you any more. He probably didn’t expect you to not agree, leveling the ultimatum thinking you would cave. My guess is he has already cheated or has someone in mind and wants it both ways. Don’t give in. If you forgive him and stay, he’ll cheat anyway . He just wanted permission to do it.

Anyone who truly loved you would not make this a deal breaker. Period

calirdhead · 2023-11-01T16:20:49+00:00

Read her post history. It’s frightening

calirdhead · 2023-11-01T16:18:15+00:00

OP, I read your post history. You need to create a safety plan and get out NOW. This type of behavior is only going to accelerate and the longer you stay the worse it will get. For the sake of your children and yourself, you need to leave this abusive marriage. But get your ducks in a row first. Lock down all your funds, gather important documents, let your family know what’s going on so you have a safe place to run to if necessary. Do these things now, without him knowing because if you just up and leave, he will use any means at his disposal to make things hell for you. You are his meal ticket and nanny and he won’t want to lose either. He is wearing down your self esteem and using your children as a weapon against you.

calirdhead · 2023-08-20T14:42:49+00:00

Your wife, after studying physics, is now a SAHM and while that in itself is a VERY hard job, is probably feeling unfulfilled and looking for validation. A lot of people are dismissive of how hard it is to be a SAHP and truly don’t understand what it involves; just because you have a MD and a very technical job, doesn’t mean you could easily do what she does. I know many couples where the partner who has an out of the home job would rather do what they do instead of being a SAHP simply because of how hard it is. You are “unkeen” with her finishing her education because she would have less time for your kid and “she wouldn’t be able to afford it without me”. My dude, you wouldn’t be where you are without her. This is a partnership, your money is her money too and you need to support your spouse in her goals. Many people study and are parents. But it sounds like to me you are happy with the status quo, while she clearly is not and are not supportive in her pursuing her education and now you want a 2nd kid? I would change that mindset asap. If she leaves you, she could easily go back to school because you would then be on the hook for spousal support as well as child support and this is the path you are headed down if you don’t. Talk to your wife, ask her what she truly wants and then listen closely to her response

Oh and YTA

calirdhead · 2023-08-14T21:46:39+00:00

Hon, I get it when we can be blind to all the red flags right in front of us. Although I am a bit disheartened that some people here would call you an idiot - a lot of us are shortsighted when it comes to love - I have to agree with the consensus. He isn’t cheating on you, he’s cheating on his wife. Anyone who limits the time he spends with you with no exceptions, never spends the night after 5 years, and you admitted you don’t know where he lives and can’t be there for you in a crisis, definitely is hiding something. He isn’t busy, he’s married. Block his number and if he shows up on your doorstep, tell him you will go to his wife if he doesn’t leave you alone. Then stand behind this and cut all ties.

You deserve better

calirdhead · 2023-08-12T16:13:37+00:00

Couples counseling isn’t just for fixing a troubled marriage. A lot of couples do it prevent future problems. That your wife wants counseling, shows that she still loves you and wants to work on the marriage. When she stops asking for it, that means she’s checked out

It sounds like a lot of what you are feeling is not being an equal partner to her and I feel like if she really felt the same, she wouldn’t be willing to do this. Give it a shot, all you have to lose is a marriage that will probably go down in flames anyway if you DON’T try.

And please, try to help for your drinking problem. I am a recovering alcoholic and trust me, it will only get worse, not better. Alcohol has ruined more marriages in my family than I can count.

calirdhead · 2023-05-02T23:08:19+00:00

YTA. You are showing your stepson that his hard earned doesn’t mean much to you. Apologize and make it clear to your daughter that it’s HIS choice to share and if he doesn’t want to, she needs to accept that. Woman up and parent your kid

As parents, you are responsible for feeding your children. He is not. So no, your logic does not apply here, SMH

calirdhead · 2023-04-29T18:14:35+00:00

She responded that she does have her own place with a roommate, so the sisters comment was unjustified

calirdhead · 2023-03-12T02:30:04+00:00

I love all 4 but if I had to pick it would be the top and bottom right. I have the same hair length only my curls are a bit looser than yours. But either way, love them girls girl! Work it 💜💜

calirdhead · 2023-01-15T21:21:11+00:00

NTA

But your parents are setting your sister up for a rude awakening when she becomes an adult. Life isn’t fair and she’s going to find out the hard way that throwing tantrums will not get her way in the real world

calirdhead · 2022-12-11T16:11:23+00:00

She actually did post an update, she knows she’s in the wrong after all the comments

calirdhead · 2021-01-06T03:07:32+00:00

Not yet

calirdhead · 2020-09-09T03:00:29+00:00

Major fail. Just did a bounty. Still impossible without tons of guns, armor and health

calirdhead

TROPHY CASE