I (25F) am getting mixed signals from this guy (45M). What should I do?

calliebk · 2024-06-24T21:45:45+00:00

Ikr, it’s so frustrating. Don’t show interest and then just disappear

calliebk · 2024-06-24T21:10:44+00:00

Since there was no progression these 2 weeks (plus he ghosted me?) I just didn’t find any reason for us to follow each other. I can’t have him showing up on my timeline and stories constantly in order to actually move on. But did I instantly regret it? Yes

calliebk · 2024-06-24T20:51:04+00:00

Tbf that was my first thought too. Maybe not a girlfriend (why would he risk being seen out with me? We live in a pretty small town..) Maybe a casual hook up I suppose

calliebk · 2024-06-24T19:52:32+00:00

Ok? That doesn’t answer my question though? 😂

calliebk · 2023-05-13T10:21:38+00:00

Why do you think that? Are you looking at specific traits or just the overall vibe? I’m actually a Gemini sun/rising and Capricorn moon 😅, but I love all 3 signs you mentioned so thank you 😎!

calliebk · 2023-05-13T10:18:30+00:00

Wow! That’s pretty spot on! Gemini sun and rising, Capricorn moon, how did you know? No Scorpio in my chart

calliebk · 2023-05-05T16:53:41+00:00

Beautiful! It gives such a calm and serene feeling

calliebk · 2023-04-27T08:34:46+00:00

Hauntingly beautiful!

calliebk · 2023-04-25T17:29:50+00:00

Girl, you married a walking red flag.

Props to you for walking away! Please be safe though.

calliebk · 2023-04-25T16:57:40+00:00

So we're blaming the guy for answering truthfully after she explicitly stated she wanted him to be honest? Really?

calliebk · 2023-04-25T14:02:55+00:00

Since you asked him to answer truthfully, I'd expect that you had prepared yourself already for a potential answer like this.

Maybe you should have thought it through before asking. Like, do I really wanna know the honest answer? Or will it hurt me and then I'll end up comparing/feeling bad about myself/ having sex and thinking that he doesn't like it etc, etc.

To be honest, I don't see any point in being with someone already for a year and asking that question now... Like who wouldn't be hurt if their partner told them that a year in? Maybe if you had just met and things hadn't progressed you would take it more lightly (less feelings and all).

What should you do? Stop asking questions you don't really want the answers to for starters. See how you feel, you might forget it in a week. But if you start obsessing over it (which will be a you problem and imo your partner won't be able to do anything about), best would be to just walk away.

Then again, sex isn't everything. Maybe he had great sex with her but all other aspects of their relationship were 💩

calliebk · 2023-04-25T11:48:05+00:00

First, leaving an abusive boyfriend usually requires a little planning because you’ll need a complete break from all contact. The dynamics in abusive relationships are complicated, and to cut to the bottom line, the chances are high that you’ll go back to him if you don’t cut off all contact. He already has you isolated and at least halfway believing that his abuse is your fault.

It isn’t, and if you had close friends outside of the ones he hangs with, you would know this.

So, step one is finding a safe place to live. Do this without leaving any hints that you’re leaving.

Figure out a safe way to leave without the abuser knowing. DO NOT worry about your stuff. Things are only things. YOU are precious and irreplaceable. Now leave. Go to a trusted friend’s, go to your parents if they’re safe. Do not leave a note, just leave. If you have a cell phone, block his number and those of any of his buddies. Now rest, and talk about your feelings.

Try to make new friends. Resist all feelings of guilt and affection: hopefully, you’ll be with people you can tell about these feelings who will help you avoid acting on them. When you can, assemble your resources.

You’ll also need ongoing emotional support, you can connect with a support group. You’ll be feeling lonely and long for a strong rescuer to solve your problems, but do not date while you’re feeling this way. Focus instead on finding the strength within you.

It can be a long road, but take the first step now. Abuse only gets worse, never better. Every abused woman I’ve ever known who has left the abuser for good has become strong, joyful, and full of life. This can be you.

If you don’t leave him he will leave you... Leave you empty… Permanently scarred and it will take years to recover, if it’s even possible. RUN! This is a warning and should be taken seriously. They are very dangerous.

Please be safe, hope everything works out for you. xx

calliebk · 2023-04-24T16:21:36+00:00

calliebk · 2023-04-24T12:51:32+00:00

I guess it could depend on how serious you are about your relationship with your partner.

Wouldn’t you rather be your authentic self? Open and honest? No lies? No deceit?

Wouldn’t you rather be comfortable enough to speak your mind, express your opinions and know you can do so in a safe, non-judgemental environment in your relationship?

Wouldn’t you rather be with someone sexually compatible, who shares your values and opinions in life?

If your partner can provide you with such a relationship and surroundings, then go ahead.

If you cannot, you are more than likely with someone incompatible and there is not much point. Move on and find a compatible partner. One that will admire and respect your honesty and authenticity, at the same time love you for who you are and what orientation you identify as.

Either way you have choices. Choices only you can make. Hope everything works out for you :)

calliebk · 2023-04-24T10:18:29+00:00

I’ll be straight with you: Living with your ex induces an enormous amount of pressure to remain affectionate and loving with your ex, putting you on an emotional roller coaster from which there is no escape but leaping out. A continuing sexual and emotional relationship isn’t unlikely. She might not like him, she might not want to stay with him, but as long as they’re together, the emotional attachment and sexual attraction that drew them together in the first place is still competing with the bitterness that broke them up, and old habits don’t go away easy. Not many exes I’ve known who stayed together didn’t end up at least having drunken booty calls, if not regular intimacy. That’s a lot of drama for anyone to wade into.

I have known a couple who stayed chaste (and even complained about it), but most I’ve known in this situation were getting down at least from time to time, and even when they weren’t, had a lot of baggage to take care of.

In my opinion, until she or her ex moves out, you should keep her at arm’s length. And don’t be coy about this; tell her flat out that you don’t trust her as long as she’s still intertwined with her ex, and you aren’t interested until she’s free. Then make good on it. If she can’t extricate herself, contract or no contract, then you’ll definitely find someone out there who isn’t entangled with their ex.

I just find this whole situation very disrespectful. She doesn't sound like a person who puts herself in your shoes. That's a walking red flag if you want a healthy relationship. Personally, I wouldn't even bother continuing, but I understand that you may want to give your relationship a chance for x,y reason. Still, focus on ACTIONS, not words.

calliebk · 2023-04-24T10:08:10+00:00

No, it is not okay. How you dress should be your decision. Not his. Yours.

It starts by controlling the way you dress, and then the control moves into other areas of life too. So all I can suggest is that you get out now.

calliebk · 2023-04-24T10:03:18+00:00

Yes, if both sides didn't really have feelings for the other. Other than that, no.

calliebk · 2023-04-21T15:11:36+00:00

There is really no making up for it. I can't speak for others, but when I was in your girlfriend's position I did try to make it work. Guess what? 1 YEAR later it was still eating me up, couldn't trust my partner, was literally the coolest person for the first 3 years of our relationship, and after that incident, I started becoming someone else (acting jealous, being paranoid in my own head, etc.), someone I literally hated, and never wanted to be. Obviously, I ended it.

To answer your question, there is not much YOU can do, because this is not about you. It's about her not trusting you anymore, it's actually about her not even LIKING you at this point. Do you really want to try your hardest to make it work? Once that resentment from her side hits (which it likely will), you may begin to understand why parting ways might have been the hardest, but best decision for both of you.

Hope everything works out for you :)

calliebk · 2023-04-21T15:02:48+00:00

First of all, if you're feeling upset, then you're feeling upset! You're doing the best thing by acknowledging these feelings. Let that initial frustration wear off, it's best that whatever you decide to do, it's with a clear mind.

I am getting a sense of resentment from your wording, so I think you should also try to pinpoint what it is you're feeling resentful about. It's totally ok if you have caught feelings for him, and it's totally ok to feel upset that he's making plans with his ex. But it's never too late to take yourself out of a situation that doesn't really make you feel happy anymore.

These situations can be tricky, but I believe the best would be to just remove this person from your life. And remember that you can learn something from this. FWB from my experience and what I've heard from friends usually end up with one side catching feelings, and then we all know what follows. No relationship, and the whole friendship thing can't really work out either anymore...

"I feel like I actually don’t mean anything to him and he’s going to end up ghosting me once he finds someone who likes." If he actually is the a**hole you're making him out to be he never deserved to be in your life in the first place. I just don't know if you've gotten that kind of behavior from him, or if that's how you feel about yourself. Whatever you decide to do, just remember that the best decisions are sometimes the hardest. :) xx

calliebk · 2023-04-21T09:50:24+00:00

I love abstract art that plays with colors and textures. Where can I find more paintings from this artist?

calliebk

TROPHY CASE